A Sibling for Celia

months.

2009-06-17T10:10:00.003-04:00

It's been several months since I posted over here. Which leads me to the fact that I don't really feel at home here anymore. I have been leaning towards shutting this blog down, and focusing on my knitting blog. So if you care to follow me over there, feel free! I'd love to have you.

Thanks for the 2 plus years of support and friendship! I hope you'll continue to read my other blog, as I'll still continue reading all of yours.

thoughs

2009-04-17T11:00:00.003-04:00

Seth still sounds pretty good! He had a little wheezing last night, but some alb.uterol took that right away. His congestion is WAY better. He hasn't sounded this good in months, seriously! I'm thrilled. Celia still has a cold, and is taking her allergy meds well. She said this morning that she had a headache, but went to school, and barely noticed when I left. So much easier than the little girl who used to cry and cling to me whenever I left. Much easier.

Last night, Celia hit 10 days in a row of being dry. I have no idea how it happened, but she suddenly decided it was time to stop having accidents. Of course, it's as we're going through the process of having her tested for things, and she has a flow test in 2 weeks to see what's going on. She apparently doesn't empty her bladder completely when she goes. At any rate, she's doing much better! And to celebrate, we went out for dinner to the restaurant of her choice- Greene Turtle. I am just SO proud of her!!

I'm really looking forward to the weekend! I have a bunch of friends from my knitting groups coming over to learn how to dye yarn. Some of them have done it before, others haven't, so I expect it will be a blast! We're going to set up outside and just have a full day of dyeing, snacking, drinking wine, and just having fun! I can't wait!!

I'm also really excited that I finally broke down and joined a CSA! I'll be splitting the share with one of my knitting friends, and it's going to be awesome. Can't wait to have a full summer of fresh veggies and fruits. It's going to be amazing! I'm also looking forward to trying some new veggies that I haven't really used before. Just awesome.

allergist

2009-04-14T20:24:00.002-04:00

We met with the allergist yesterday, and all I can say is that she is FANTASTIC!! I love her. AND, she sees adults too. So I can see her and get myself squared away too.

Anyway, she was great. She spent about 45 minutes with us, and went over everything. I have to say I'm so lucky to have the doctors that we have for Seth- they all actually care, and are willing to spend extra time with us. We went over his whole history, his symptoms, his asthma episodes, and the like. She definitely wants to do major allergy testing on him (next week, after he has been off his zyr.tec for a week), but she also wants to do an immune workup on him. Lots of bloodwork, to make sure we're not missing anything. And if the skin test comes out inconclusive, we can just do blood tests at the same time. Nice. We also had a follow-up with Dr R (the pulmonologist) today, and he was definitely happy to hear that we're getting the immune workup done. We'll see what it says. And he's hopeful that after spring, we'll be able to back off his meds a little. I'm not optimistic, but he is. Nice to think about the possibility of this getting better. He also wants us using the Naso.nex daily, as well as the Zyrte.c (after the allergy testing). Anything to help is a good thing. We're off to a good start this week with him too- his breathing was crystal clear!!

Though Celia is another story. She had a little bit of a temp yesterday, and cold symptoms. I kept her home and had her rest all day (with the exception of going to Seth's appt with us), and got some work done. She was fine today, but tonight I noticed she is warm again. Took her temp and it was 100.1. I'm curious to see what it is at in the morning. Bah.

got milk?

2009-04-13T10:12:00.004-04:00

The end of last week, I took Celia in to see Dr. D because her allergies have been acting up for a month, and I'm not sure what to do with it. So we've got her started on Clar.itin and will see if it helps. If not, we go to Zyrt.ec, and if not, I call him back and we try all.egra. Fun times. The next morning, Seth woke up congested still, and sounding lousy, so I took him in to see Dr. D. Two days in a row, at around the same time, I found it funny. Anyway, we chatted, he listened to Seth, looked him over, and he thought for a bit. We switched him back to Augm.entin for 3 weeks, since his sinus infection didn't seem to really be clearing well. Then he brings up another thing, which I was totally afraid of hearing- a possible milk allergy. He suggested I take him to an allergist to have some testing done, and see what comes up. But said to stop giving him any milk protein at all from now on and see if it makes a difference. I figured it would take a bit to get in to see the allergist, but when I called this morning, they said they had a cancellation at 2:30, so we get to go today. Of course, Celia has to go with us, because she's home sick with a cold.

Let me tell you how hard it is to avoid milk! No milk (well duh), cheese, yogurt, anything with milk in it (bread, muffins, pancakes, etc), and lots of things I"m sure I haven't thought of yet. Of course, I made pancakes yesterday, and added milk and butter without thinking about it. And the corn we had for our pre-easter dinner had butter in the sauce. So he didn't get to have any. He was NOT amused.

At least Easter was lovely. We met up with a friend of mine from Grad school who came to town for a vacation with her husband and daughter. It was so much fun to see her, and her daughter C and Celia are the same age, so they had a blast! We hit the Zoo, and saw the Pandas, lions, tigers, and lots of other animals. It was so much fun!

Cherry blossoms

2009-04-06T09:39:00.007-04:00

This weekend, we spent a lot of time outside! The weather was lovely, warm, breezy, and sunny. And, our beautiful cherry tree was in bloom- each day getting a few more blossoms to pop out. So I took advantage of the situation, and took TONS of pictures of it. I got to play with my new camera a LOT, and got some amazing pics. Some I plan to blow up and put in our bathroom as art, and maybe put a few of them in Celia's room too.

We also took some time to work on our gardens. We bought the wood for the raised beds, and soil, and started working on them. Nathan also tilled all of the soil. The area where the raised bed is, was all grass before we got our hands on it this weekend. There is also another one to the left of the brick-bordered garden. The brick one is what we had last year, so we're really increasing our garden space. We also loaded them with soil, and planted some peas. The others will wait, as it's still too cool here at night to plant the tomatoes or other goodies. However I did make two window boxes for my kitchen window- one with lettuce, and the other with herbs I started.

Then a few great shots I got of the kids:

Can you tell how much I LOVE my new camera?!

so many things, so little time

2009-03-31T22:14:00.002-04:00

A recap of the last few weeks:

Seth has been sick AGAIN. Another sinus infection. And he ended up back on ora.pred, after wheezing like crazy for a few days. Poor baby can't catch a break.

Seth went to the ENT again, to see if there is anything they can do for him, with recurrent sinus infections. Thankfully (or not), there is nothing. We just have to keep him on strong antibiotics for 3 full weeks, and irrigate his nasal passageway daily. I ordered a kit and it arrived yesterday. Thankfully he doesn't mind it too much. After the irrigation we use Naso.nex to help reduce swelling in the passages. Here's to hoping it works!!

Celia had a sonogram and Xray to help figure out what is going on with her bladder. She's still having daily accidents (at 5 years of age), and she's even getting frustrated with it. We meet with the Urologist on Friday to see what the results are.

I took Celia to the airprot last monday, and picked her up last friday, so she could travel to Disney World with my mom and step dad. Thankfully I was able to go through security with her, and even got to have lunch with my mom/stepfather both days. They had an absolute blast, and Celia can't stop talking about Disney, and the fun things she did and saw. I can't wait to take her some day!

I had a huge show and sold a ton of yarn! I was completely overwhelmed, and thrilled at the success.

I also will be having my yarn in a booth at the Maryland Sheep and Wool festival. More details on that to come! But I'm thrilled, and am busy getting all the yarn I'll need dyed up for it.

I took some of my profit and put it towards credit cards, which was very satisfying. And took more and bought more yarn. And took some more, and put it towards part of a camera that I've been wanting. I bought it this weekend, because I really need to be able to take true to color photos for my shop. It's incredible. And the pics I've taken have been outstanding. I'm in love with a camera. I admit it.

Planned a weekend away in May, with me, my MIL and my SILs in Pennsylvania. We're meeting in the middle, in Williamsport, and going to chill out, craft, and relax all weekend. With out any kids. It's going to be great!

I think that is all. I leave you with a pic I took of the kids over the weekend with my new camera. They are just so adorable!!

Texas

2009-03-11T15:01:00.002-04:00

Wow, it's been ages since I have posted!! Lots has gone on, and all of it is good!!

I had a work trip to Lubbock, TX last week, and overall it was pretty good. I helped teach a course for 3 days, and that went well (minus a few glitches). The hotel I was at had a happy hour every night, which was fun- pretty yummy margaritas too! Dinners were great, I ate tex-mex twice, and great steak twice. Can't complain about that!! All I can say is YUM. It was really good to come back home though, I really missed the DH and kids! 5 days away is a lot. But at the same time, it was 5 days of uninterrupted sleep, so I can't complain!

Got home on Friday, and the inlaws were already at the house. Dinner was ready, which helped a lot too! I didn't have to do any dishes (I would have revolted if I had to), and I just put my feet up for the evening. The weekend was OK. Got some dyeing done for a huge show I'm in this week. If you're in the DC metro area, check out The Homespun Yarn Party, happening on Sunday between 12 and 5. It's going to be amazing- lots of indie dyers (including ME!), and other fun shops will be there.

Seth is still doing great at his new day care. He had a brief fever on Sunday, but it broke by the following morning. Followed by a rash- which means it's a reaction to his shots he had a few weeks ago. So at least I knew what it was when I saw it, and it was no big deal. He's as happy as can be, active, and doing just great! Celia's doing well too. She had fun with her grandparents, and they both stayed home on Monday to have extra nana/papa/great grandma time. She had a blast.

Next up- a trip for Celia to Disney with my mom/step dad. She can't wait for that- and she can't stop talking about it. She already has her outfit all picked out for the plane. What a sweetie.

day care

2009-03-01T11:26:00.002-05:00

I really struggled with pulling Seth out of his day care. I love the teachers, he's happy there, and the teachers all love him. But with him getting sick so much, it was hard not to at least try changing things around a bit. So we found an in-home day care for him, right near our house. It's a nice place, a lady's house, who has a friend who comes every day too (it allows them to have 4 infants instead of just 2 with 1 teacher). And they are both very familiar with asthma, which helped make that decision a lot easier. Every other place I saw, freaked a bit when I mentioned asthma, and said they were fine with it as long as they didn't have to do his meds. Which from time to time, he does need during the day.

SO, he started his new day care on Monday, and he LOVES it. He has a girlfriend already, a little girl who is 18 months old. She loves to hug and kiss him, and he loves it too. It's so cute! His teachers are both great, and they're all impressed at how well he's adjusted so quickly. He slept for 2 1/2 hours the first day, which apparently is unusual for babies in a new situation. But he did great! I'm so relieved. And the fun part, is that Celia usually goes to pick him up with me. And she made a friend there too, who is 6 and goes to Kindergarten, but is there after school every day. She kept asking about playing iwht her, so I asked the teacher if there are any spots available for the summer for Celia. And there was one, so I've now got that. Definitely cool that we found a nice place, that is way cheaper than we've been paying, for both kids. Celia will stay in her current place through June until she graduates from Prek. SO excited about this!

Other things are falling into a better rhythm. Work has been better, with me being able to BE there. I've been really productive, which has been great. Though am meeting the week after next with HR to make sure I"m covered by FMLA in case the baby is sick and my manager gets upset with me again. I don't want to screw up any more. I do like my job, and I"d like to keep it.

I finally got up the nerve to start asking around about expanding my yarn business a little bit. I went to one of my favorite LYS's and showed the owner some of my stuff, and she's placed an order with me for June! 7 colorways and 3 skeins of each colorway to start. And then we'll see how it goes. I can't wait. I'm way excited about this, and it will be so much fun to really get some dyeing in. I spent yesterday dyeing up a bunch of new colorways too, and I"m thrilled with how they came out! I can't wait for them to dry so I can skein them up and see how they really look. I've also been accepted to a big sock show that's going to be happening this summer in Oregon. I'm still deciding on whether it's possible to do it or not, and how much I'd have to sell to make it worth it. But it's a lot of fun to dream, and think that I could be part of the first ever Sock Summitt. I get giddy just thinking about it!! It would be a business expense, and it would really get my yarn out there. So I"m considering it. I'm also speaking with an owner about getting my yarn in her booth at the Sheep and Wool festival. That would be amazing. Really amazing!

Aside from that, I head to Texas tomorrow for the week. I get to teach a course for 3 days with a few other co-workers. It should be neat. We haven't taught a course to so many before (we're used to 12-15, and we'll have 40). Nice to be getting teaching experience in. Always helpful. Well, have to run and pack!! Hopefully the airport won't be snowed in tomorrow! What is it with snow in March?!

Happy Birthday Celia!!

2009-02-26T09:27:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday baby girl!! I can't believe you are 5 today! It feels like just yesterday that you came into our lives, and every moment has flown by. I wish you could stop growing up so fast, but am glad that you can't. It is so much fun to see you grow into the big girl that you are today! My little lady. My sweet girl. You are truly amazing!

You wow us every day. You love your gymnastics class, computer games, Super Mario Galaxy and Wii Sports, reading books, helping mommy cook and being a great big sister. I can't believe how big you are, and I can't wait to see where the next year takes us. I hope you still continue to enjoy our friday night sleep overs in the office, special shopping trips, walking to the stump with the hole, trips to the library, and starbucks hot chocolate. You are my baby girl, who is not a baby anymore. You're 5!!

Happy Birthday Celia, I love you!!

One.

2009-02-19T09:00:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday Sethy! I can't believe you are one years old today.

One year ago, I was sitting in triage, getting hooked up to monitors, waiting to see how you were doing, and whether you were going to be born. I was contracting away every few minutes. Not full labor contractions, but contractions none-the-less. I remember being scared. Because my own mother was in the hospital having a series of tests after a heart attack. Feeling helpless because I couldn't be there with her. But so excited because I knew that I'd be meeting you soon.

You have been such a good baby. Such an easy baby. Minus the asthma, of course. You're happy, and love to laugh, eat, sleep and play. You love to hug. You love to blow kisses (but always turn your head away when I go to kiss you). You love to point with your index finger ("ET, phone home"). You have a smile that melts my heart every single time. I cannot express the joy you have brought to my life this past year. And I look forward to the next years with excitement to see what comes next.

I love you Seth. Happy birthday!!

ups and downs

2009-02-18T07:54:00.003-05:00

The ups:
The rats/mice/chipmunks that were getting into the walls are now officially BANNED! The Trapper came yesterday, and a full day later, and the labor of 2 men, the house is now rat-proof. Yes!!

I found Seth a new day care! It's right around the corner from us, no further than his other place, just in the opposite direction. Is way cheaper (like 135 cheaper per week), fewer kids, 2 fabulous teachers, in a home setting. And they were totally fine with the asthma, and offered to give him nebs when he needs them. Perfect!! OH- and thanks to Mamasource, the first 2 weeks are FREE.

The downs:
Celia is sick. She has a horrible cough, and when she coughs/sneezes, her throat hurts. So she gets to go to the Dr this morning. And likely stay home. Bah.
ETA: Celia has a cold. But nothing more. Since sh'es been pretty congested for about a week, and Seth has had a sinus infection, Dr D gave us a script for antibiotics. I'm to fill it if she's not better tomorrow. So she's at school, and I"m at work. Today. We'll see about tomorrow. I hate when my gut tells me to keep her home, but my fear of losing my job trumps that.

I'm getting nervous about my 2 appointments this week. Tomorrow is my baby's first birthday, and the first thing I get to do is see my OB/GYN- the man who delivered my little guy. Kind of fitting I guess. I'm curious to see what's going on down below. And see if I have an actual problem, or if the "atypical squamous cells" are due to the uti I had. Which the nurse said may be the case. I'm hoping it's not hpv...or something more. But if it is, I'll deal with it. I'm not looking forward to the urologist appt. But it will be nice to be able to finally put an end to the UTIs. At least for a while. Just not excited about the possibility of being scoped. OUCH.

More ups:
My baby turns 1 tomorrow!! Where has the time gone?

