sick again

Our christmas was great! Lots of gifts, fun, and mess. We even got to go to my friend K's house (we worked in the same lab in grad school). The bummer was when Seth decided to throw up all over himself and me. Poor little guy. Thankfully we were able to get our clothes off and washed, without causing too much fuss. He seemed fine. Until we got home and he had pooped himself with explosive force. Nasty, really. So we had a few down days, and he seems to be starting to feel better. No more pukes, but still has some nasty poop and isn't eating much. Went to the Doc yesterday because he was getting thrush in his diaper again (and I thought in his mouth but I was mistaken there). But we spent a good 15 minutes with Dr D, and talked out everything. He does think that seeing an ENT is a good idea, so we're in the process of making an appointment for that too. We're also trying probiotics, since he was sick, and on antibiotics, and starting signs of thrush. Hopefully will help him avoid a full outbreak again.

Another annoying thing- yesterday. Nathan was home sick (same virus Seth had), and was watching him for a few while I went to give blood. I've been trying to for months now, and every time I get close to the appointment, I've been on antibiotics again. This time I wasn't, so I went. And on my way, I got rear ended again. In an intersection, with a 4 way blinking red lights. I had the nerve to make a full stop. Hah! Anyway, it wasn't my fault, and they're taking full liability. Phew. So now I have to get my car fixed again. And to make things more annoying- I couldn't give blood because my iron levels were too low. Typical.

My mom comes today, which should be awesome. I'm looking forward to seeing her and my step father. My bro and his wife comes in on the 1st too, so it should be busy around here. Have a happy new year everyone!!

postponed.

Just our luck. I was ALL set to go into class today and teach the kids about Hanukkah. Latkes were made Sunday, and the oven was preheating. Cookies were just iced. Apple sauce purchased. All the plates, napkins, dreidels and gelt were in a bag and ready. And then the phone rings- day care had to close because of a water main break. Seriously?! I see the e-mails that the county sends out (a person at work usually forwards them on to all of us). The schools were closed, but private day cares didn't need to unless they had no water. But, mine decided to shut down. At 2. And what time was the party to be at? 2. Thankfully I hadn't heated the latkes up yet, so I packed up the cookies, and will save them for another time. Maybe tomorrow (if they are open).

At least on the plus side...I got to pick the kids up at 1:30. So we got to spend some extra time together. I made a big bowl of popcorn, put on a movie, and curled up with the kids. It was really nice.

back to the grind

Both kids went back to day care this morning- I can't believe it! Here's to hoping the week is easy, and they both stay healthy for the holiday. Of course, Seth's nose started running again, but what can you do? I'll have to post the list of things you're supposed to keep kids home for- it's a riot. If I followed it strictly, he'd NEVER be in day care, and I'd be out of a job for sure.

Had a busy weekend. Finished up the Hanukkah/Christmas shopping. Finally. Made Xmas cookies and Latkes, and wished I could spend more time resting. Ended up at ChuckECheese for a birthday party for Celia's friend, which was fun. She had a blast. which made it worth it. Just a few more days til Xmas, and it will all be done with. Phew!

2 for 1.

I love our pediatrician. I can't say that enough. I took the kids in for Celia's appt, (only Celia, because Seth just started meds, and didn't "need" to be seen). Celia has a lung infection, so it's antibiotics for her. And apparenlty she's wheezing a bit too, so we're using albuterol for her too. Joy! Then, he took a look at Seth's ears after he asked if I had started the antibiotic. He asked how he was, and I said that once we saw the temp hit 101, that we started it. He looked in his ears, and yup- ear infection on the left. He was glad I started them when I did. Just proves that my judgement sometimes can be correct. Phew. I knew Celia's cough wasn't right, and I'm glad I took her in. And its nice to have the confirmation that Seth did have an ear infection.