My baby girl turns 5 in a week and 1 day!! How did she get so big so fast??

I've managed to sell off a ton of my yarn to help pay for the repairs. Sad to see it go- some of it I had big plans for. BUT, when money is tight, there is nothing else to do. Thank goodness for Ravelry...lots of knitters went crazy on my for sale stash, and now I have some cash.

Seriously?!

2009-02-16T13:56:00.002-05:00

I just got a call from my OB's office, saying they definitely want me to consult with a urologist. Apparently my culture had some crystals and sediment, which is a precursor of kidney stones. I hang up, and pull up the website for my insurance company to find the number for the person they recommended. I say something like "well at least that's all it is, and it's not my pap that was abnormal!". Out loud. To my husband.

Phone rings two seconds later- it's the nurse calling back, saying they need me to come in for another pap because it was abnormal. They need to check for hpv. Are you fucking kidding me?! So I get to go in again on Thursday morning. I've never had an abnormal pap before...so this is kind of freaking me out a bit.

Happy Valentines Day!

2009-02-14T19:59:00.002-05:00

My mom left early this morning, so all is back to "normal". I have to say, I really loved having her here. There's just something about having my mom around that makes everything feel OK. She took great care of Seth, had some fun with Celia, and spent some quality time with me and Nathan. It was really great. I'll miss having her around! It was really a huge help having Seth well taken care of and being able to go to work without any worries. My step father even drove down yesterday to pick her up so she didn't have to fly home. I guess he was feeling a bit jipped because my mom got to spend all that time with the kids, and he was missing out. It was nice. Of course, we were supposed to go up there this weekend, but that got put on the back burner for now. Have to find time this spring to go up.

We've had a quiet Valentines day. I even got to take a 3 hour nap today! Talk about spoiled. We decided to not do anything "big" for the holiday (or for the kids birthdays or our anniversary in light of having to rodent-proof the house). So I made pasta for dinner, and we're going to just chill out and relax the rest of the evening. Celia had a "sweetheart dance" at school yesterday, so Nathan took her to that while I stayed with the baby. Since they got back and she was toast, our weekly "sleepover" got postponed til tonight. So tonight, we'll all have a sleepover in our bed. Sethy is in his room, of course. And we're in our room instead of the guest room because of the rats. They are really in the wall along the office (burrowing in under the siding at the fireplace). They are also in the corner of the wall in our room, but we'll have Nathan to protect us. :) She is such a cutie.

On the day care front, I've met with two in home places. Liked them both, and am trying to decide what to do. It would be nice to have an extra hundred dollars a week, that's for sure.

joy.

2009-02-12T12:58:00.002-05:00

Well, the trapper came yesterday, and it's bad. Really bad. they're getting in by crawling up under the siding and chewing their way through in an area that isn't sealed properly- along the ENTIRE back of our house. So now we get to pay over 2K to have this fixed. Talk about bad timing.

SO, if you're a knitter, and looking to buy some yarn, I'm destashing my personal stash. I've listed a bunch of things on my knitting blog in hopes that I can make up some cash fast. Thankfully Ravelry has already helped, and I'm getting rid of a bit. Or check out my etsy shop if you want to see some of the yarn I've dyed.

Thanks...

rats.

2009-02-10T19:43:00.002-05:00

Not mice, but likely rats. Or squirrels or chipmunks. We now have 3 or 4 different types of traps, and if they don't work, we get to call a trapper. Just great.

Seth and my mom had fun today. She cleaned and he watched. He was amazed at all the cleaning- not something he's used to seeing. But will be as we're going down to having our cleaning lady once a month instead of every other week.

Started looking into in home day care, and think I found a great place. Right around the corner, the house is SPOTLESS, and there is only ONE other baby there! Have to check out a few other places first, but looks promising.

Lastly, Seth is not sounding better. At all. In fact, he sounded a little better yesterday, but today is worse. Peachy. At least we see my favorite Dr. D tomorrow morning. Sigh.

Sigh of relief

2009-02-10T09:23:00.002-05:00

My mom got in yesterday, her shuttle was in the driveway when I got home, and she was just getting out! Perfect timing. We had a nice dinner, fired up the grill and made burgers. Then I filled her in on Seth's routine, and showed her where his meds are and how to do the neb. And I got up this morning, ate breakfast and got to work, with no worries at all. I'm so glad she came to help out. It makes a huge difference.

And...she will be there today when the Terminix buy comes- because we have some furry critters in the walls that need to be taken out. AKA mice...or chipmunks...or other things I refuse to think about. Shudder.

I have the best mom.

2009-02-08T19:31:00.002-05:00

Really, I do! My mom is just amazing.

The phone rang this morning at around 9 (believe it or not, just after we finished breakfast- banana pancakes and sausage). My mom had an idea. She has some time built up at work, and she was offering to fly down for a few days to help take care of Seth during the day, so N and I can both go into work. I never would have even thought of this as being an option, and here she was, offering it up. We hung up, and she asked me to think about it, talk it over with N, and call her back later.

I got some dyeing done, some for my yarn club, some for fun. Talked it over with the hubs, and we both decided that it was the perfect solution. She's willing to help us out, and with Seth still sounding horrible, and us not being able to send him to day care yet, it works perfectly. And now I won't be forced to send him back to day care on tuesday or wednesday before he's ready. He can be home all week, without giving it a second thought. I called my mom back, and accepted her generous offer. She's flying in tomorrow (N will stay home with Seth) and will leave on Saturday. She'll be such a huge help, I can't even explain it in words. I've been so nervous about having to tell my boss I'd be out a few more days this week. Now I don't have to be! I'm completely overwhelmed by her offer, and am so grateful that she's able to help us out like this. Especially now, with the economy being as it is, and the job market being even worse, if we were both to lose our jobs at the same time, we'd literally have to move back home, live in my mom or my inlaws house, and deal that way. Doesn't sound like fun. I wanted to move back there eventually, but not like that. Hopefully this will be Seth's last go of it for a while. Everything crossable is crossed.

On a selfish note, I'm excited to get to spend some extra quality time with my mom! And without having to drive up to B-lo. So instead of driving up north next weekend, we'll take it easy, let Seth rest up, and get some things done around the house. We've even made some progress in that department this weekend! N loaded up the back of my CR-V with stuff from the garage (torn out carpet and vinyl flooring, trash from when we did the bathroom, and loads of other random things), and took 2 trips to the dump. We got the kitchen a little better organized, emptied a few boxes of random crap/clutter that have been in the kitchen for months and months. Definitely nice.

roller coaster

2009-02-07T10:06:00.002-05:00

I feel like I'm stuck on an amusement park ride and can't get off. Seth is sick again. Here's the low down:
The day of his surgery was perfect. He was fabulous! No fever, happy, little crankiness, it was awesome!
The next day, he was perfect in the morning, went to day care, and had a great day. After we put him in bed Wednesday night, he was coughing a bit. We had done some albuterol before he went down, because he was a bit congested and was coughing a little, but not badly. He woke himself up, coughing and a bit wheezy, but nothing bad. So we gave him more albuterol at that point, and he went back to bed. This was a good thing, because I was sick myself at this point. My cold had been lingering for weeks, and my throat was a mess. I went to my Doc a few hours after Seth's surgery on Tues and found out I had strep. So was very sick, and slept ALL day- from 9 until 3. The phone rang twice, I answered, and fell right back to sleep. That's how sick I was.
Thursday morning, he sounded pretty good, but we gave him albuterol anyways. It was off to day care, and off to work (and an OB/GYN appt for me, for my annual, and because I ended up with yet another UTI- seriously this is enough!!). I stayed at work til about 5, and headed home to get the kids. I walked into Seth's room, and they told me he'd been wheezing for the last few hours, but it hadn't gotten bad until about 20 minutes before. I grabbed him, grabbed his sister, and got home to do his albuterol treatment ASAP. It didn't help, and at that point, he was hot. I took his temp, and it was 102.5, so I started to freak a bit. They had said after the surgery if he starts wheezing a lot or gets a fever over 102, or a bunch of other symptoms, to call them or take him to the ER. Given his history, I called his pulmonologists office (Dr R), and called the cell number on there. Thankfully it is a small office, so I spoke to the doc after 2 rings, and he suggested I take him to the ER. Apparently after anesthesia, pneumonia can be a concern. So it was off to the ER for us. 5 hours later, we got home, after ruling out pneumonia, RSV, Flu and Strep. Thankfully we had his follow-up scheduled with Dr R on Friday anyways, so timing couldn't have been better.
Friday morning, I stopped by work to grab my laptop and take care of one thing I had to do for that morning, and then we went to see Dr. R. The nurse was pleased his pulse-ox was so good, considering how he sounded. The doc put him on ora.pred again, because he sounded a bit wheezy and rough even an hour and a half after his neb treatment. And said to call him Monday if he wasn't significantly better.

Through all this, I'm terrified about my job. It has been made known that my working from home so much isn't a good thing. Especially when I haven't been as productive as I usually am. But honestly, when you've got a kid who is sick, screaming when you put him down, and just miserable, what else are you supposed to do?? It's exhausting, stressful, and I spend most of my days worried about him and his breathing. I'm doing the best I can to make progress on a few projects, and realize that in the last few months, I haven't been doing as much as I should be. I'm trying to change that. I've got a system set up for when I'm at home. I have lists, and calendars, and time tables for what I'm doing when, and make sure I have things I can do in 15-30 minute slots, so I don't start something big if I only have a little time. I have NO family here to help. My husband can help sometimes, but not all the time. He tries. But his job is in jeapordy too- especially when they'll likely be out of business this spring. Unless something major happens. So he needs to be present too. And I'm the mom. I worry! If my kid is sick, wheezing non-stop, feverish, and irritable, if I'm not there, I can't focus on anything but him. That is my issue, but it's still there. My kids are my priority, and that is just how it is. I think what upset me the most was getting an e-mail yesterday, as I'm sitting in the waiting room for Dr R, saying that I need to get more done before it effects my performance. That I need to be careful. What the hell am I supposed to do the day after my son has been in the ER?! There was NO way I could take him to day care after having a higher fever like that. And with his breathing so bad, there was no way they'd even take him if I tried. That is neglectful. I'm really at a loss for what to do. The surgery was PLANNED. I took the day off for that. The day after was up in the air anyways, depending on how the surgery went. I did not plan to get strep throat and feel so crappy. I didn't plan that at all. I still went in the next day, even though I had a nasty UTI, and felt like dying still. I was there. And I got a crapload done. I was home yesterday, and the baby was so sick, he slept from 11 til 3:45, and I was able to work basically from 10:30 til 4:30. My husband had come home 2 hours early so I could at least get a little work done in the afternoon. I got more done last night. I'll do more today. What else can I do?? I was aware of the problem after I came home from Miami. I have done all I can to fix it. It's not like I"m having fun being at home, and having a sick kid. I hate having to pump him full of drugs and steroids and antibiotics all the time. He's misreable. It's exhausting. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. And now I'm afraid of losing my job because of this. I've been there for 6 and a half years. Almost 7 years. And during most of that time my performance and productivity have been high (or at least my supervisors have all been happy with me, and my work). After a few months of dealing with a sick kid and being sick myself several times, yes- I admit that my productivity has been lower. How could it not be? But does a few months of lower quantity wipe out 6 plus years of high? I just don't know what to do here. The stress of this is overwhelming, and I still have my son to take care of. Not cool.

super fast!

2009-02-03T12:31:00.003-05:00

I can't believe how fast the surgery went!! I was able to go back while they put him out, since he was only 2 weeks away from the 1 year mark where they usually let a parent back. I insisted, and they gave me no trouble with it. I held his hands and told him to be brave, and that he was going to take a little nappy, and that I'd see him in a bit. He was out cold, and I went back to the pre-op room, where we collected our stuff and went to the waiting room. I had a minute to drink a few sips of coffee, update my twitter and facebook, and then the doc came out! I first thought it was to say hi before the procedure, but it was because she was already done. I barely played two levels of my brick breaking game on my black berry. So we sat tight for 5 more minutes, while they woke our little prince up, and got to go back pretty much right away. He was MAD. But doing pretty well. He woke up pretty fast and was alert and trying to jump out of my lap in no time. After some juice and getting him calm, we were discharged. We got home by 9...which is funny because some mornings I'm just barely out the door at 9. He did great. The doc said she got "a lot, a lot of fluid" out of his ears, and that she gave him a refill on the antibiotic drops in case he's still draining after the first batch is gone. She expects him to be because of all the fluid in there.

I am so glad we did this. It was so easy on him, probably harder on me than it was on him. He's sleeping in his room right now, and I'm here resting because, of course, I barely slept last night. Let's just hope it helps him stay healthy from here on out!

ETA: He just took a two hour nap, and woke up SO happy!! I changed his diaper without him screaming or crying. Knowing how much fluid was in his ears, I wonder if it hurt or was pressure when laying down. That could make a lot of sense... I'm curious to see how the next few diapers go. He ALWAYS cried when changing his diaper. And he just laughed and smiled through the whole thing. Hmm...

firsts

2009-02-02T14:36:00.003-05:00

Seth has been busy growing up lately! He's getting so big. At his doctors appt last week (to clear him for surgery) he weighed in at 22 pounds!! My little guy is growing up.

He has his surgery tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous about it, but am sure he'll be fine. Just another thing to do. At least it is early and he should be home by noon. Not going to be fun though. I just want him to not need the surgery at all. It's an in and out procedure, that only lasts about 10-15 minutes. He does get put to sleep, which I don't like. Hopefully it will be over before we know it, and he won't have any bad reactions to the anesthesia. Fingers are crossed!! I also hope that it helps him stay healthy. My boss has been so patient letting me work from home when I've needed to...but I have a feeling her patience is running out. It's not fair to everyone else that I'm working from home so much, and I haven't been nearly as productive as I should be. Hoping that he's over the hump and he'll be healthy from here on out.

He's just about ready to take his first steps too! He keeps thinking about it, but he isn't quite there yet. He lets go with one hand, then the other. And really thinks about it. It's very cute.

I also had my first trip away from the baby! I left on Saturday morning, the 24th, and came back at 2am on Tuesday the 27th. I got to go to Miami for my Aunt Debbie's memorial service, and it was absolutely incredible. I got to spend lots of time with my cousins, the rest of my dad's family. Just a few of us cousins made the trip, but it was SO much fun! I did get some good insight from my cousin who has 5 kids, all of whom have had ear tubes and breathing issues. We went out both nights I was there, until 2am, drank like crazy (but not too much), and just had a blast. It was awesome.

So lots of firsts. And Seth has 6 teeth now (four on top, two on the bottom). And I am working towards getting Celia enrolled in Kindergarten. I called the elementary school today (love that it's literally in our back yard) and have her name down and we'll be getting paperwork soon. Just crazy!!

end of chapter.

2009-01-15T20:02:00.002-05:00

Well, I've been thinking about this post for a week, and I'm finally ready to write it.

Over the past few months, we've been getting bills from SG fertility clinic, which I've ignored. I haven't been able to deal with them. Until a few weeks ago. I finally called, and found out that it was the $360 for embryo storage. I think that subconsciously I knew exactly what the bill was for, but wasn't able to deal with it. Monday, I finally grabbed the letter they sent us to sign, made copies of our licenses, and we signed it and got it in the mail. In the back of my head, that last embryo was there as a security blanket. And now it's gone. And I'm OK with that.

On another note, I have been in a funk lately. At first I thought it might just be the holidays, but I don't think it is. I am dealing with a lot right now, between Nathan possibly being out of a job in 2 months, the baby being sick every time I turn around, and being stressed about everything. We do not communicate well. And I've been "acting out" by spending money that I shouldn't be. I talked to my therapist about it on Monday, and we agreed that it is a good idea for Nathan to come with me next time. So she can gauge how things are really going, with my spending, stress level, and work on our communication together. I'm nervous to see how it goes, but I"m sure all will be good.

For now, I'm just sick, exhausted, and about to take a big dose of cough medicine that will knock me out for the night.

ENT

2009-01-08T13:57:00.002-05:00

We saw the ENT today, Dr C. She saw him, looked in his ears (where we find that his right ear has fluid in it= thus explaining the fever/crankiness from the last few days), and sent him for hearing tests. Thankfully they came back normal. Except for the one test they do in the hospital when they're born- dont' remember what it's called. But she repeated that. And his left ear is fine, but his right one failed. Due to the fluid in his ears, most likely. Makes a lot of sense. So, after the test, we spoke with the doctor again, and she immediately recommended ear tubes. So after going over the pros/cons, procedure, etc, we scheduled him. So he gets tubes put in on the 3rd of february. And in the mean time, we get to watch out for his fever to spike which would be a sign that he has an actual ear infection now. The fluid is there...just gotta wait for infection to start. Just lovely. That will make 3 weeks between ear infections. And he has been wheezing a bit.

So I bought this stethoscope which came in this week. I have been listening to his lungs every day, to get a feel for what he sounds like, and to train my ears a bit. I used to be an EMT in NY about 14 years ago, so I'm trying to remember what things sound like. The first few days he sounded pretty good, just a little wheeze here and there, but nothing really significant. Then yesterday, there were more of them. Needless to say, he's gotten some albuterol, and I'm keeping a close eye on him. Hoping to avoid an appt with Dr D tomorrow, but we'll see.

great start

2009-01-07T10:11:00.001-05:00

2009 is going to be fun. Heh. Seth has another fever. 100.3 this morning. Not high, but higher than I'd like and I can't send him to day care. At least we already have an appt with an ENT tomorrow morning. Curious to see how his ears look.

I did finally order a stethoscope and otoscope though. The stethoscope came in the other day, and I'm working on getting a feel for how he sounds "normal". Otoscope will be here in a few days, thankfully. At least they will help me gauge things a little better.

will it ever end?

2009-01-02T19:47:00.002-05:00

My mom and step father came in on Tuesday, so I've been a bit busy with them. Some cooking, some shopping, some fun, and some more sickness. Because it wouldn't be me without mentioning more sickness in one of my posts. Seth is still a bit sick, his stomach was back to normal for a whole 24 hours, and he's started with the runs again. Plus his breathing is turning to crap again. More wheezing, coughing and the like. I feel like a broken record. Luckily Celia is healthy (Knock on wood!). My mom and step father, brother, SIL, DH, the kids and I went to dinner last night, which was fun. I had my favorite thing from Macaroni Grill, the honey balsamic chicken, and a few glasses of their house chianti. Everyone else ate different things, but all were yummy. This morning we were all supposed to go to have portraits taken, and my mom called saying that she and my step father were sick. Stomach viruses, sour stomach with the fever/chills, head ache, weakness, etc. So they ended up leaving today and heading home (though only made it 1/3 of the way home because they were feeling too sick), while the rest of us had breakfast (salami and eggs- a family favorite!) and then went for pics. It was awesome! A woman I knew from work had recommended a photographer to us (she is one too, but on break for a few months), so we went to his home and had some pics taken. He took a ton of them, all different combinations of us. Some of the kids by themselves, together, then some of me with the kids, me with each one, all 4 of us, then some of my bro and his wife, some of me and my bro, some of my bro, his wife and the kids, etc. It was fantastic! I can't wait to see them. I was initially a bit worried because the baby didn't get his morning nap in, but thankfully he was happy, and ended up having a blast. The photos will be online in a day or two, and I can't wait to see them!!

Here's to hoping the rest of the weekend is great, and the baby feels better. My bro and SIL have some friends in town too, so we won't see them again. We have the weekend to our selves, and can rest and get some things done. Ended up at The Container Store yesterday and I picked up a new unit for the pantry. We had a nice over the door thing with slots on it, that the previous owners had put on, but it was cheap and kept banging when we opened the door. So I got a nice elfa system for it. I can't wait to install it!

New Years Eve was nice, I made a standing rib roast with a currant gravy, that was fabulous. After my mom and step dad left for their hotel, we went to a neighbors house for a party. Then I came home with the baby at 9:30, and the hubby and Celia stayed out til 12:30 (don't get me started on him keeping her out that late= I'm still really pissed about that). I just chilled out and watched some reruns of Friends on the Tivo, and went to bed after I realized they wouldn't be home before midnight. Anyway, it was fun. It was great to see my mom and step father, and spend some time with my brother and his wife today/yesterday. Now I"m ready to drop, and will do so shortly. Tonight Celia and I having a sleepover in the office/guest room. Some good, quality mommy/daughter time will be had! I can't wait.

sick again

2008-12-30T10:06:00.002-05:00

Our christmas was great! Lots of gifts, fun, and mess. We even got to go to my friend K's house (we worked in the same lab in grad school). The bummer was when Seth decided to throw up all over himself and me. Poor little guy. Thankfully we were able to get our clothes off and washed, without causing too much fuss. He seemed fine. Until we got home and he had pooped himself with explosive force. Nasty, really. So we had a few down days, and he seems to be starting to feel better. No more pukes, but still has some nasty poop and isn't eating much. Went to the Doc yesterday because he was getting thrush in his diaper again (and I thought in his mouth but I was mistaken there). But we spent a good 15 minutes with Dr D, and talked out everything. He does think that seeing an ENT is a good idea, so we're in the process of making an appointment for that too. We're also trying probiotics, since he was sick, and on antibiotics, and starting signs of thrush. Hopefully will help him avoid a full outbreak again.

Another annoying thing- yesterday. Nathan was home sick (same virus Seth had), and was watching him for a few while I went to give blood. I've been trying to for months now, and every time I get close to the appointment, I've been on antibiotics again. This time I wasn't, so I went. And on my way, I got rear ended again. In an intersection, with a 4 way blinking red lights. I had the nerve to make a full stop. Hah! Anyway, it wasn't my fault, and they're taking full liability. Phew. So now I have to get my car fixed again. And to make things more annoying- I couldn't give blood because my iron levels were too low. Typical.

My mom comes today, which should be awesome. I'm looking forward to seeing her and my step father. My bro and his wife comes in on the 1st too, so it should be busy around here. Have a happy new year everyone!!

postponed.

2008-12-23T15:32:00.002-05:00

Just our luck. I was ALL set to go into class today and teach the kids about Hanukkah. Latkes were made Sunday, and the oven was preheating. Cookies were just iced. Apple sauce purchased. All the plates, napkins, dreidels and gelt were in a bag and ready. And then the phone rings- day care had to close because of a water main break. Seriously?! I see the e-mails that the county sends out (a person at work usually forwards them on to all of us). The schools were closed, but private day cares didn't need to unless they had no water. But, mine decided to shut down. At 2. And what time was the party to be at? 2. Thankfully I hadn't heated the latkes up yet, so I packed up the cookies, and will save them for another time. Maybe tomorrow (if they are open).

At least on the plus side...I got to pick the kids up at 1:30. So we got to spend some extra time together. I made a big bowl of popcorn, put on a movie, and curled up with the kids. It was really nice.

back to the grind

2008-12-22T11:04:00.002-05:00

Both kids went back to day care this morning- I can't believe it! Here's to hoping the week is easy, and they both stay healthy for the holiday. Of course, Seth's nose started running again, but what can you do? I'll have to post the list of things you're supposed to keep kids home for- it's a riot. If I followed it strictly, he'd NEVER be in day care, and I'd be out of a job for sure.

Had a busy weekend. Finished up the Hanukkah/Christmas shopping. Finally. Made Xmas cookies and Latkes, and wished I could spend more time resting. Ended up at ChuckECheese for a birthday party for Celia's friend, which was fun. She had a blast. which made it worth it. Just a few more days til Xmas, and it will all be done with. Phew!

2 for 1.

2008-12-19T10:56:00.002-05:00

I love our pediatrician. I can't say that enough. I took the kids in for Celia's appt, (only Celia, because Seth just started meds, and didn't "need" to be seen). Celia has a lung infection, so it's antibiotics for her. And apparenlty she's wheezing a bit too, so we're using albuterol for her too. Joy! Then, he took a look at Seth's ears after he asked if I had started the antibiotic. He asked how he was, and I said that once we saw the temp hit 101, that we started it. He looked in his ears, and yup- ear infection on the left. He was glad I started them when I did. Just proves that my judgement sometimes can be correct. Phew. I knew Celia's cough wasn't right, and I'm glad I took her in. And its nice to have the confirmation that Seth did have an ear infection.

The sad part- I can't go in to Celia's holiday party today. I was supposed to teach the kids about Hanukkah, bring in a menorah, dreidel, and latkes. Luckily I hadn't cooked yet, so I'll just do it for Monday or Tuesday.

bah

2008-12-19T07:44:00.002-05:00

Seth definitely has an ear infection now. Started treating it yesterday, and already he's down to 99! Yeah! And he is much happier. Of course, last night, after the kids had a bath, Nathan comes in singing to me "do you hear what I hear?", referring to Seth's wheezing. Just our luck. Thankfully, this morning, he actually sounds pretty good, so hopefully treating it at the first sign with albuterol last night helped. That, and a combo of higher doses of other meds.

Now, because things have to be fun around here, Celia has a horrible cough. The kind that stops her in her tracks and hurts when she coughs. So we're going to the doc this morning to have her checked out. Always fun over here. Ha.

bad girl!

2008-12-15T15:00:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted in a while, because there really hasn't been much to talk about. Seth had been healthy (notice the had?!), Celia is healthy, I wasn't...but that's another story. Gotta love UTIs...seriously. 3 within 8 weeks- WTF?!!! SO unfair. At any rate, we've been pretty low key. I hate the holidays, so I just tend to burrow into a shell, and stay in it until they are over. I try so hard not to do that, especially with Celia being older now, but I can't help it. Instead, I'm throwing myself into the holiday spirit. I'm having Celia help me bake TONS of cookies. She helped me do all of the cut out cookies. The cutting out and the decorating. And helped me with the jam thumbprints too- rolled them in the egg wash and coconut. She even paused the TV during the times when I was ready for more help (only have 3 larger cookie sheets and there were LOTS of cookies to make!). It was incredible.

I'm also going into Celia's class on Friday with gelt, dreidels, a menorah, candles, latkes and applesauce to teach the class about hanukkah. It's going to be an interesting experience, because I don't know much of the details myself (thank goodness for the internet!!), but they asked parents if they wanted to come in and teach about some of our holiday traditions. So I figured why not?Her teacher was actually really excited, because she wanted to do all this stuff, but doesn't have the budget for it, and couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for everything. I just wish she was actually going to be there for it- she's on vacation this week. I may see about stretching it to next week, but we'll see.

Yesterday was the TOOTPU cookie exchange, which was SO much fun! I loved seeing everyone, chatting, catching up, and of course- eating loads of cookies.

Of course, as my luck would have it, I get home and think to myself- "Boy, Seth sure feels a little warm? I must be wrong!". As I helped get him ready for bed, I brought out the thermometer- 100.3. Hmmm. Cranky. Runny nose for over a week. Ding, ding, ding-- ear infection? Maybe? I let it go, and he went down great. This morning, he was still a little warm (100), so I figured it's better to be safe than sorry, and took him in to see Dr D. You know you're a frequent visitor when the nurse on the phone recognizes you as she's scheduling the appointment, and switches your spot from another Dr to Dr. D so we can see him instead. She said "because I know he likes keep a close eye on him". Great. Anyway, he's got loads of clear fluid in his ears. For now. He said that likely in the next few days, it'll turn to an ear infection. Given he has a cold virus, that he has the fluid, and he's prone to ear infections. At least we don't have to go back. If he's not doing better by tomorrow/Wed or if he gets worse, I'm supposed to call and he will send over a perscription for antibiotics. Gotta love that kind of service. At any rate, he's sleeping, I'm getting some work done, and hoping that he'll be able to fight it off fast and be well instead fo sick for the rest of the week. On a positive note, Dr D said that his lungs sounded the best he's heard in a long time- CRYSTAL CLEAR!!! Yeah!!!

turkey

2008-11-30T20:17:00.003-05:00

Thanks for the support everyone, it was a huge help. Things have been better, and Seth is on the mend! He sounds so much better, which is a huge relief! Seth went back to Dr D on wednesday morning, and he sounded so much better that we don't need to follow up again. The only thing that he noticed was that we've got thrush again. So back with the ny.statin 4 times a day (both in his mouth and in his diaper this time). Other than that, he's great! I was partially tempted to jump in the car on wednesday afternoon, but I didn't. I was good, and we stayed here as planned.

We had a nice, low key thanksgiving, which is what we all needed. My uncle and his wife and kids were here visiting my aunt's family for the holiday, so they came to lunch on Thanksgiving. Soup and sandwiches, followed by a nice walk after lunch. The kids had a blast, and we had a nice time catching up too. It was great to see them. I took naps most days, and just took it easy. I did do a little shopping, and treated myself to a few things (new jeans and a new purse!). Even got a few good deals!

Celia has had fun too. We put the tree up on Friday evening and got the tree decorated on Saturday morning. It feels like the holidays.

RSV

2008-11-23T15:40:00.002-05:00

Seth has RSV, which we found out after being sent back to the hospital on Friday. Poor kiddo was breathing really hard, and wheezing a bit. He was admitted, and after loads of nebs, suctioning, and rest, he got sent discharged this afternoon. I can't even describe how tired I am. How hard it is to stare at your baby in a metal cage/crib, and how hard it is to have to suction out his nose, when it's all clogged and gross. Thankfully he's breathing easier, and we're home. I am soooo opening a big bottle of wine tonight and having 2 glasses.

Unfortunately with this, we are now canceling our plans to travel to Buffalo for Thanksgiving. We'll stay in MD and lay low. Just to be on the safe side. Somehow I think that shoving him in the car, driving for 8 hours to a very cold place, and exposing him to lots of other people probably isn't the best idea right now. I also had to miss a few things this weekend that I REALLY wanted to go to, and am completely bummed about missing.

Hope everyone else had a better weekend than I did.

slightly better

2008-11-18T13:38:00.002-05:00

Seth's lungs sounded the same as they did on Friday, according to Dr. D. Not great news, but at least they aren't worse. Just wish they'd have been better. Of course this was after his last dose of prednis.one, and extending his course of that isn't the best idea (especially considering he's been on it two other times in the last two months. So instead, we're upping his pul.micort to four times a day for 3 days. We'll see how he's doing after that. Luckily, I had his 9 month well-baby visit scheduled for tomorrow, so we'll see Dr D again and have him listened to (and measured/weighed, etc). The only thing we won't do is his hep.B vaccine. We'll hold off on that- he said yesterday that there was no way he will give him any shots right now. So for now, Seth is home, away from day care, getting his nebs every 4 hours (sometimes sooner), and resting. He needs to be away from other kids/people right now, to avoid giving him anything else on top of what ever it was that initially triggered this episode.

At least I got to go to work today. Husband is at home, with Seth. I'll be home tomorrow, so I can take him to the Dr. Poor kiddo, I just want him to feel completely better and have no difficulties in breathing.