The sad part- I can't go in to Celia's holiday party today. I was supposed to teach the kids about Hanukkah, bring in a menorah, dreidel, and latkes. Luckily I hadn't cooked yet, so I'll just do it for Monday or Tuesday.

bah

Seth definitely has an ear infection now. Started treating it yesterday, and already he's down to 99! Yeah! And he is much happier. Of course, last night, after the kids had a bath, Nathan comes in singing to me "do you hear what I hear?", referring to Seth's wheezing. Just our luck. Thankfully, this morning, he actually sounds pretty good, so hopefully treating it at the first sign with albuterol last night helped. That, and a combo of higher doses of other meds.

Now, because things have to be fun around here, Celia has a horrible cough. The kind that stops her in her tracks and hurts when she coughs. So we're going to the doc this morning to have her checked out. Always fun over here. Ha.

bad girl!

I haven't posted in a while, because there really hasn't been much to talk about. Seth had been healthy (notice the had?!), Celia is healthy, I wasn't...but that's another story. Gotta love UTIs...seriously. 3 within 8 weeks- WTF?!!! SO unfair. At any rate, we've been pretty low key. I hate the holidays, so I just tend to burrow into a shell, and stay in it until they are over. I try so hard not to do that, especially with Celia being older now, but I can't help it. Instead, I'm throwing myself into the holiday spirit. I'm having Celia help me bake TONS of cookies. She helped me do all of the cut out cookies. The cutting out and the decorating. And helped me with the jam thumbprints too- rolled them in the egg wash and coconut. She even paused the TV during the times when I was ready for more help (only have 3 larger cookie sheets and there were LOTS of cookies to make!). It was incredible.

I'm also going into Celia's class on Friday with gelt, dreidels, a menorah, candles, latkes and applesauce to teach the class about hanukkah. It's going to be an interesting experience, because I don't know much of the details myself (thank goodness for the internet!!), but they asked parents if they wanted to come in and teach about some of our holiday traditions. So I figured why not?Her teacher was actually really excited, because she wanted to do all this stuff, but doesn't have the budget for it, and couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for everything. I just wish she was actually going to be there for it- she's on vacation this week. I may see about stretching it to next week, but we'll see.

Yesterday was the TOOTPU cookie exchange, which was SO much fun! I loved seeing everyone, chatting, catching up, and of course- eating loads of cookies.

Of course, as my luck would have it, I get home and think to myself- "Boy, Seth sure feels a little warm? I must be wrong!". As I helped get him ready for bed, I brought out the thermometer- 100.3. Hmmm. Cranky. Runny nose for over a week. Ding, ding, ding-- ear infection? Maybe? I let it go, and he went down great. This morning, he was still a little warm (100), so I figured it's better to be safe than sorry, and took him in to see Dr D. You know you're a frequent visitor when the nurse on the phone recognizes you as she's scheduling the appointment, and switches your spot from another Dr to Dr. D so we can see him instead. She said "because I know he likes keep a close eye on him". Great. Anyway, he's got loads of clear fluid in his ears. For now. He said that likely in the next few days, it'll turn to an ear infection. Given he has a cold virus, that he has the fluid, and he's prone to ear infections. At least we don't have to go back. If he's not doing better by tomorrow/Wed or if he gets worse, I'm supposed to call and he will send over a perscription for antibiotics. Gotta love that kind of service. At any rate, he's sleeping, I'm getting some work done, and hoping that he'll be able to fight it off fast and be well instead fo sick for the rest of the week. On a positive note, Dr D said that his lungs sounded the best he's heard in a long time- CRYSTAL CLEAR!!! Yeah!!!

turkey

Thanks for the support everyone, it was a huge help. Things have been better, and Seth is on the mend! He sounds so much better, which is a huge relief! Seth went back to Dr D on wednesday morning, and he sounded so much better that we don't need to follow up again. The only thing that he noticed was that we've got thrush again. So back with the ny.statin 4 times a day (both in his mouth and in his diaper this time). Other than that, he's great! I was partially tempted to jump in the car on wednesday afternoon, but I didn't. I was good, and we stayed here as planned.

We had a nice, low key thanksgiving, which is what we all needed. My uncle and his wife and kids were here visiting my aunt's family for the holiday, so they came to lunch on Thanksgiving. Soup and sandwiches, followed by a nice walk after lunch. The kids had a blast, and we had a nice time catching up too. It was great to see them. I took naps most days, and just took it easy. I did do a little shopping, and treated myself to a few things (new jeans and a new purse!). Even got a few good deals!

Celia has had fun too. We put the tree up on Friday evening and got the tree decorated on Saturday morning. It feels like the holidays.

RSV

Seth has RSV, which we found out after being sent back to the hospital on Friday. Poor kiddo was breathing really hard, and wheezing a bit. He was admitted, and after loads of nebs, suctioning, and rest, he got sent discharged this afternoon. I can't even describe how tired I am. How hard it is to stare at your baby in a metal cage/crib, and how hard it is to have to suction out his nose, when it's all clogged and gross. Thankfully he's breathing easier, and we're home. I am soooo opening a big bottle of wine tonight and having 2 glasses.

Unfortunately with this, we are now canceling our plans to travel to Buffalo for Thanksgiving. We'll stay in MD and lay low. Just to be on the safe side. Somehow I think that shoving him in the car, driving for 8 hours to a very cold place, and exposing him to lots of other people probably isn't the best idea right now. I also had to miss a few things this weekend that I REALLY wanted to go to, and am completely bummed about missing.

Hope everyone else had a better weekend than I did.

slightly better

Seth's lungs sounded the same as they did on Friday, according to Dr. D. Not great news, but at least they aren't worse. Just wish they'd have been better. Of course this was after his last dose of prednis.one, and extending his course of that isn't the best idea (especially considering he's been on it two other times in the last two months. So instead, we're upping his pul.micort to four times a day for 3 days. We'll see how he's doing after that. Luckily, I had his 9 month well-baby visit scheduled for tomorrow, so we'll see Dr D again and have him listened to (and measured/weighed, etc). The only thing we won't do is his hep.B vaccine. We'll hold off on that- he said yesterday that there was no way he will give him any shots right now. So for now, Seth is home, away from day care, getting his nebs every 4 hours (sometimes sooner), and resting. He needs to be away from other kids/people right now, to avoid giving him anything else on top of what ever it was that initially triggered this episode.

At least I got to go to work today. Husband is at home, with Seth. I'll be home tomorrow, so I can take him to the Dr. Poor kiddo, I just want him to feel completely better and have no difficulties in breathing.

ER

We had an eventful day. Seth has had a cold since last weekend, and I was a bit concerned about it. It wasn't getting any better at all, so I took him in today to see what the Doc thought. We got to see Dr D, and within 5 minutes, he was getting an albut.erol treatment. Seth was really wheezing a lot, to the point where his face had a little blue tint to it. NOT a good thing. So after that, and re-checking his pulse-ox, which was still under 80, Dr D sent us to the hospital. By ambulance. I was totally freaked, but he and the nurse did a great job at calming me down and reassuring me. I called Nathan to meet me at the hospital, because I knew I couldn't manage it myself without completely freaking. Thankfully we got there just after he did, so it worked out. After about 4 hours, another neb treatment (plus the one in the ambulance on the way), some oxygen, a chest Xray and some tests on nasal secretions (for rsv and flu virus) we were cleared to go home. His breathing is still not great, but at least his pulse ox was regularly over 90, and the blue was gone. Now we're on predni.solone again, and albut.erol every 4 hours. We get to go back and see Dr D again tomorrow. Talk about a stressful day!! I would have a glass of wine or something, but if he gets bad again, I have to drive to the hospital. Again. I'm hoping he's ok for the night. This whole infant asthma thing seriously sucks. And it's stressful. Seeing my precious sweet boy sitting on a gurney in an ambulance is an image I'll have with me for a long time. It's moments like that that I'm so grateful that my inlaws took the cat, and that we're doing all we can to help him breathe easier.

vote

I spent an hour plus in line this morning, and cast my vote. I'm hopeful, optimistic, and excited at the chance for change!

getting ready

This weekend is the first big craft show of the year for me! I had to apply, and get accepted, which makes me even happier and excited that I was chosen! If you're in the DC area, and are interested in checking out a wicked craft show, come by! Here's the info:

gold

Well, it wasn't just a filling that I lost. It was an onlay- that was put in 3 years ago!! That I spent several hundred dollars on 3 years ago. And that was with insurance. Can you say I'm not happy?! So I get to replace it, with gold. They were at first talking about a crown, but decided that porcelain was not the way to go. So I get to have a gold onlay put in, which is not cheap. Even with 2 policies, it's still costing me 350! Yeah...it hasn't been a good week.