ER

2008-11-13T20:03:00.002-05:00

We had an eventful day. Seth has had a cold since last weekend, and I was a bit concerned about it. It wasn't getting any better at all, so I took him in today to see what the Doc thought. We got to see Dr D, and within 5 minutes, he was getting an albut.erol treatment. Seth was really wheezing a lot, to the point where his face had a little blue tint to it. NOT a good thing. So after that, and re-checking his pulse-ox, which was still under 80, Dr D sent us to the hospital. By ambulance. I was totally freaked, but he and the nurse did a great job at calming me down and reassuring me. I called Nathan to meet me at the hospital, because I knew I couldn't manage it myself without completely freaking. Thankfully we got there just after he did, so it worked out. After about 4 hours, another neb treatment (plus the one in the ambulance on the way), some oxygen, a chest Xray and some tests on nasal secretions (for rsv and flu virus) we were cleared to go home. His breathing is still not great, but at least his pulse ox was regularly over 90, and the blue was gone. Now we're on predni.solone again, and albut.erol every 4 hours. We get to go back and see Dr D again tomorrow. Talk about a stressful day!! I would have a glass of wine or something, but if he gets bad again, I have to drive to the hospital. Again. I'm hoping he's ok for the night. This whole infant asthma thing seriously sucks. And it's stressful. Seeing my precious sweet boy sitting on a gurney in an ambulance is an image I'll have with me for a long time. It's moments like that that I'm so grateful that my inlaws took the cat, and that we're doing all we can to help him breathe easier.

vote

2008-11-04T12:48:00.002-05:00

I spent an hour plus in line this morning, and cast my vote. I'm hopeful, optimistic, and excited at the chance for change!

getting ready

2008-10-30T16:13:00.004-04:00

This weekend is the first big craft show of the year for me! I had to apply, and get accepted, which makes me even happier and excited that I was chosen! If you're in the DC area, and are interested in checking out a wicked craft show, come by! Here's the info:

gold

2008-10-23T14:06:00.002-04:00

Well, it wasn't just a filling that I lost. It was an onlay- that was put in 3 years ago!! That I spent several hundred dollars on 3 years ago. And that was with insurance. Can you say I'm not happy?! So I get to replace it, with gold. They were at first talking about a crown, but decided that porcelain was not the way to go. So I get to have a gold onlay put in, which is not cheap. Even with 2 policies, it's still costing me 350! Yeah...it hasn't been a good week.

At least the week is almost over. Thank goodness!

Are you f*cking kidding me??

2008-10-19T20:03:00.000-04:00

After lunch today, I realized that I lost a filling. A big one. Can't I catch a break?? Looks like I'm headed to the dentist tomorrow. AND, Seth has a rash. So he's going back to the ped. Seriously, I'm tempted to dig a hole and hide for a while so nothing else happens.

Thrush

2008-10-17T22:39:00.003-04:00

Seth has thrush. Apparently it's common after either a course of antibiotics (of which he's had 2 in the last 3 weeks), and in kids who use nebs (which he does twice a day). So, he doc wasn't sure why it happened, but at least it's treatable. Thankfully he's in a good mood.

no surprise.

2008-10-17T09:54:00.001-04:00

Just yesterday, I was joking with a co-worker about Seth actually being healthy for one full week. I said "knock on wood" and knocked on my desk (which is not made from wood). I should have knocked on the door or something.

A few days ago, I noticed a little white residue on the inside of his upper lip. We thought it was likely from where he's chewing on himself (he's now got 2 teeth coming in the bottom). Boy was I wrong! This morning, his mouth was ALL white. His tongue, his cheeks, the inside of upper/lower lips. Not good. So we get to go to the Pediatrician this morning, and see what's going on. I'm guessing it's yeast, but hard to tell. It shouldn't be bacterial, since he just finished up his antibiotic 2 days ago. We shall see.

stolen from several others....

2008-10-16T12:54:00.002-04:00

1. How long have you been a Mom? 4 and a half years

2. How many children call you Mommy? 1.

3. Girl? Boy? or both?: both

4. Did you know what you were having? Yes, I hate surprises.

5. How old were you when you became a Mom? 27

6. How long were you in labor? I never had the chance. I had a scheduled C-section with Celia, and then again with Seth (though it did get pushed up because of contractions...they weren't real labor ones though)

7. What’s your favorite thing about being a Mom? The snuggling, hugging and kisses. They are like magic.

8. What’s your least favorite thing? not sleeping through the night.

9. Do you want more kids? No way- thus the tubal ligation.

10. Do you plan on having more soon? Not unless a miracle happens and my husbands low quality sperm gets to my ute and an egg gets past my tied tubes.

11. How many times have you been pee’d on? probably close to 100.

12. Barfed on? daily if you count spit-up.

13. Is your child named after anyone? Nope.

14. How did you come up with their name? both names were found in a baby name book of over 35,000 names.

15. When your child gets in trouble, who is the bad guy? Hands down it's me.

16. What is the longest you have been away from your children? A trip to San Jose/San Francisco last October. Though I suppose Seth was technically "with" me in the womb.

17. Bedtime routine? Dinner, followed by baths. After baths, I take Seth for his meds, Nathan takes Celia for 2 books of her choosing. I feed Seth, and he's usually down around 8. Lights go out after Celia's books, and then she gets 2 stories, 10 "protecting kisses" on her foot, and a dozen or so good byes. Followed by a request for water, last hugs, and then she's down.

18. Are your toes painted? Do you count the polish on my 2 biggest toes that is chipping off and only has a sliver left?.

19. Last movie you saw in the theater? Made of Honor. By myself. Before I went back to work.

20. One thing you will not give up just because you’re a mom? Knitting.

21. One thing you did give up now that you’re a mom: drinking as much as I used to. Now it's 1 glass of wine or 1 drink. Not 2 or 3.

22. Best Mom perk: The smiles, hugs and kisses.

23. Snack, you sneak bites from your child? sometimes.

24. When the kid is napping, you are: watching TV or knitting.

25. Where is your child(ren) now? PreK and day care

26. Favorite place to buy maternity clothes? Old Navy

27. If I could do it over…I would have found a way for me to stay home with them.

28. Did it turn out the way you expected? Even with the bad parts, it's even better.

what to do

2008-10-15T13:10:00.002-04:00

Been busy! Finally feeling better, which is a good thing. Or I should say my throat is feeling better. This morning I woke up with the odd sensation that I was coming down with a UTI. Because I can't just have one sickness at a time. Lucky me! So I'm off to the Doc this afternoon to get more antibiotics (because one is never enough!).

Last weekend we got all of the carpets cleaned as well as the sofas and loveseats. The house is as cat-free as can be! Plus on Monday we had the ducts cleaned, so we're really doing well right now. Thanks to my mom (who offered to pay for both the rugs/sofas and duct work), and my MIL (who took the cat), we're now doing as much as humanly possible to keep Seth's breathing on track. And today, he actually sounded good for a change. Nice.

I'm starting to look forward to this weekend. At first, my husband was going to go up to Harrisburg to help the guys (his BILs and dad) build a shed for my SIL/BIL. It was the weekend of their annual camping trip, and I had begged him not to go for the camping part. The idea of being with both kids myself for the weekend, and having him far away completely freaked me out. Yes, it's irrational. But I can't help that. I'm trying though. I had mentioned to Celia last week that she probably wouldn't get to go camping this fall (because it is already almost over!), and she was really upset. I mentioned casually to my husband that it was too bad she couldn't go with him to Harrisburg and be part of the guys weekend. He said that he was pretty sure that was not what others wanted, but that he'd check and see. As it turns out, they'd rather have Nathan bring Celia for the camping part than have him just there for the day, so he's going to take Celia. At first I went back and forth on whether I thought it was a good idea, but Celia really wants to go camping, so they're going. Which leaves me for the entire weekend with the baby. Just the two of us! I'm actually really excited about having so much quality time with him. He's getting so big, and learning so much every day. I'm hoping to get to the mall, but I have no clue what else we'll do! A whole weekend and nothing to do...sounds like heaven! Hopefully he'll cooperate and be in a good mood so we can have some real fun together.

my turn

2008-10-10T13:13:00.003-04:00

Today was my turn to hit the doctors. I have had a sore throat on and off for weeks, and it hasn't really been bad, just annoying. Until yesterday. And this morning, it was even worse, so I figured I'd go have it checked out. Turns out I have a wicked case of strep throat. No idea where it came from, but it's there. And she gave me the "worst throat of the week" prize. Lucky me!!

And to show just how lucky I am, I went into work yesterday afternoon for a few hours. Initially it was for a meeting, but it got cancelled. So I still went in anyways. On my way home, on my least favorite stretch of the commute, on 270, I got rear ended. Thankfully I'm OK and my car is fine. BUT it sucks, because I still have to have my car looked at, and deal with insurance shit. On top of being sick. Bah.

back to the Dr.

2008-10-08T13:30:00.003-04:00

Seth went back to the pediatrician this morning. His wheezing was really bad, and was grunting a bit, so we just took him. He was not thrilled with how Seth is doing, and he actually spent a good amount of time with us. We did an albuterol treatment in his office, which helped a little but not much. He called Dr. R (the pulmonologist) to talk with him about changing up Seth's treatment plan, since it's not working. He shouldn't be wheezing this badly every time he gets sick. I'm waiting on that call to see what they want to do. We may have to put him back on Prednisone again to clear it up, but it's not a good thing to have to keep going back to that.

On a positive note, here are a few pics of the floor!! It's absolutely beautiful. The color is so rich, and dark, and amazing! The pic of the hallway with the stairs next to it shows the color the best, or possibly the one with Seth. I absolutely love it. It's amazing!!

delay

2008-10-07T14:01:00.002-04:00

Why the delay in posting the pics of the new floor?? Because Seth is sick again and I haven't had a chance to get the pics off my camera! Friday, he had a fever and stayed home with his dad. Saturday, he was doing better. But sunday afternoon, his fever was back at 103.3 (even on motrin). So yesterday back to Dr D to find out he had a double ear infection AND conjunctivitis in both eyes (which was pretty obvious with all the green puss coming from his eyes). He's now on antibiotics for the ears, and drops for his eyes, and is miserable. Still crying a lot, has no voice left (which makes his little cry so sad), and is wheezing a lot now. Of course yesterday with Dr D, his breathing was good. Today, not good. Not good at all. May be going back tomorrow, but we'll see.

Show and Tell 2

2008-10-05T06:30:00.003-04:00

For my second show and tell, I am showing what we've been up to lately with our house.

First- we have our most recent project- replacing some nasty tan carpet with a bamboo floor. The hard surface will make it much easier to keep it clean for Seth, since we don't really know what's contributing to his breathing issues. And, it's absolutely gorgeous!

First, my husband tore up the carpet in the family room and hallway. This revealed a nasty vinyl floor that was green. And glued to the concrete, which was not easy to get up. It involved renting this:

Here's a lovely shot of the vinyl floor. Isn't it sooo '70's? Notice the bookshelves that are built in?? When they were built in, they were done on top of the carpet. So my husband had to take off the base molding and pull out all of the supports, just to get the carpet out of that space. Thankfully it wasn't too difficult, it will just involve some tweaking when we put the supports back in, since the concrete is lower than the carpet. And there is a slight difference between the height of the bamboo and the height of the carpet.

Here's the room once it's rid of the vinyl, carpet, and trash. Because let me tell you how much the vinyl made! Lots of heavy, heavy trash.

Lastly, the hallway.

This weekend, my in-laws are here and my FIL and husband are putting in the bamboo. I have to say it's even more beautiful in person!! I can't wait to see it done. The family room is done, and the hallway will be done today. I can't wait to show some more pics this evening once it's all done!!

5 months.

2008-09-30T20:57:00.002-04:00

If we're reading it right, my husbands severance package will include 5 months of pay. Plus benefits. Thank god. We found out today that he will likely be losing his job soon, but we don't know when or how it will happen. They sent out the packages just a little while ago, and we read through it. It looks like things will be ok, just stressful.

The hardest thing is knowing that he has been dragging his feet on getting prepared for this. He still hasn't touched his resume. And he still hasn't started looking for another position. It's going to be a stressful few weeks/months. I just hope he doesn't have a hard time finding a job.

===============
On the plus side, Seth got his first tooth! I noticed it today when I was changing him before bed. It's definitely there, and little, and sharp. And he is still all smiles! My baby is getting SO big!

I took this pic this morning. Just precious! Notice that Celia got her hair cut. Short, like Tinkerbel. She wants to be a fairy for Halloween and wanted her hair SHORT. Such a sweetie.

Light the Night

2008-09-25T13:20:00.001-04:00

Once again, I'm going to be walking in the Light the Night walk to benefit
the Leukemia and Lymphoma society on October 4th in Fredericksburg, VA.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) funds lifesaving cancer research that
has contributed to major advances in the treatment of blood cancers and many
other types of cancer treatments, such as chemotherapy and stem cell
transplants, that have helped patients live better, longer lives. New
targeted therapies that kill cancer cells without harming normal tissue are
providing drugs and procedures that are improving the quality of life.

But more research is critically needed:

Every five minutes someone is diagnosed with blood cancer. Every 10 minutes,
someone dies.
Leukemia causes more deaths among children than any other cancer.
Nearly 20,000 Americans died from lymphoma in 2007.
The survival rate for myeloma is just 34 percent.

Please make a donation to support my participation in the Light The Night
Walk and help save lives. Be sure to check my Web site frequently to see my
progress, and thanks for your support! Here is the link for my donation
page: http://www.active.com/donate/ltnRichmo/2335_sbidwell

better!

2008-09-23T09:49:00.002-04:00

What a week! Thankfully Seth is finally better, and back at day care as of yesterday. After 2 full weeks of being out. Ouch!

Where were we when I last posted? I took Seth to the ped on Wed, and we had blood drawn. So, thursday, Dr D called me and we talked about the blood results. Looked like it was probably another virus, which is good news. Either the aug.mentin worked fast, or he didn't need it, but he wanted to keep him on it just to be safe. He also asked how his breathing was doing (not better at that point), and said that if he hadn't improved quite a bit by the next morning (Friday), that he wanted to see him again. So friday morning, we went back to see Dr. D. He walked in and listened, and he was doing a little better (which was really good, considering I hadn't gotten to his nebs before leaving the house), which was really good news. Because if he hadn't gotten any better at all, he would have hospitalized Seth. Not happy news. Definitely not happy news. So, we chatted, and he said that he had hoped to be able to make the decision of whether or not to hospitalize him that morning based on what he saw, and that he wasn't quite sick enough to be hospitalized. But he wasn't happy with how he was doing, either. So he suggested keeping him home and continue doing what we were doing for a few more days, and see where we were on Monday. I also mentioned that I'd call Dr. R (the pediatric pulmonologist) and let him know what was up (since he wanted to be kept in the loop), and he liked that idea. He said that Dr R may even want to see us that day, and not to be surprised if that was the case. So I called Dr R when we got home at 9:15, and we had a spot at 10:15. So off we were again. Dr. R was somewhat happy with how Seth was responding to the meds, and fully agreed with everything that Dr D had us doing. He said that he could have gone up a little on the pred.nisone, but that hopefully it wouldn't be necessary. His breathing sounded pretty good (duh- had givein him nebs just before we left for that appt), but he definitely agreed that he was laboring more than he should. He said to keep Seth on the 2 doses of pul.micort a day instead of just one throughout the winter, as Dr. D had suggested. And we'll go back at our next scheduled appt in October. He did say that he was hoping after our last appt that we'd be through this wheezing patch soon, and that Seth would just grow out of it fast. But after this last bout, that we'll likely be frequent flyers with him. Lucky us. At least he's fantastic, and one of the best ped. pulmonologists in the area. That does make me feel a bit better. And with him being in agreement with our pediatrician, that makes me feel even better.

That's the update on Seth. Later I'll update on the progress with our floor.

another virus?!

2008-09-17T19:06:00.002-04:00

Well, we have two options here. First is that the secondary bacterial infection (which the Dr still thinks he has because his lungs are pretty crappy), is a bacterial infection that aug.mentin will not work on. Either being resistant or another type of bacteria. The other option, is that on top of the original virus and bacterial infection, he's now got another viral infection. The Dr is leaning towards that, but we won't know until the blood count comes back tomorrow.

On another note, I purposely did NOT give Seth his nebs this morning because I wanted Dr D to hear him breathing, and get some verification that what I was hearing was, in fact, wheezing. Let's just say that I'm not crazy!! He didn't like it one bit, and we did a neb treatment right in the office so he could listen to his lungs after and see how well it helped. They were better, but he was still wheezing after the al.buterol. So, now we're back to every 4 hours on the albut.erol, twice a day on the pul.micort, AND 2mL twice a day of pred.nisolone. Plus the 2mL of Zan.tac and the au.gmentin. Poor kiddo is getting tons of meds right now. I'm just hoping they help. His temp is a little better, but still not perfect. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

still here.