At least the week is almost over. Thank goodness!

Are you f*cking kidding me??

After lunch today, I realized that I lost a filling. A big one. Can't I catch a break?? Looks like I'm headed to the dentist tomorrow. AND, Seth has a rash. So he's going back to the ped. Seriously, I'm tempted to dig a hole and hide for a while so nothing else happens.

Thrush

Seth has thrush. Apparently it's common after either a course of antibiotics (of which he's had 2 in the last 3 weeks), and in kids who use nebs (which he does twice a day). So, he doc wasn't sure why it happened, but at least it's treatable. Thankfully he's in a good mood.

no surprise.

Just yesterday, I was joking with a co-worker about Seth actually being healthy for one full week. I said "knock on wood" and knocked on my desk (which is not made from wood). I should have knocked on the door or something.

A few days ago, I noticed a little white residue on the inside of his upper lip. We thought it was likely from where he's chewing on himself (he's now got 2 teeth coming in the bottom). Boy was I wrong! This morning, his mouth was ALL white. His tongue, his cheeks, the inside of upper/lower lips. Not good. So we get to go to the Pediatrician this morning, and see what's going on. I'm guessing it's yeast, but hard to tell. It shouldn't be bacterial, since he just finished up his antibiotic 2 days ago. We shall see.

stolen from several others....

1. How long have you been a Mom? 4 and a half years

2. How many children call you Mommy? 1.

3. Girl? Boy? or both?: both

4. Did you know what you were having? Yes, I hate surprises.

5. How old were you when you became a Mom? 27

6. How long were you in labor? I never had the chance. I had a scheduled C-section with Celia, and then again with Seth (though it did get pushed up because of contractions...they weren't real labor ones though)

7. What’s your favorite thing about being a Mom? The snuggling, hugging and kisses. They are like magic.

8. What’s your least favorite thing? not sleeping through the night.

9. Do you want more kids? No way- thus the tubal ligation.

10. Do you plan on having more soon? Not unless a miracle happens and my husbands low quality sperm gets to my ute and an egg gets past my tied tubes.

11. How many times have you been pee’d on? probably close to 100.

12. Barfed on? daily if you count spit-up.

13. Is your child named after anyone? Nope.

14. How did you come up with their name? both names were found in a baby name book of over 35,000 names.

15. When your child gets in trouble, who is the bad guy? Hands down it's me.

16. What is the longest you have been away from your children? A trip to San Jose/San Francisco last October. Though I suppose Seth was technically "with" me in the womb.

17. Bedtime routine? Dinner, followed by baths. After baths, I take Seth for his meds, Nathan takes Celia for 2 books of her choosing. I feed Seth, and he's usually down around 8. Lights go out after Celia's books, and then she gets 2 stories, 10 "protecting kisses" on her foot, and a dozen or so good byes. Followed by a request for water, last hugs, and then she's down.

18. Are your toes painted? Do you count the polish on my 2 biggest toes that is chipping off and only has a sliver left?.

19. Last movie you saw in the theater? Made of Honor. By myself. Before I went back to work.

20. One thing you will not give up just because you’re a mom? Knitting.

21. One thing you did give up now that you’re a mom: drinking as much as I used to. Now it's 1 glass of wine or 1 drink. Not 2 or 3.

22. Best Mom perk: The smiles, hugs and kisses.

23. Snack, you sneak bites from your child? sometimes.

24. When the kid is napping, you are: watching TV or knitting.

25. Where is your child(ren) now? PreK and day care

26. Favorite place to buy maternity clothes? Old Navy

27. If I could do it over…I would have found a way for me to stay home with them.

28. Did it turn out the way you expected? Even with the bad parts, it's even better.

what to do

Been busy! Finally feeling better, which is a good thing. Or I should say my throat is feeling better. This morning I woke up with the odd sensation that I was coming down with a UTI. Because I can't just have one sickness at a time. Lucky me! So I'm off to the Doc this afternoon to get more antibiotics (because one is never enough!).

Last weekend we got all of the carpets cleaned as well as the sofas and loveseats. The house is as cat-free as can be! Plus on Monday we had the ducts cleaned, so we're really doing well right now. Thanks to my mom (who offered to pay for both the rugs/sofas and duct work), and my MIL (who took the cat), we're now doing as much as humanly possible to keep Seth's breathing on track. And today, he actually sounded good for a change. Nice.

I'm starting to look forward to this weekend. At first, my husband was going to go up to Harrisburg to help the guys (his BILs and dad) build a shed for my SIL/BIL. It was the weekend of their annual camping trip, and I had begged him not to go for the camping part. The idea of being with both kids myself for the weekend, and having him far away completely freaked me out. Yes, it's irrational. But I can't help that. I'm trying though. I had mentioned to Celia last week that she probably wouldn't get to go camping this fall (because it is already almost over!), and she was really upset. I mentioned casually to my husband that it was too bad she couldn't go with him to Harrisburg and be part of the guys weekend. He said that he was pretty sure that was not what others wanted, but that he'd check and see. As it turns out, they'd rather have Nathan bring Celia for the camping part than have him just there for the day, so he's going to take Celia. At first I went back and forth on whether I thought it was a good idea, but Celia really wants to go camping, so they're going. Which leaves me for the entire weekend with the baby. Just the two of us! I'm actually really excited about having so much quality time with him. He's getting so big, and learning so much every day. I'm hoping to get to the mall, but I have no clue what else we'll do! A whole weekend and nothing to do...sounds like heaven! Hopefully he'll cooperate and be in a good mood so we can have some real fun together.

my turn

Today was my turn to hit the doctors. I have had a sore throat on and off for weeks, and it hasn't really been bad, just annoying. Until yesterday. And this morning, it was even worse, so I figured I'd go have it checked out. Turns out I have a wicked case of strep throat. No idea where it came from, but it's there. And she gave me the "worst throat of the week" prize. Lucky me!!

And to show just how lucky I am, I went into work yesterday afternoon for a few hours. Initially it was for a meeting, but it got cancelled. So I still went in anyways. On my way home, on my least favorite stretch of the commute, on 270, I got rear ended. Thankfully I'm OK and my car is fine. BUT it sucks, because I still have to have my car looked at, and deal with insurance shit. On top of being sick. Bah.

back to the Dr.

Seth went back to the pediatrician this morning. His wheezing was really bad, and was grunting a bit, so we just took him. He was not thrilled with how Seth is doing, and he actually spent a good amount of time with us. We did an albuterol treatment in his office, which helped a little but not much. He called Dr. R (the pulmonologist) to talk with him about changing up Seth's treatment plan, since it's not working. He shouldn't be wheezing this badly every time he gets sick. I'm waiting on that call to see what they want to do. We may have to put him back on Prednisone again to clear it up, but it's not a good thing to have to keep going back to that.

On a positive note, here are a few pics of the floor!! It's absolutely beautiful. The color is so rich, and dark, and amazing! The pic of the hallway with the stairs next to it shows the color the best, or possibly the one with Seth. I absolutely love it. It's amazing!!

delay

Why the delay in posting the pics of the new floor?? Because Seth is sick again and I haven't had a chance to get the pics off my camera! Friday, he had a fever and stayed home with his dad. Saturday, he was doing better. But sunday afternoon, his fever was back at 103.3 (even on motrin). So yesterday back to Dr D to find out he had a double ear infection AND conjunctivitis in both eyes (which was pretty obvious with all the green puss coming from his eyes). He's now on antibiotics for the ears, and drops for his eyes, and is miserable. Still crying a lot, has no voice left (which makes his little cry so sad), and is wheezing a lot now. Of course yesterday with Dr D, his breathing was good. Today, not good. Not good at all. May be going back tomorrow, but we'll see.