2008-09-17T08:10:00.003-04:00

Seth still has a fever, down to 100.1, but is still there. We get to see Dr. D again today (man is he going to be sick of me!) at 9:15. This time I'm not giving Seth motrin or his nebs before I take him. He's definitely been using his albu.terol several times a day lately. Not liking how this is going. We're now on day 10 with a fever over 100.

update

2008-09-16T10:31:00.002-04:00

Celia: Better!! Went to Dr D yesterday, who said she does NOT have a UTI (her urine results were iffy at best, and the culture showed NO growth!!). Yeah!! She's finally back at preK today.

Nathan: Doing a little better. Not horizontal all the time, but still not back to normal. Will likely be home again tomorrow since he's still not feeling great. Poor guy.

Seth: Still sick. Has a fever still of 100.8 this morning. Dr. D said that he wasn't comfortable with the fact that Seth has had a fever for 8 days (as of yesterday), and that it's likely that he developed a secondary infection. Especially considering there was mucus in his lungs, and bacteria love mucus. SO, we'll see what the antibiotic does. And if he's not better by tomorrow with no fever, Dr D told me to call him.

Me: I'm still fine!! I can't believe I've managed to avoid it. I'm sure sleeping in the baby's room instead of my bed has helped. I even managed to run to the mall on Sunday and do some shopping. Treated myself to a shirt, lunch, and more bath bombs.

That is all!

What is this thing?!

2008-09-13T16:19:00.002-04:00

Seriously, what the hell is this thing? Celia still has a fever (after it being gone this morning), and is up to 102.1 again. Nathan has been pretty solid around 103. I'm still OK, but the baby was also up a little around 100.0 again this morning. What is going on here?? Why won't everyone just get better already?

Celia just scared the crap out of me too. She was watching TV downstairs, and started crying and saying that she couldn't breathe. She was wheezing like crazy, and was able to make it upstairs to let me give her the albute.rol in the neb, which thankfully stopped it. She was hysterical, and had no idea how to stop it. She didn't like the neb, but I did bribe her quite nicely with a Dum Dum lollypop. Needless to say, she's going to the doctor on Monday. I also managed to look down her throat, and it's red. Please, oh please don't let it be strep. That is the one thing that I can never avoid.

oy.

2008-09-12T13:55:00.000-04:00

Nathan just called. He's coming home because he doesn't feel well. What the hell is this virus?!! I better not get it. I can't afford to miss any more work! Crapper.

And his meeting was OK, but not great. Some positives, some negatives. We'll basically have to wait and see what the next 2 weeks bring. I hate waiting.

wtf

2008-09-12T11:09:00.002-04:00

Seth was doing better. His temp was closer to 100 most of yesterday. And then last night, at 3 when he woke up, it was up to 102.2. And it was still going up, but he decided to poop while I had the thermometer in (three times...No, I didn't learn my lesson the first attempt). So I'm not sure how high it would have gotten. And Celia is now up to 103.8. What the heck is this virus?? It just keeps going and going. Nasty, pesky thing. I hate viruses.

At least it is Friday, so they have 2 more days to get better before heading back to day care/preK on monday (I'm being optimistic in hoping that they'll both be well enough to go).

And in 15 minutes, Nathan goes to a meeting where they'll give an update on the status of their jobs. It's either going to be a good friday, or a bad friday. Hoping for a good friday.

phew

2008-09-11T20:40:00.002-04:00

Well, we avoided that one! Thankfully Seth does not have pneumonia. I was really getting worried for a minute there, but when 2 hit and they hadn't called yet, I was pretty sure we were in the clear. You would think that if it was bad, they would have called as soon as the fax came in with the results. Thank goodness. Poor kid does still have a fever though, only it's lower (more like 100.5 instead of 102/103). And to top it all off, this morning Celia woke up sick. So I had both kids home today, and I am now exhausted!! Celia's been sleepy, but not sleeping. She slept terribly last night, apparently woke up a few times (but I slept through the whole thing). At one point, I guess Nathan woke up to find her asleep next to him, out cold, so he left her there. When she got up, I felt her forehead when she said her stomach hurt, and knew immediately that she was staying home too. When Nathan took her temp, he yells to me from the bathroom "I have a 4 letter word for you", and I yelled the same thing back, because Seth had a temp again, after gong 12 hours yesterday without one. Can this please be over soon?? It would be nice to actually GO to work. I love being with them, but feel awful missing work for a whole week like this.

still sick

2008-09-10T10:35:00.001-04:00

There is never a dull moment around here! This morning, I took Seth to see our favorite Dr D. After a quick exam, he said that there is good news and bad news- he didn't find much. But what he did find, was that his lungs are all mucous-y. Yuck! So, since he is so young, the course of action is... another chest Xray! Oh joy of joys. So I headed over to SGR, and got the chest Xray done. You can tell he doesn't feel well when he didn't cry until a few minutes after being put in the "seat" for his Xray. Poor kiddo suddenly started a high pitched squeak and started balling hard. And raspy. It broke my heart. So now we're home, he's resting, and I'm trying to get some work done. And waiting for the phone to ring to find out if there was anything on the Xray. I hate when they won't tell you anything at the radiology offices!

300??

2008-09-09T16:29:00.003-04:00

Wow. My 300th post was on Sunday- holy crap!!

I have a few things to talk about today. First, let's start with Seth. He had his 6 month appointment on Friday, which was great. We saw my favorite Dr, Dr D. He was fabulous as always, and decided that while the Dr R (the Pulmonologist) thinks that Seth's reflux is not an issue nor is it causing issues with his breathing, Dr D feels like it is worth it to treat it with Zan.tac. That since he's still spitting up, and wheezing daily, that we should be trying everything. Even though it isn't really upsetting Seth, that he still shouldn't be wheezing as frequently as he is. And of course, every time we're with Dr. R, he is breathing fine. Typical. At any rate, he's now 18 pounds, 11 ounces, and getting bigger every day! He did hear the wheezing I'm talking about hearing, which was good. He thinks it's mostly nasal at this point, but then when Seth coughed, he heard another wheez that was definitely in his chest. He's tempted to increase his dose of pulmi.cort to twice a day. But we'll see how things go for now. After the vaccines (4 shots and 1 oral), he was doing pretty well. A bit cranky, a little temp, but nothing more than that. Then Saturday he was fine.

Sunday evening, he started with a fever of around 101.2. By the morning it was down to 99.9, so I stayed home with him. He was doing great! Until after dinner, when he was warm again (now at 101.2 again). He didn't sleep well last night, and ended up in our bed because he was cranky and kept waking up, but soothed down right away with snuggling. So we snuggled all night, and it was great. I did wake up in the middle of the night and touched his head and he was HOT. But by the time we got up, it was down to 99.7 again. So I kept him home again, and called the pediatricians office. After speaking with a nurse, we decided to treat it with tylenol for now, and keep an eye on him. That if he hit 101, that we should have him seen. So we chilled out, I gave him some more tylenol, and snuggled in at one point for a short nap. He woke up a bit later, hot again. This time it was up to 102.5. So I called the ped's office again, and now there are no more slots available for the rest of the day. All the docs are in meetings for the rest of the day. So, we have an appointment for 8:30 tomorrow morning to see what's going on. I'm a little worried, but don't think it's enough to take him to the emergency room (as they suggested if I was really concerned). So we'll see what happens over night and tomorrow. I hate it when he's sick. ;(

The other thing that I'm worried about is with Celia. She came into our room the other day, and said to me that she had something to tell me. I asked her what was going on, and she told me that she was upset. She and her friend were talking about her coming over to their house or her friend coming over to our house to play some day. And then her friend said that she wasn't allowed to come over and that Celia couldn't come over to her house either. Because her daddy doesn't like white people. My blood ran cold instantly. I had no idea what to say to her. I thought I had years before dealing with this sort of thing, and here is a 4 year old telling my daughter that she can't be friends with her because she's white. I am floored. And I have no idea what to say to my kid, who is heartbroken because she loves this girl. Any advice here?

Show and Tell

2008-09-07T09:40:00.004-04:00

Since my daughter just started PreK, and now has Show N Tell every Friday, I decided to finally jump in on the fun!

I grew up in Buffalo, NY. And having grown up there, made it so I was very close to one of my favorite spots- Niagara Falls.

I went up there as a child, whenever we had visitors come in to town, and never appreciated it. Then when I was about 17, and in love for the first time, my boyfriend and I went up there and I was just amazed at their beauty. After he and I split in my sophmore year of college, I moved back home to go to UB. This was when I really visited the falls. Weekend after weekend, being that it was just 25 minutes from campus. We'd go up there to go clubbing, at Rumors Night Club, right up on Clifton Hill. We'd park on the American side, walk over the bridge, drink til we couldn't drink any more (for $20 american, we'd get nearly $30 canadian, and drink a LOT), and then stumble back over the bridge so we could clear Cus.toms without any problems (since we were only 19, which is legal in Canada but not in the US).

In April, I took Celia there for the first time. She absolutely LOVED it! She loved watching the water, and waves, and mist. It was such a great moment, I had to share it.

At some point, I also visited my other favorite spot, Niagara-on-the-Lake, which is a little town about 10 minutes from the Falls. It's picturesque, has great shops, restaurants, AND my favorite part, wineries. In grad school, a friend of mine (K- the one who just moved here), and I, along with a few other labmates would go up there for "tea" at the Prince of Whales hotel. They have a fabulous afternoon Tea.

I loved it so much, that my husband and I decided to take our Honeymoon in NOTL. We had a small hotel all to ourselves, went to all of the wineries we could find, tasted hundreds of wines, and bought about 50 bottles (no joke). It is a lovely town, and I go back every chance I get (including in April when I was in Buffalo for a bit). Here is Celia, in NOTL, stopping to smell the tulips (my all time favorite flower). In April, they are in bloom on every street corner, and lining the streets. Just amazing.

And here are a few pictures from a trip Nathan and I took up there with 2 friends a few years back over Thanksgiving. I love how it looks in the snow. Reminds me of one night on our honeymoon. We were there at the end of March, and we had just had a nice dinner and went for a walk. As we were walking, it started to snow (not at all uncommon for March). The big, fat, beautiful snow flakes just blanketed the town, and we practically had it all to ourselves. One thing I'll never forget.

wild weekend

2008-09-03T09:33:00.003-04:00

Wow. Labor day weekend was such a whirlwind!! We spent tons of time with friends, more friends, and some other friends. It was fantastic. Sometimes, I forget how much friends can be like family, and for that I am so grateful! My friend K, who is now a patent attorney in DC, is now in her apartment in Arlington. Saturday night, we went over there to christen her kitchen with dinner. It was fantastic, and so much fun to see her!! She was one of my best friends in grad school, and I'm SO excited to have her here now. We're already talking about checking out some restaurants, shopping, and just chilling. Not that she'll have much spare time in the beginning, being a lawyer, but everyone needs a break sometimes! And her place is exactly 38 minutes from mine, which is just awesome.

Then Sunday, I spent some one-on-one time with Celia. I took her to lunch, and then to Whole Foods for some groceries. We had so much fun being silly together. Then some friends came down from Philly, and a few others came up from Fredericksburg, and we just chilled in the back yard. Ordered some pizza, and drank some wine and mojitos. Talk about the perfect evening. Labor day itself was spent with the friends from Philly (who spent the night), having breakfast, making lunch, and then heading to a party at our neighbors house after our friends left. Lots of fun was had, some good drinking was done (though not by me for once), and we all just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves.

I also spent a bunch of time getting ready for a craft show I"m doing this weekend. Lots of yarn has been dyed, reskeined, and some has been labeled. I still have more labels to print, but for the most part I'm ready. For those of you in the area, the show is at the Artway in Damascus. Check out the flier I made up! We have goodie bags for the first 50 buyers, and a huge gift basket with items from all of the tables up for raffle. It's going to be fantastic!

day by day

2008-08-28T14:34:00.003-04:00

It's getting easier. Thankfully the vivid thought of Zoey when she collapsed (she refused to lay down) and fell asleep for the last time is starting to fade a bit. It's no longer the first thing I think about whenever I think about her being gone. The other memories, the ones I'll treasure forever, are more prominent. While I miss her, and I catch myself calling the other cat Zoey, and I swear I've felt her crawl on the bed in the middle of the night and lay on my feet, she isn't here anymore, and she's in a much better place.

And because nothing can ever be simple over here, Seth has developed a nasty stomach virus. One that involves him spitting up a bit, but the fun part is the diarrhea. It's poisonous! It stinks, and it's gross, and it's everywhere. It started Wednesday around 3AM (when I noticed it for the first time), when he puked on me, then continued to poop all over me and pee on me when I was cleaning up the poop. He's definitely a boy, because he looked SO proud of himself after that. It was so cute it was funny. I would have been really upset had he not smiled at me with that big toothless grin just seconds after it happened. That "I love you mommy, I feel so much better now" look. Let's just say that it was NOT fun. And I"ve been home with him since taking care of the poop and the spit up, and the crying cranky baby. He did go to the Doc yesterday just to check on him. I was a little over protective to take him, but with his asthma and he had been pretty snotty for a few days, and had a mild fever, I just wanted to make sure nothing else was going on (which nothing else is for once). The fun thing we learned is that Seth has a bump on his gum where his next tooth will be coming in. He also has something called a Geographical tongue. Like splotches on his tongue in the back, almost like a map. I guess it's common in kids with asthma/allergies, and gets more pronounced when they're sick. Interesting. At least it's absolutely nothing to be concerned about, just something to note.

And I've been getting things ready for my fall craft shows too! I've got a table at the Artway in Damascus next Saturday (Sept 6th) where I'll be selling my yarn and other knitting accessories. I've got tons of stock dyed up, which has been fun. AND, I decided to open up a yarn club! It's all about Harry Potter, has 7 shipments, and is one skein dyed from inspiration from each of the 7 books, either a character or a place, or a thing that was important to the plot. I'm really excited about it. If you're interested, check it out in my shop here. Should be a lot of fun!!

Bah...baby is awake again. I wish he'd sleep so I can get some work done. And so he can kick this virus!

broken

2008-08-26T13:26:00.002-04:00

The only way I can describe how I feel right now is broken. I have a huge hole in my heart. It kind of surprises me, how hard I'm taking the passing of my Zoey. I love(d) this cat more than anything. She was my "furbaby" for 6 plus years, almost her whole life. Yet I'm surprised that my heart is crushed. That I feel nauseous. That I just want her back.

I know we did the right thing in letting her go. She was not in her prime. The end was inevitable. We knew it was coming, and that it was unfair to keep her alive just for us, when she wasn't well. But it hurts like hell having her gone.

Last night before bed, I was laying there, under the covers. And I swear that I felt her jump on the bed and lay on my feet. But when I looked over, no one was there. It was all in my imagination. Same thing happened this morning. I was taking my shower this morning, and our other cat (Trinity), walked in and sat on the toilet and watched me. Then she looked back towards the door, expecting Zoey to come in and bang on the shower door (she liked to jump in and get wet whenever anyone took a shower). She looked confused when she wasn't coming. And it broke my heart.

Celia is doing OK with it all. We've told her that Zoey is in Heaven. Not that I'm sure that I really believe in Heaven, but it's at least a way to explain it to a 4 and a half year old. She's in a place where she can run around outside, lay in the sun, chase butterflies, eat and drink as much as she wants, and jump in the shower whenever she feels like it. She's not sick anymore. She's healthy, and happy, and having fun. I really miss my little Zoey. Her sweet head, I loved to kiss her head. I think the thing that hurts the most is that I was the one who had to make the call. I was the one who told the vet that it was time to let her go. And I am the one who originally kept forgetting to call and take her in to get checked. We could have caught it earlier, treated it sooner, and probably had her around for much, much longer. And even though looking at the "what if's" is not exactly the best thing, I can't help it and I do blame myself somewhat. I should have called the vet sooner. But I didn't. And she got really sick, and she's gone, and I have to live with that.