Show and Tell 2

For my second show and tell, I am showing what we've been up to lately with our house.

First- we have our most recent project- replacing some nasty tan carpet with a bamboo floor. The hard surface will make it much easier to keep it clean for Seth, since we don't really know what's contributing to his breathing issues. And, it's absolutely gorgeous!

First, my husband tore up the carpet in the family room and hallway. This revealed a nasty vinyl floor that was green. And glued to the concrete, which was not easy to get up. It involved renting this:


Here's a lovely shot of the vinyl floor. Isn't it sooo '70's? Notice the bookshelves that are built in?? When they were built in, they were done on top of the carpet. So my husband had to take off the base molding and pull out all of the supports, just to get the carpet out of that space. Thankfully it wasn't too difficult, it will just involve some tweaking when we put the supports back in, since the concrete is lower than the carpet. And there is a slight difference between the height of the bamboo and the height of the carpet.


Here's the room once it's rid of the vinyl, carpet, and trash. Because let me tell you how much the vinyl made! Lots of heavy, heavy trash.


Lastly, the hallway.


This weekend, my in-laws are here and my FIL and husband are putting in the bamboo. I have to say it's even more beautiful in person!! I can't wait to see it done. The family room is done, and the hallway will be done today. I can't wait to show some more pics this evening once it's all done!!

5 months.

If we're reading it right, my husbands severance package will include 5 months of pay. Plus benefits. Thank god. We found out today that he will likely be losing his job soon, but we don't know when or how it will happen. They sent out the packages just a little while ago, and we read through it. It looks like things will be ok, just stressful.

The hardest thing is knowing that he has been dragging his feet on getting prepared for this. He still hasn't touched his resume. And he still hasn't started looking for another position. It's going to be a stressful few weeks/months. I just hope he doesn't have a hard time finding a job.

===============
On the plus side, Seth got his first tooth! I noticed it today when I was changing him before bed. It's definitely there, and little, and sharp. And he is still all smiles! My baby is getting SO big!


I took this pic this morning. Just precious! Notice that Celia got her hair cut. Short, like Tinkerbel. She wants to be a fairy for Halloween and wanted her hair SHORT. Such a sweetie.

Light the Night

Once again, I'm going to be walking in the Light the Night walk to benefit
the Leukemia and Lymphoma society on October 4th in Fredericksburg, VA.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) funds lifesaving cancer research that
has contributed to major advances in the treatment of blood cancers and many
other types of cancer treatments, such as chemotherapy and stem cell
transplants, that have helped patients live better, longer lives. New
targeted therapies that kill cancer cells without harming normal tissue are
providing drugs and procedures that are improving the quality of life.

But more research is critically needed:

Every five minutes someone is diagnosed with blood cancer. Every 10 minutes,
someone dies.
Leukemia causes more deaths among children than any other cancer.
Nearly 20,000 Americans died from lymphoma in 2007.
The survival rate for myeloma is just 34 percent.

Please make a donation to support my participation in the Light The Night
Walk and help save lives. Be sure to check my Web site frequently to see my
progress, and thanks for your support! Here is the link for my donation
page: http://www.active.com/donate/ltnRichmo/2335_sbidwell

better!

What a week! Thankfully Seth is finally better, and back at day care as of yesterday. After 2 full weeks of being out. Ouch!