I just really miss her. And I know the pain will fade eventually, but for now it is raw. And real. And I do feel broken.

Good bye Zoey

2008-08-25T09:17:00.004-04:00

She's gone. Over the weekend, she threw up all over the house...which was a sign we were supposed to look for. This morning, I took her to the vet with the intention of having her put down. I had her checked out, the vomiting was either a sign of her advanced kidney disease, or of her being scared that we were gone for a few days (our neighbor came to feed/medicate her while were away playing). No way of knowing which. They offered to try a few things to see if they helped, and I asked about having her put down. They can't really push you in either direction, but they talked me through it, and said that if it was what I wanted than they'd support it. If I didn't have kids to worry about, I would have done whatever possible to keep her around. But with a 4 and a half year old who remembers everything, it made sense to let her go before she got really sick. I want Celia to have fond memories of Zoey. Not sad ones. And I didn't want to get to the point where Zoey was suffering.

I held pet her and kissed her head as they injected her. I watched her fall asleep for the last time. And then I spent about 10 minutes with her to say goodbye and be with her. And I cried the whole time. I cried the whole way home. And the whole way in the house to get to my other cat, Trinity. Who hissed at me. Typical Trin. At least she let me pet her a little while I cried some more. Now I feel like I'm all cried out, but I know that when I tell Celia that zoey is gone, that I'll be in tears again.

Talk about a shitty couple of weeks. Enough death, thank you very much.

Zoey Bidwell, March 20, 2002-August 25, 2008
We will miss you.

random

2008-08-21T12:30:00.003-04:00

There were a few things I wanted to post about from my trip to Buffalo, but I can't seem to remember what they were when I'm posting, so I'm doing it now. In one post, so I don't forget again. They are quite random, but I'll separate them as I go.

First-------Adoption and subsequent pregnancies. I have two cousins. Neither of which are blood related, but are cousins none the less. T and his wife E live in Florida, and had tried to have a baby for years. Including doing IVF which was unsuccessful. They finally went and adopted a little boy from Kazakhstan. After a year, they weren't even trying, just not preventing, and they got pregnant. They just had their little boy about a month ago. Then my other cousin E (who is a nephew of my uncle's wife), and his wife had trouble getting pregnant, and were doing IVF last summer. They had no luck. Then they stopped trying, and I'm not sure if they adopted or just stopped trying (that story was muddled and I was pretty drunk so I can't remember), and then she got pregnant. So it's happened twice in my family. Plus another cousin (my dad's cousin's daughter) did IVF twice, and ended up with a set of twins and a son. So clearly infertility is all over my family. Just thought it was interesting. Of course, the one cousin who was up and I saw, I really didn't get to talk to about the infertility stuff because it was his step mom that had just passed.

Secondly----The same evening I found out about the adoptions/pregnancies, one of my cousins asks me about IVF. She's in vet school now, and not ready to start a family until she's done, and is worried that it may be an issue. Partially due to her age, her fiance's age (he's about 10 years older than her I think), and maybe because of something she wasn't saying. At any rate, she asked about it. So we chatted. And as we're talking, a woman (who is married to one of my dad's cousin's kids), turns around and says that she's actually an Embryologist at a clinic in Buffalo. So she was able to help me describe everything for my cousin (did I say I had a few shots of scotch that night?). And my cousin was grateful to have me as a resource in case she does need help. The one thing I did tell her was considering she was worried (and I firmly believe that sometimes we can be worried because there is an underlying reason to worry), that if after 6 months nothing has happened, to insist on being tested. Obviously this is still a ways away (considering she just got engaged). But it was really nice to talk to her about it. I just hope she doesn't need the assistance.

Thirdly-----The baby doll. My mom wanted to take Celia to a place that is like a doll nursery. You go in, pick out a baby doll, and then "adopt" it. The dolls are "lifelike" in that they weigh 8 pounds, and you can even get ones that breathe. Too cool. So my mom wanted to get Celia a baby of her own, so after lunch on Saturday, they took her over to this store. Celia picked a little girl with light reddish brown hair and brown eyes right away. And when asked what to name her, she chose the name "Alligator Seth". My mom convinced her to change the name to "Ally", which I'm glad of. She also promised not to tell me what she wanted to name the baby (yeah, right). At any rate, she has a birth certificate, left the store with pink bracelets around their wrists with names, a reminder slip for her 8 week "appointment for a check-up", and a baby bottle. It was adorable. Celia had carried her around everywhere, and absolutely loves it. What a fun concept. As an interesting aside, my mom told my step brother (who has 2 younger brothers and 1 older brother) what Celia had originally picked for the name, and he laughed and said that he "completely understood".

Of course, that's all I can remember at the moment. I'll post the others later.

way too fast

2008-08-21T11:27:00.002-04:00

In the last 2 days, we've had 2 pretty huge steps in Seth's development. First, he's thinking about crawling. He kind of scoots around a little, in order to get where he wants to be. Not quite crawling, but if a toy is on the floor a few feet away that he wants, he somehow makes it there. Yesterday it was a book. He moved about 3 feet to get it. And he started off facing the opposite direction. Needless to say, he'll be moving quickly. Which means the hubby doesn't have much time left to get the carpet pulled up down stairs and replaced before I go ahead and have it done by a flooring company.

Then, there's the sounds. He's been saying "Aaaah" for about 2 months or so...maybe longer. And "Gaaaa". But in the last 2 days, he's added L sounds, M sounds and D sounds to his vocabulary. And sometimes he puts them all together to sound more like "alooaaa" or "gooloo" or "maallaaah". It's really funny to listen to him babble away. I love it!!

Celia also started Pre-K this week. Tuesday was her first day (she missed monday from being sick), and she's loving it! She came home saying how much she loved her new classroom. I was so glad to hear it, considering she really loved her last teacher. By some crazy miracle, she's also managed to stay dry the last few days. No idea why, but I'll take it!!

I've noticed a lot of disappointment when Seth hits these new milestones. I love them, don't get me wrong. And I'm so proud of him. BUT, I am really going to miss his infancy. He's my last baby. I am trying to really treasure all of the moments we have together, and just savor the cuteness. And every new milestone makes another step towards him growing up. While it's fun to see him do new things, I'm really going to miss having an infant in the house. Even when he wakes up at 4 and won't fall asleep until 5:30, only to be woken by Celia 45 minutes later. Yeah, we had a not so fun night last night.

On the plus side, tomorrow afternoon, we leave for Hershey!! My SIL has lived in Harrisburg for 5 years now, and we're finally going to go to Hershey! Celia is so excited, as am I. I went there for a band trip in 10th grade, but that was my only time up there. This should be a lot of fun. I am looking forward to riding some coasters, seeing Celia enjoy the rides she's big enough for, and eating some massive amounts of chocolate. Oh yeah!!!

Learning experience

2008-08-18T20:32:00.003-04:00

My aunt's funeral was quite the learning experience. I hadn't been to a Jewish funeral since my uncle JuJu died when I was 13, and I hardly remember anything from that. Most of the service was in hebrew, which I don't understand at all. The problem with stopping hebrew school when you hit age 10 is that you don't learn much of anything. I felt a bit stupid, but got over it pretty quickly. Thankfully the cantor did explain a lot to us (like the fact that we did stop in the procession 7 times), and then we had the opportunity to participate in the actual burial. The shovel was in the mound of dirt, and we had to do it twice, once with the shovel upside down (so you get little dirt- showing hesitance), and then once the right way. After the funeral on Friday, there was a brunch- which was alcohol free- a first for the Jay family. In the evening, we went over to my cousins house (her mom is the one who passed), and had a huge dinner. We lit a candle that will burn for 7 days, did shots of scotch, and then continued to eat and drink heavily for the remainder of the evening.

I did get to spend a lot of time with my dad, grandmother, cousins, and aunt/uncles. My brother and I spend tons of time together too, which was awesome because we've always had an odd relationship. He even took me out for a drink one afternoon while my mom watched the kids. It was really great to just sit and chat. He and my dad haven't spoken since my wedding (over 6 years ago), and he actually spent a good amount of time with all of us as well. Everyone was really great.

It was all heartbreaking though. Seeing my cousin, her dad, and my grandmother filled with grief. Relieved that my aunt isn't suffering anymore, but missing her. I cannot imagine how hard it is to have to bury your child/mother/spouse. I hope I don't have to do any of those ever (or at the very least for a very long time).

Here's a picture of my aunt that was taken last January when we went to Las Vegas. From left to right, we have Ari, Hope, Lauren, my Aunt Debbie, Melissa and me. What a fun trip, and I'm now even more glad that I was able to go. All I have now are fantastic memories of the time we all spent as family, both then, and when I was younger. I'll never forget sitting on the toilet, watching her put her makeup on in the mornings while she got ready. And the times I flew down to Florida when I was on spring break to visit her. The shopping we did together, the great meals we shared. How she got me hooked on scotch sours as an 18 year old at my cousin Melissa's wedding. And how, even when she was very ill, she still managed to send me a birthday card this year, and a gift for Seth when he was born. I'll miss her.

And I'm back

2008-08-17T20:37:00.002-04:00

I'll post more when I'm more coherent, but the kids and I are back from Buffalo, safe and sound. I am so glad I was able to go. It was hard, sad, and a long 5 days, but so worth it.

And I will never drive 2 kids myself on an 8 hour trip again. I was tired.

death.

2008-08-11T11:43:00.004-04:00

Death SUCKS. My aunt Debbie, who has been battling cancer for over 11 years, passed away last night. She's in a much better place, with no more pain and suffering. I'm really going to miss her. I love you Aunt Debbie.

not herself

2008-08-09T19:32:00.003-04:00

Well, after 2 days home, she's still not herself. I have to force her to eat, and she's basically taking up house in the newly-remodeled bathroom, where she's not able to pee all over the house. Her first evening, she peed all over our bed, and the following morning all over Celia's closet and Winnie the Pooh chair. The vet said to put her in one room (bathroom) where she can't ruin anything, and see how a few days of fluids and force feeding goes. She was not happy to hear that she wouldn't eat on her own. I have to take the gerber baby chicken food, and force her mouth open to get her to lick it off.

I am afraid to admit that it is likely the end for my Zoey. If her blood levels aren't doing any better this week, and she's not more herself, we are going to let her go. I will be there with her, and be able to hug and kiss her as she goes to sleep for the last time. I'm devastated and heartbroken.

she's home...

2008-08-07T21:40:00.002-04:00

I picked Zoey up tonight, and had a nice chat with the vet. Apparently, after I spoke with her on Tuesday (she was off yesterday and another vet covered her cases), Zoey was doing pretty well. She was perkier, happier, and eating. Wednesday was a different story. It was not great. Her hematocrit levels were low, and are even lower today. She's not eating well again. And, she's been pretty tired. Needless to say, the vet said that she's likely been going down hill for a long time, and we just didn't notice it. I feel horrible for not being proactive when I noticed she was drinking more. And losing weight. It breaks my heart that we could have gotten it earlier, and given her a chance at a longer life. Now, the vet said she's got less than 25% kidney function, which means she has chronic renal failure. That with her anemia, and her loss of appetite, that it's really not a good sign. That maybe we have a few months. I specifically asked if we were talking weeks, months or years, and she said maybe months. I'm going to enjoy every single day I have with her. She's my first baby, and she needs me. I really hope she turns around, and that all the meds help (between the subQ fluids, an appetite stimulant, pep.cid, a supplement paste, something for her anemia, and two other drugs that I can't remember the name of). She's got a little pharmacy.

At least my IVF experience is coming into use. I've got one subQ shot (the one for her hematocrit/anemia), and the subQ fluids that involve needles. They showed me how to do them, and I was able to do her subQ fluids for today. I just went for it, and was comfortable doing it. I then said that I'd had some experience with needles (with IVF), so I know the drill. She asked if I wanted to practice the subQ shot (with an insulin needle), and I said there was no need. Why torture her any more?

Of course, poor kitty peed herself in the cat carrier on the way home. So Nathan had to give her a bath. She really hated that, and has been mad at us all night. Hard to tell if it was her being mad, or just feeling lousy. At least she did eat a tiny bit- it was baby food chicken with one of her drugs mixed into it. I just wish she was herself again. I have a feeling we wont' ever see "Zoey" again like that. Breaks my heart.

Good news and bad news.

2008-08-06T09:21:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I spoke with the vet on the phone, and she said that Zoey was doing much better! She was spunky, eating, and even managed to tear out her IV/catheter. Which is a really good sign that she is feeling better. So I picked Celia up a little early and we went to visit her (the vet said I could if I wanted to, and I asked if it was OK to bring Celia). She looked OK, definitely a bit scared, and not quite herself still, but doing much better. We stayed about 20 minutes, and then we went to get the baby (nice to have the vet RIGHT next door to our day care...we were able to just walk). We knew they would be retesting her levels today, so I expected the vet to call this afternoon.

Well, this morning just after I got out of the shower and was getting dressed the phone rang. I guess they tested her this morning, instead of later, to see how she was since her behavior has been so much better, and she was even rolling over to be petted. Well, her BUN level went from 83 to 87, which is really not good (normal is 10-30). The Createnine went from 8.6 to 7.6 (they want this below 2.4), which is at least in the right direction. And the Phospherous did drop from 10.6 to 6.1 (they want it between 3.4 and 5.8), so again in the right direction. So, they really want to see the Createnine a bit lower, and the BUN level to go down, instead of up. They gave us the option of taking her home today, or leaving her one more day to see if the extra day of fluids helps. I'm crossing everything imaginable that it does help more. She did mention that we'll be doing the SubQ injections 3 times a week, and that when I pick Zoey up, they'll show me how to do it by giving her her first dose.

So it's good, that her mood is up, she's eating, and even a little playful. Not good that her BUN level went up. I have no clue what to think. And I'm so worried about her. But at least things are sort of moving in the right direction, so I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic, which is really hard for me. I tend to prepare for the worst, and am happy with the best, instead of expect the best and prepare for the worst.

One other good thing is that when I am worried about something, I need to keep my hands and mind busy. So I started cleaning our office last night. Again. I started a few months back when I was pregnant, and didn't get very far. But now, I can actually SEE my desk!! Not completely, but there's definitely a good bit of desk space that has been uncovered, and a huge trash bag to show for it.

Not a good month.

2008-08-05T10:28:00.002-04:00

Seriously. This is the worst month ever. Between Celia and Seth needing to go to the docs, Nathan's job uncertainty, and now this. I think I may need to run away from home.

When Seth was born, my MIL was down to help. She noticed that one of our cats (Zoey) had been drinking a lot, and we should keep an eye on her. Well, over the last few months, she has been drinking more. And peeing more. And she's lost weight. And yesterday morning, I noticed that she walked away from her food bowl, with about half left. So I called the vet in the afternoon and made an appointment for last night. I assumed that she was likely diabetic. Her weight was up before (nearly 13 pounds), and with the thirst issues, it made sense. So we get her checked out, and they recommend lots of bloodwork, Xrays, and a urine-analysis. They take Zoey back and leave me to wait while they do the tests. After what seemed like forever (which was probably only a half hour), they brought her back and the vet came in a few mins later. With really bad news. Apparently, she has kidney failure. Her kidneys have been failing for a while, and she's not doing well. She's lost 4 pounds (and is now only 8.6 pounds), her kindey enzyme levels are like 4 times what they should be. And she's very anemic. The Xrays showed a few random things, but nothing that is causing the kidney issues (she does have a kidney stone and her hips are really bad). The main problem right now is the kidney failure. So they wanted to keep her for 2-3 days and give her tons of IV fluids to get her hydrated, give her a special renal diet and get her eating again, and watch her other levels (anemia). We'll see how she does. The thing they did say is that it's really about making her live as long as possible and maintaining her kidney function. This will involve daily injections of SubQ fluids, as well as some medications. My poor kitty. I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but she's my favorite cat. When we got her 6 years ago (she's only 6!!), I instantly fell in love and she had to come home with me. I love this cat like crazy. Her sister Trinity (we got them at the same time, but they're from different litters) is lost without her.

So please, if you could send some good thoughts, prayers, vibes my Zoey's way, I'd really appreciate it. I know she's just a cat, but she's my first baby. I really hope she responds to the fluids. Though they did say that we should prepare for the possibility that she may not. I really, really, really want my Zoey to be able to come home.

answers

2008-08-01T12:44:00.002-04:00

Well, it looks like Celia has an undeveloped bladder. After asking about a million questions, they came up with the diagnosis. It is a relief, because it means that it really isn't her fault. That she's not doing it on purpose. That she can't help it. It's a huge relief. We're supposed to not put any pressure on her, because it won't help at all. And hopefully in the next year or so, she should outgrow it. Or at least we hope she will. If, come next summer, she's still having accidents, we can start some medications that will help her. But for now, the only thing we really can do is wait it out. And give her a fiber supplement every day so that she does poop daily. The Dr seemed confident that it will at least help a little if one end of her is cleared out, then she can feel the necessary sensation more. Or something like that. After her appointment, I took her to lunch at Mickey D's, and took her to school.

It's definitely been a stressful week between the pulmonologist appointment, Celia's appointment, work, and my husband's job stuff. I sooo am looking forward to this weekend, and I plan to have some nice, big mojitos tonight. And some wine. Because my friend K (who I know from grad school), moved here a bit ago, and she just took the bar exam this week. She's coming over for some dinner, drinks, and relaxation. I can't wait.

urologist

2008-07-31T21:02:00.002-04:00

When I picked Celia up yesterday, her teacher told me that she had 2 accidents yesterday while at school. Then she had a few more at home. So, I finally have had enough, and I called in the big guns. I called our pediatricians office, and Dr M called me back. She's fantastic, listened to my concerns, frustrations, and she really congratulated me on trying everything possible. Then she mentioned that it is really worth having her seen by a urologist to make sure there aren't any other underlying issues going on. She said that Childrens has an office in Rockville, and that they have a group there that deals specifically with all issues of the urogenital tract. And we'll find out if we're dealing with a physical or behavioral issue, and we can then treat it. Apparently they have great support, and a great program. So they called and scheduled an appointment for me, tomorrow at 9:30 with one of the pediatric urologists over there. I was impressed with how fast they got us in! When I picked Celia up from day care, I told her teacher what I did, and she was glad. I really hope we'll come up with something that works. We have really tried EVERYTHING I can think of, and nothing has worked so far.

Just great.

2008-07-30T14:04:00.003-04:00

And it was signed today. The next few months are not going to be fun.

peaches

2008-07-29T10:22:00.002-04:00

Whenever I think about peaches, the song Peaches by the Presidents of the USA. This weekend, we went peach picking, and had a blast! SO many peaches came home with us. And my kitchen smells amazing. It will smell even better after I can or freeze some. Just so yummy!

The highlight of my peach-picking trip was not the actual peach picking (or the aftermath, which involved my arms, neck and chest itching like crazy). It was the drive to the farm. On the way, both Seth and Celia were awake in the back (a miracle because the minute the car gets going, Seth usually falls asleep). So she decided to play "peek-a-boo" with him. And he started laughing. They played the entire way to the farm, and he just kept on laughing. He loves his big sister already, and it's just too cute. And she loves him too. I had tears running down my cheeks as I was driving, and I said something like "this is why I wanted to have 2 kids so badly- they're just so cute!". Then later in the evening, she also played peek-a-boo again with him. And he laughed like crazy. And I tried to play, and he just looked at me like I was nuts. It's Celia's special game to play with him, and he loves it. It was great. I even managed to get a little bit on video, which I'll have to post one of these days if I can ever figure out how.

Upper GI

2008-07-28T21:09:00.002-04:00

Seth had his upper-GI today, as well as a airway fluoroscopy. It was really cool to watch, really saw his airway going as he cried, and his lungs working. Then there was the GI part, when they gave him the barium in a bottle. It was incredible to really be able to see him sucking, swallowing, and watch the "food" go down into his belly. Basically there were no surprises at all. He does reflux a bit, but it doesn't go into his airway, which is good. He does have a bit of an issue with sucking, and he tends to aspirate a little into his nasal passageway, but nothing major. This we also knew, because he does spit up out of his nose. After the radiologist appt, we came home for a bit and then saw the pediatric pulmonologist again. Again, he was great. He basically went over what the results were, and what they really meant. Basically as far as his breathing goes, the refluxing is probably not the cause. He doesn't aspirate into his lungs, which is really good news. And he's been refluxing all along, and has only recently been wheezing. The reason he's aspirating a little into his nasal passageway is because of the way he sucks. He needs a little help getting that down right. The plan for this is to thicken his bottles with rice cereal. For each ounce, we use a teaspoon of rice cereal in his bottles, which will help with both the sucking/swallowing issue and his reflux. He goes back in a month to check his breathing. He was definitely wheezing a little as we were sitting there, and the doc listened to his lungs again, and agreed with me on the wheeze. It's thankfully not upsetting him much, which is the best case scenario. And as far as the cats go, for now we don't need to worry. But if he's not getting better after a month or two, we can worry about possibly testing him for allergens by blood draw and see if that gives us any answers. But apparently with babies, allergy testing isn't really very accurate. In the end, he believes that Seth has asthma. Whether it's here for the long run, or will disappear on it's own over the next few months, we don't know. It's a wait and see kind of thing. But he does still get to take his pul.micort every day for now.

only time will tell

2008-07-24T09:09:00.003-04:00

Thankfully we should know pretty quickly what's going on with my husband's job. He works for a down-pay.ment ass.istance organization, as a software engineer, so it's not like there will be many out there looking for few jobs. He should be able to find something relatively quickly when the time comes. It just depends on how long they have, how much they have in reserves to keep paying them while they figure out what else they can do to bring money in, and lots of other things i don't know anything about. At any event, there's nothing we can do. And the bill passed in the Ho.use yesterday, so it's on it's way to being put in place. Hopefully Nathan's work will have a meeting today letting everyone know what's really going on. I hope. At least it will be quick, and everything should be set by the time the aug. break happens. Probably.

Of course, I'm a little bummed because IF the housing market wasn't in such bad shape right now, we could sell our house and move back to Buffalo...but since it's a mess, we can't afford to do it. And because the market is such a mess, they're working hard to get this bill into effect. Before, I was hoping that it would happen sooner, so we could make the move. Now it's later, and the market is a mess, and we can't afford to lose out on all of our equity if we were to sell today. Gotta love how things work sometimes.

Fucking shit.

2008-07-23T15:15:00.001-04:00

This is bad. Good for some, but VERY bad for my husband. When this passes, his company will be shut down. What the hell are we going to do?

home

2008-07-21T13:18:00.002-04:00

Well, we're back. The beach was wonderful! Great weather, lots of fun, nice and warm, and the ocean was perfect. Celia had an absolute blast! I've never seen her have so much fun. And Seth seemed to not mind the heat too much. We thankfully had a tent for the beach that we kept him under most of the time. He took a few naps under it, and went into the ocean a little. Celia loved the ocean too, but was afraid of it. She'd only go in with me or Nathan, and be holding on for her life. But she'd do cartwheels up on the sand where the water came up just a tiny bit. Splashing away. We got some "family" time with just the 4 of us, and spent a little time at the boardwalk. There is a cool sign store on the Boardwalk that makes carved signs. So we got one for each kid, and one for the house. I'll post pics later- I'm really excited about the "family" sign. That was our big souvineer.

Got back around 4:30 yesterday. It took us exactly 3 and a half hours, with a little traffic, but nothing too terrible. Overall it was a great trip, and we'll be going back for sure next year. Only then it will be for a whole week, and will stay in a condo or something.

the beach

2008-07-17T09:01:00.002-04:00

We're in Ocean City for the rest of the week/weekend, and it's beautiful! We're in a nice hotel, a block from the beach, and 30-40 minutes from my in-laws at Assateague, where they're camping at the MD state park. We'll be heading over to them at the beach shortly, which Celia is over the moon about. She LOVES the beach and the ocean.

And I'm relaxing. Life is good!

And the verdict appears to be...

2008-07-14T14:11:00.003-04:00

Infant asthma. Most likely. We have a upper GI scheduled in 2 weeks, to rule out reflux or other issues. But the Doc we saw was fantastic. He spent a good 20 minutes in the room with us, asking me tons of questions, and listening to my guy. He was thrilled to hear that the wheezing seems to be worrying me and Dr D more than it's upsetting Seth. Apparently that is very good news. So we're to continue the predni.sone until tomorrow (the full 5 day course), and then just use pulm.icort through the nebulizer once a day from now until we see him again (immediately following the upper GI). And see how things are going.

As far as the cats go, he said we'll see how Seth does over the next week. Since we're going away, and won't be around the cats, it would be a good test to see if they are bothering him. But that it may very well be the root of the problem, and we'll talk about that at our next visit. He seemed great. And didn't dismiss any of my concerns, though did make a point of telling me that he'd been practicing for 22 years, and that he'd seen it all. And that I have a very happy and healthy little boy, minus a bit of wheezing. I feel so much better "knowing" what the problem is, and having a plan of how to fix it. Or at least live with it.

Here's my question to you all: Do you have any experience with infant asthma?? Any advice would be great.

fast!

2008-07-14T10:39:00.002-04:00

Have I mentioned how much I love Dr. D?? He's amazing (and I'm not just saying that because I have a school-girl crush on him). He got us in to see one of the best Pediatric Pulmonologists in the area! Today at 12:15!! Better get some serious work done in the next 45 minutes!

update

2008-07-14T09:28:00.002-04:00

Well, he's absolutely still wheezing. And since we head to the beach on Wednesday morning, I called this morning to see what Dr D would like us to do. He's setting up an appointment with a Pulmonologist as soon as he can get us in, so hopefully next week after we get back. I doubt it will be before we leave. He'll call me back and let me know when the appointment is, and then I'll find out what he'd like us to do with Seth while on our vacation. Continue with meds that aren't helping? Try something else? Who knows. I just want him to breathe easily, and not work for it.

not sure...

2008-07-12T13:42:00.002-04:00

I really can't tell if the Predn.isone is helping or not. Sometimes I think yes, absolutely. And others, I hear him wheezing away and wonder if anything will help. I guess I have a few more days to wait it out...but at the same time I need to figure out what to do by Wednesday, because we're off for vacation for 5 days (yeah Ocean City!). I will do whatever I have to. I have everything crossed that it makes a big difference fast. At least Dr D will not make him suffer forever and the next step is seeing a specialist. I really love Dr. D, and their whole practice. Nothing like loving the doctors who have your kids lives in their hands.

Last night was fun. Damascus had their parade, so we went to that and saw fireworks. Before the parade, we went to my friend L's place, and had pizza and let the kids run wild for a bit. There were a few other kids there too. They were all outside playing, and the adults were inside. B, my friend's daughter, came in pouty about not wanting to play outside. A few minutes later, Nathan went outside to check on them, and one kid (someone I'd never met before) has Celia in a toddler swing, and is spinning her around and around, while she was screaming for her to stop. This kid was at least 5, and NOT listening at all. My husband ran over there, and got Celia out of the swing. Of course she's screaming and balling, and he looks at her and her neck has a huge brush burn on it. Apparently she got caught on the chain, and when the girl was twisting her in the swing, it hurt her- thus the screaming to stop. I took her inside and got her cleaned up, and changed (she had peed her self- though this time I completely understood). And I had no clue what really happened because I didn't see it...but the other mom was talking to her daughter about what had happened. Thankfully my friend L yelled at the kid a bit, because her mom wasn't at all. I didn't realize how much Celia got hurt until I changed her- she not only has a huge brushburn on her neck, she's got one on her shoulder, and a chunk of hair got pulled out (right from the swirl on the back of her head). Poor thing, I would have been way more upset than she was. Thankfully she's fine. I just feel horrible.

Phew.

2008-07-11T22:45:00.000-04:00

All is clear. The chest Xray was completely clear. I'm sooo relieved!! Dr D put him on Pred.nisone now for 5 days, twice a day. IF this doesn't help, we get to see a "lung doctor" to see what else could be going on. But he really expects that the new drug will make a difference. I'm really hoping. My poor guy has been poked and prodded enough already!

what's worse than the 2ww??

2008-07-11T15:00:00.002-04:00

Waiting 4 hours between having your 4 1/2 month old's chest Xray and finding out the results. I'm going out of my mind with worry! Monday when we saw Dr D (who I love!), he said to call him friday and let him know how Seth's breathing has been. If it's getting better, then we're good to go, if not, then we need to figure out what to do next. So I call this morning, and update the nurse, who says she'll let Dr. D know, and that he'll call me back. At 11, my phone rings, and we chat for a few minutes. He decides that the next thing to do is to send Seth for a chest Xray, and that he's faxing the order over immediately and that he'll see us at 4:30 to go over the results. He said that he's definitely concerned that Seth is still wheezing, after 3-4 weeks. And that the meds are only slightly helping. Please let my little boy be OK. Please.

One year later...

2008-07-10T16:37:00.003-04:00

I can't believe that one year ago, I had my transfer. Two tiny embryos were transferred, one of which is now my son. It blows my mind every time I look at him, hold him, hear him breathe, cry, or laugh. I was starting to believe that maybe my SIL was right...that maybe I shouldn't have any more kids. Maybe I was a horrible mother and I didn't deserve to have any more children. But I knew in my heart that I was a great mother, and that my daughter was a happy kid. And that I wanted to at least try to do everything I could to give her a sibling. It was such a hard choice to go ahead and do IVF. I had said, less than a year before, that if IUIs didn't work, that I didn't want to go down that road. That if it wasn't working, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Until the insurance company denied our IUIs, and we had no other options. If I didn't at least try, I'd regret it forever. If I didn't at least try, I'd never forgive myself. So, try we did. And we were successful. It still shocks and amazes me.

I remember sitting in my house, after my transfer, on bed rest. Wondering what was going to happen next. Wondering if it would work, or how many more times I could go through it IVF if it didn't. Unsure of what I'd do if it didn't work. Unsure of how it would be if it did. Every night when my husband did the PIO shots, I hoped that it would help things work. At my friend's wedding, I was matron of honor, and it was in a catholic church. I am Jewish, but for some reason I felt compelled to just sit there and pray. Prayed that these babies or baby held on. Prayed that I would come out of this a stronger person. Prayed that I'd have a baby in my arms by this time next year. Prayed that I'd be OK if I didn't. I had never done that before. After the wedding, we went on our vacation, and a few days in, I took my first of several HPTs that came up with two lines. I still remember the feeling when I POAS, set it down, looked at it and thought it was negative. Put picked it up and looked at it in the light and there it was, clear as day...a second line. I remember telling my mom, and having her tell me that it was too early to know for sure...that she hoped it was real, but if it wasn't that she'd be there.

This past year has been both the worst and best of my life. IVF was horrible. And I only had to do it once. I don't know that I could have done it more than once. It took it's toll on me, my husband, and our marriage. It changed me forever. Yet I am so grateful to have my son, and know it never would have been possible without IVF. How something so awful can bring such joy in the end, I'll never fully comprehend.