Where were we when I last posted? I took Seth to the ped on Wed, and we had blood drawn. So, thursday, Dr D called me and we talked about the blood results. Looked like it was probably another virus, which is good news. Either the aug.mentin worked fast, or he didn't need it, but he wanted to keep him on it just to be safe. He also asked how his breathing was doing (not better at that point), and said that if he hadn't improved quite a bit by the next morning (Friday), that he wanted to see him again. So friday morning, we went back to see Dr. D. He walked in and listened, and he was doing a little better (which was really good, considering I hadn't gotten to his nebs before leaving the house), which was really good news. Because if he hadn't gotten any better at all, he would have hospitalized Seth. Not happy news. Definitely not happy news. So, we chatted, and he said that he had hoped to be able to make the decision of whether or not to hospitalize him that morning based on what he saw, and that he wasn't quite sick enough to be hospitalized. But he wasn't happy with how he was doing, either. So he suggested keeping him home and continue doing what we were doing for a few more days, and see where we were on Monday. I also mentioned that I'd call Dr. R (the pediatric pulmonologist) and let him know what was up (since he wanted to be kept in the loop), and he liked that idea. He said that Dr R may even want to see us that day, and not to be surprised if that was the case. So I called Dr R when we got home at 9:15, and we had a spot at 10:15. So off we were again. Dr. R was somewhat happy with how Seth was responding to the meds, and fully agreed with everything that Dr D had us doing. He said that he could have gone up a little on the pred.nisone, but that hopefully it wouldn't be necessary. His breathing sounded pretty good (duh- had givein him nebs just before we left for that appt), but he definitely agreed that he was laboring more than he should. He said to keep Seth on the 2 doses of pul.micort a day instead of just one throughout the winter, as Dr. D had suggested. And we'll go back at our next scheduled appt in October. He did say that he was hoping after our last appt that we'd be through this wheezing patch soon, and that Seth would just grow out of it fast. But after this last bout, that we'll likely be frequent flyers with him. Lucky us. At least he's fantastic, and one of the best ped. pulmonologists in the area. That does make me feel a bit better. And with him being in agreement with our pediatrician, that makes me feel even better.

That's the update on Seth. Later I'll update on the progress with our floor.

another virus?!

Well, we have two options here. First is that the secondary bacterial infection (which the Dr still thinks he has because his lungs are pretty crappy), is a bacterial infection that aug.mentin will not work on. Either being resistant or another type of bacteria. The other option, is that on top of the original virus and bacterial infection, he's now got another viral infection. The Dr is leaning towards that, but we won't know until the blood count comes back tomorrow.

On another note, I purposely did NOT give Seth his nebs this morning because I wanted Dr D to hear him breathing, and get some verification that what I was hearing was, in fact, wheezing. Let's just say that I'm not crazy!! He didn't like it one bit, and we did a neb treatment right in the office so he could listen to his lungs after and see how well it helped. They were better, but he was still wheezing after the al.buterol. So, now we're back to every 4 hours on the albut.erol, twice a day on the pul.micort, AND 2mL twice a day of pred.nisolone. Plus the 2mL of Zan.tac and the au.gmentin. Poor kiddo is getting tons of meds right now. I'm just hoping they help. His temp is a little better, but still not perfect. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

still here.

Seth still has a fever, down to 100.1, but is still there. We get to see Dr. D again today (man is he going to be sick of me!) at 9:15. This time I'm not giving Seth motrin or his nebs before I take him. He's definitely been using his albu.terol several times a day lately. Not liking how this is going. We're now on day 10 with a fever over 100.

update

Celia: Better!! Went to Dr D yesterday, who said she does NOT have a UTI (her urine results were iffy at best, and the culture showed NO growth!!). Yeah!! She's finally back at preK today.

Nathan: Doing a little better. Not horizontal all the time, but still not back to normal. Will likely be home again tomorrow since he's still not feeling great. Poor guy.

Seth: Still sick. Has a fever still of 100.8 this morning. Dr. D said that he wasn't comfortable with the fact that Seth has had a fever for 8 days (as of yesterday), and that it's likely that he developed a secondary infection. Especially considering there was mucus in his lungs, and bacteria love mucus. SO, we'll see what the antibiotic does. And if he's not better by tomorrow with no fever, Dr D told me to call him.

Me: I'm still fine!! I can't believe I've managed to avoid it. I'm sure sleeping in the baby's room instead of my bed has helped. I even managed to run to the mall on Sunday and do some shopping. Treated myself to a shirt, lunch, and more bath bombs.

That is all!

What is this thing?!

Seriously, what the hell is this thing? Celia still has a fever (after it being gone this morning), and is up to 102.1 again. Nathan has been pretty solid around 103. I'm still OK, but the baby was also up a little around 100.0 again this morning. What is going on here?? Why won't everyone just get better already?