Now, I sit here. My son is sick and he's sleeping on the sofa. I look at him every few minutes and see him sleeping peacefully. I use his neb, rock him and sing to him while he cries, and do everything I can to make him feel better. Because I'm his mom, and that's my job. I had always wondered if I could ever love another human being as much as I love my daughter. Celia is my pride and joy. And now, that Seth is here, I know the answer to that is absolutely yes. I love my son so much more than I ever thought possible. In such a different way than I love my daughter. They both hold my heart in their hands, and my life would not be the same without either one of them. I am so incredibly lucky to have them, and I look forward to the next years. And every year, around my birthday, I'll remember the day that my son was transferred, and decided to make himself a home.

still sick

2008-07-08T12:36:00.003-04:00

This has not been a fun week! Seth has still been wheezing a lot, and we've been using the albuter.ol non-stop without much relief. We went in for his 4 month appointment (a little late, oops) yesterday. He's growing well, but is still laboring to breathe. So the vaccines got put off to next week. The Dr asked if the neb was helping, to which I said not really. Then, he decided to add another medication to the neb, called Pulmi.cort (I think...I don't have it in front of me). This med seems to really be helping.

However, he took a nap yesterday afternoon and woke up with a fever of 102. So Nathan stayed home with him, and I called to see what we should do. The Dr we saw yesterday is in a different office on Tues, so they saw another doc, who said he's likely got a virus (probably Roseola), and we have to wait it out. At least his lungs were clear, as well as his ears. Since he's on antibiotics, it's likely viral. Gotta love day care. Tomorrow I'll be home with him, and we'll see from there. Poor baby. He didn't sleep well last night (which means I didn't sleep much last night either). And his temp was up to 101.5 at the office. I really feel awful when he's sick. It just breaks my heart.

better?

2008-07-02T22:04:00.003-04:00

I think Seth is doing better. At least his mood is better, and he's sleeping better, so I call that a win! He went back to day care today, since they're able to use the nebulizer for him. He got one treatment while at day care today, and another when we got him home. Of course he passed out before I could do one more before bed, so my husband will have to do it in the middle of the night when he wakes up. Poor baby is still wheezing like crazy. And it's hard to know when to worry. When he gets upset or cranky, he wheezes more. But then again, sitting in his swing or bouncer, or on his mat, he still wheezes even when he's playing quietly. Even an hour after the al.buterol, he's still wheezing. His Pediatrician said to call if it got worse...but what is worse? It's really about what it has been for at least a week and a half to two weeks now. Maybe I'll call tomorrow. Though he does have an appointment on monday, so maybe I'll just wait. I hate this! I am always worried about wasting the Drs time. I know it's silly, but I really do worry about that.

Work has been crazy. The last few nights I've been up til at least 10 working. But since I stayed home monday and tuesday, I did have work to make up, and make sure I didn't have to take any actual time off. Especially because if I do take time off, I will be a few hours short on time for our mini-vacation at the beach in 2 weeks. 5 days at the beach, and I can't wait! I so need the break! And, its' a long weekend this weekend, so I'm really excited! I'm hoping to finally prime and paint the bathroom, so I can post pics of our new bathroom!

Celia has hit a milestone- 2 days in a row dry!!! I'm over the moon with excitement, and am really hoping that she's starting to come around. My fingers are crossed. That's 4 days in the last 2 weeks! This is the best she's done in nearly 5 months.

I need sleep...I'm exhausted. I've been working on this post about how it feels to be 1 year past transfer, but it's emotionally draining, so it's taking me some time. Hopefully this weekend I'll find a block of time and just hammer it out.

sick.

2008-07-01T12:21:00.003-04:00

Seth is sick. Sunday night, I should have figured out that something was going on when around 10PM, he was still awake. And cranky. My usually very content baby was irritable. So Monday morning when he woke up and felt warm, I knew why he was cranky the night before. While he was warm, his temp wasn't too high, so I figured I'd keep him home and monitor him to see how he was doing. No sense in taking him to day care, only to have them call me an hour later to pick him up. So I took a shower and went back and forth on whether to take him to the doc. Then I remembered a skype chat I had had with Nathan last week, where I told him that I was mildly concerned about Seth's breathing. He had been congested for a few weeks, and almost sounded like he was wheezing. But of course, with work, and other things, I didn't hear it again, so I never took him. After I showered I asked Nathan what he thought, and said that if I was keeping him home, there was no harm in getting him checked out. So I did. And I am SO glad that I did.

Apparently, Seth has an ear infection in his left ear. Which the Dr had to clean out because it was too waxy to even see in there. Definitely infected. And as he's examining him, he's asking me "how long has he been breathing like this?", to which I say probably for about a week or so...maybe longer, but not consistently. Yeah, he's definitely wheezing. A lot. And you can see him working to breathe in his abdomen. So he set us up with a nebulizer in the office, gave him a dose of al.buterol, and then listened again. Thankfully the wheezing had gotten better, so he sent us home with a script for antibiotics for the ear and al.buterol for the neb (which we already have one of from Celia's bouts with croup). So far his mood has been a bit better at times, a bit worse at times. And his breathing is still not great. In fact, I'm off to use the neb again. At least I now know that he weighs 15.8 pounds. When did that happen?! And we go back next monday for his 4 month check up (yeah...a little late, kind of forgot to call until right before his 4 month birthday), and to talk about his breathing. Probably get him tested and stuff. Poor baby.

the day after

2008-06-26T09:25:00.002-04:00

Thanks for all of the birthday wishes! I had a wonderful day! Work was...work. But I picked the kids up, made some dinner (some italian sausage taken out of the casings and browned, added my favorite sauce, and pasta), had ice cream cake, and went to my Tea party. I had a blast, ordered some more tea (I heart tea!!), and signed up to have another tea party in the fall. Let me know if you are interested in coming! They are SO much fun!

On the down side, I woke up this morning with a UTI. SO not happy about this. Thanks for the wonderful birthday present! Oh well, at least it's early on, so I'm not in agony (yet). And I was able to get an appointment for this afternoon. Bah humbug.

32

2008-06-25T08:45:00.002-04:00

Wow, I haven't posted in over a week! How did that happen?

Today is my 32nd birthday. I don't really feel any older, and am very glad that this past year is over. 31 was quite a challenge in many ways, but it has it's good moments too. I will have a whole post in the next day or so about the fact that exactly 1 year ago, I was waiting to hear about how my embryos were growing. And tomorrow is the 1 year "anniversary" of when I had Seth and his sibling transferred. But today I'm not thinking about that. Because today is my birthday! And it's a good day to celebrate!

This morning, I woke up to Seth at 5:30. His daddy went and got him (thank you!) and brought him into bed. After a diaper change (clearly stinky, and the reason why he woke up), he curled up in my arms, with my lips against his head, and he dozed off. The second I rolled away to get more comfortable, he started to stir, so I just held him, breathing him in, for another hour or so. I love that when he's fussy, all I have to do is put him on the bed with me, put an arm around him and put my face next to his, and he calms down almost immediately. He loves his mommy, and his mommy is in love with him.

Celia came to join the party around 7, and jumped on me to give me my birthday card. Now there's a story about this...Celia has been into secrets lately. At dinner last night, she whispered in my ear that she helped her daddy make my card (write it out), and it had a doggy on it. She told me it was a secret, and not to tell her daddy that she told me. I laughed, and pretended I didn't hear it. This morning, she hands me the envelope, and says that it's my doggy card, and reminds me that she told me about it last night and that it was still a secret. She's too sweet. She then mentioned that she was excited to have my birthday cake, to which I told her that we were waiting for cake until Friday. Since my and Nathan's birthdays are 4 days apart, we figured we'd do one cake Friday instead of 2 separate cakes. She was so upset by this, that she started crying and saying how you have to have birthday cake on your birthday! She didn't understand that we wanted to wait and combine our birthdays. So I'll be picking up an ice cream cake tonight on my way home. We'll have some tonight, and some on Sunday, for Nathan's birthday.

My present was awesome! I've been eagerly awaiting the release of the new Guitar Hero- Aerosmith game, which comes out on Sunday. So my darling husband got me a gift certificate to TRU for the game. He's so cute too, because he wrote the card out to: Our Guitar Hero, From your adoring fans, for One chance to play (or something like that). He made me smile, that's for sure! And I just saw that the full set list was released, and now I really can't wait to get my hands on the game!

Tonight, I even get a bit of a break after dinner! I had a Tea party back in January. And every year, the consultant has a "hostess appreciation" tea, where she thanks all of her hostesses for having parties. So I get to go, and have a nice evening with adults while Nathan gets the kids in bed. I'm really looking forward to it!

water

2008-06-16T13:51:00.002-04:00

Apparently there was a huge water main break in my county today, affecting my house, office, and my kids day care. I got into work and was relieved when my hubby logged into skype, because it meant he made it into work (or that day care was open). I did, however, get a phone call at noon, saying that day care was closing at 1, and that until the water situation is safe, they will remain closed. So now I get to wait and see what happens, and will find out tomorrow morning when we call to see if they're open or not. While it's not an ideal situation, and timing isn't great (lots of stuff to do at work), at least I do get to spend a little extra time with the kids. As I type, Seth is asleep on the couch next to me, and Celia is watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. I forgot how great that show is! I haven't seen it in YEARS, and Celia loves it as much as I did when I was little. And it's not nearly as obnoxious as Dora.

Oh my!

2008-06-13T14:50:00.002-04:00

I came home a bit early so I could take Celia to a summer festival they're having at her preschool, and I happened to stop home first since I was early. I had to stop at target first to get swimmy diapers for the baby so we can go to the pool party today too. Anyways, I stopped home so I could go to the bathroom, and get a little work done before the festival starts. I just got off the phone with my GPs office. And guess what? She's announced today that she's leaving the practice AND retiring from medicine!! I happen to LOVE this doctor, so I'm NOT happy about this at all. I suppose it's good for her, she has 2 kids and will be able to actually spend time with them (yes, I'm jealous!). But sucky for me. I had to reschedule my appointment with her in August with another doc in the group. Really a huge bummer. I hate it when you find a doc that you click with and they decide to retire. Mind you, she's young. Wonder what happened here.

almost friday

2008-06-12T21:23:00.003-04:00

Thank goodness the weekend is almost here! This has been one of the longest weeks I've had in a long time. I can't wait to relax, get some sleep, and be with my kids this weekend.

Tuesday was a BAD day. It started off OK enough. Got up, showered (while listening to Cake, got into work, and got my day started. Then about an hour later, I felt like I had hit a brick wall. I wasn't sick, just really down. Out of nowhere. I just sat there, in my cube, shocked at how horrible I felt all of a sudden. I managed to get through the rest of the day, and actually be productive. But that pit in stomach, heavy hearted feeling just kept getting worse. I picked the kids up, made dinner, and then sat on the sofa for the rest of the night. I think there was TV on, and maybe I played some Guitar Hero, but I really don't remember. I was not in a good place at all. I just felt like I'd never be able to climb out of it. I did talk with Nathan a little about how I was feeling, and how frustrating it is. But it didn't really help. Thankfully, I woke up the next morning, feeling much better. Not perfect, and still a bit anxious and down. But better. Today, I was fine. I'm really hoping that the increased dose of meds helped balance me out, and that it was just a jolt to my system when I took the extra. I have no idea.

In an effort to do something for myself, I went to a knitting group last night that I hooked up with on Ravelry. It was a great group of women, and I had a really nice time. I did leave a little early though, because I felt guilty leaving Nathan alone with the kids for the extra time on a work night. Next time I'll stay longer.

At least today I'm feeling a lot better. Just really tired, because Seth had me up at 2 last night, and I couldn't fall asleep again until 4. Makes sleeping a full night hard. Hopefully tonight he'll let me.

too cute

2008-06-10T09:58:00.002-04:00

I took this last week, and posted it on my Knitting blog, but just realized I didn't post it here! Here's my guy- he's been such a happy boy lately! We had a 20 minute conversation this morning, all in goos and gaas and agaas, it was SO cute!

Notice the shirt- I got this from Mel's Cafepress store. My guy is a work of ART for sure! I have gotten SO many compliments on it- great design Mel!

hot!!

2008-06-09T20:04:00.002-04:00

My god it's been hot in DC! I walked out of work this afternoon and had an instant head ache. Not fun!

Had my appointment with my GP this morning, and we've doubled my dose of Lex.apro. I'm hoping it helps. Really hoping. Thankfully it should. I go back in 2 months to see how I'm doing. It was interesting though, because we also went over the bloodwork that I had done last week. Most of it was pretty good, and there weren't really any surprises. I'm still a bit anemic, my cholesterol/triglycerides are a little high, but not alarmingly so. And my fasting blood sugar was high. Not diabetic levels, but high. She said to get some exercise, and then before my next appointment we'll get another blood draw done (for the Hemoglobin A1C), to see how that looks. Then we'll decide how to proceed. She said focus on getting exercise, and not to worry as much about losing weight yet. That one thing at a time is better, and she doesn't want me to take on too much. She's there to help me prioritize, and that it's most important to start getting exercise. I had said that I was going to join Weight Watchers last week, but that I had gotten pulled into a conference call before I was going to go (which is true), and it just didn't happen between meetings (which is also true). She said that while she usually is a strong believer in WW, that at this point, she would rather me take that one hour and exercise each week. That right now, it's more important to get other things on track (anxiety and depression), and that exercise will help with all of those things. So, I'm going to put WW on the back burner for now. And focus on exercise, and spending as much time with the kids as I can.

My aunt is not doing well. She has more tumors than they initially thought. And they're thinking that, depending on how she reacts to the treatment she's getting right now, the time frame is somewhere between three weeks and a few months. Sad, but I hate knowing that someone I know and love is suffering. I wish the cancer would just disappear and she'd be fine, but that's not going to happen. So now I'm really just hoping that she doesn't have to suffer too much.

Thanks

2008-06-06T09:55:00.002-04:00

Thanks so much for your support guys. Really, it means so much! My aunt seems to be doing a little better. I called my dad on Wednesday, and he was still at the hospital, and she even wanted to say hi!! So I got to talk to her for a few minutes. In reality, she sounded absolutely horrible. But I would have been shocked if she sounded good. So it's still pretty touch and go, and we have no idea what's going to happen yet. I'm praying for her constantly, either for her to get past this and keep fighting, or for her to not be in any pain anymore. I did call my brother yesterday and tell him what was going on, which was really hard for me to do. My brother and my dad's side of the family has a lot of tension since he and my father do not speak. He hasn't spoken to my aunt since my wedding, either (and that was 6 years ago). She was not invited to his wedding. I was glad to hear that he wanted to be kept in the loop, and was sad to hear that she's not doing well.

Yesterday was fun. I was at work, when the power went off at 10. It was off for over an hour, when they told us we could go home. Kind of hard to get ANYTHING done when your job is 100% on the computer, and the only thing you could work on was a laptop that had a battery that was running out, and you can't really start any jobs on the main grid, not knowing if it's stable. Gotta love that. So, at least I got to spend a quiet afternoon at home with my husband (who was home sick again). He's still home today, and still sick. I woke up this morning feeling a bit funny in my head, so I'm hoping it's just caffeine withdrawl, and that I'll be fine after the coffee kicks in. Otherwise I'll be enjoying the weekend from my bed with a fever for 3 days. Not my idea of a good time.

Therapy on Wednesday was also good. I'm impressed that I made it there, since we had a huge storm, and all the power was out. Thankfully she has a window in her office, so we were still able to meet. It was really helpful, and she's even more thinking that I need to have my meds adjusted a bit. So I'll talk to my GP about that on monday. She even said to have the GP call her if she wanted to talk to her about things. Kind of nice. I've definitely been having a few dark days here and there, and most days have several dark hours. I am really looking forward to the weekend though! I can't wait to get some SLEEP!

sad.

2008-06-04T10:47:00.003-04:00

Along with everything else I've been sad about lately, I received some bad news on Monday. My aunt Debbie, who has had breast cancer (and has spread to several other locations) for the last 11 years, is in the hospital. Apparently she has a tumor that is growing around an artery, causing some bleeding. She went into the hospital, and we're not sure what's going on. My dad went down to Miami yesterday, to be with her. My uncle (her husband) had called him and told him to get down there ASAP. It's not looking good. My aunt is amazing, she's fought for 11 years. I hope she can fight a bit longer, but it's not looking good.