Celia just scared the crap out of me too. She was watching TV downstairs, and started crying and saying that she couldn't breathe. She was wheezing like crazy, and was able to make it upstairs to let me give her the albute.rol in the neb, which thankfully stopped it. She was hysterical, and had no idea how to stop it. She didn't like the neb, but I did bribe her quite nicely with a Dum Dum lollypop. Needless to say, she's going to the doctor on Monday. I also managed to look down her throat, and it's red. Please, oh please don't let it be strep. That is the one thing that I can never avoid.

oy.

Nathan just called. He's coming home because he doesn't feel well. What the hell is this virus?!! I better not get it. I can't afford to miss any more work! Crapper.

And his meeting was OK, but not great. Some positives, some negatives. We'll basically have to wait and see what the next 2 weeks bring. I hate waiting.

wtf

Seth was doing better. His temp was closer to 100 most of yesterday. And then last night, at 3 when he woke up, it was up to 102.2. And it was still going up, but he decided to poop while I had the thermometer in (three times...No, I didn't learn my lesson the first attempt). So I'm not sure how high it would have gotten. And Celia is now up to 103.8. What the heck is this virus?? It just keeps going and going. Nasty, pesky thing. I hate viruses.

At least it is Friday, so they have 2 more days to get better before heading back to day care/preK on monday (I'm being optimistic in hoping that they'll both be well enough to go).

And in 15 minutes, Nathan goes to a meeting where they'll give an update on the status of their jobs. It's either going to be a good friday, or a bad friday. Hoping for a good friday.

phew

Well, we avoided that one! Thankfully Seth does not have pneumonia. I was really getting worried for a minute there, but when 2 hit and they hadn't called yet, I was pretty sure we were in the clear. You would think that if it was bad, they would have called as soon as the fax came in with the results. Thank goodness. Poor kid does still have a fever though, only it's lower (more like 100.5 instead of 102/103). And to top it all off, this morning Celia woke up sick. So I had both kids home today, and I am now exhausted!! Celia's been sleepy, but not sleeping. She slept terribly last night, apparently woke up a few times (but I slept through the whole thing). At one point, I guess Nathan woke up to find her asleep next to him, out cold, so he left her there. When she got up, I felt her forehead when she said her stomach hurt, and knew immediately that she was staying home too. When Nathan took her temp, he yells to me from the bathroom "I have a 4 letter word for you", and I yelled the same thing back, because Seth had a temp again, after gong 12 hours yesterday without one. Can this please be over soon?? It would be nice to actually GO to work. I love being with them, but feel awful missing work for a whole week like this.

still sick

There is never a dull moment around here! This morning, I took Seth to see our favorite Dr D. After a quick exam, he said that there is good news and bad news- he didn't find much. But what he did find, was that his lungs are all mucous-y. Yuck! So, since he is so young, the course of action is... another chest Xray! Oh joy of joys. So I headed over to SGR, and got the chest Xray done. You can tell he doesn't feel well when he didn't cry until a few minutes after being put in the "seat" for his Xray. Poor kiddo suddenly started a high pitched squeak and started balling hard. And raspy. It broke my heart. So now we're home, he's resting, and I'm trying to get some work done. And waiting for the phone to ring to find out if there was anything on the Xray. I hate when they won't tell you anything at the radiology offices!

300??

Wow. My 300th post was on Sunday- holy crap!!

I have a few things to talk about today. First, let's start with Seth. He had his 6 month appointment on Friday, which was great. We saw my favorite Dr, Dr D. He was fabulous as always, and decided that while the Dr R (the Pulmonologist) thinks that Seth's reflux is not an issue nor is it causing issues with his breathing, Dr D feels like it is worth it to treat it with Zan.tac. That since he's still spitting up, and wheezing daily, that we should be trying everything. Even though it isn't really upsetting Seth, that he still shouldn't be wheezing as frequently as he is. And of course, every time we're with Dr. R, he is breathing fine. Typical. At any rate, he's now 18 pounds, 11 ounces, and getting bigger every day! He did hear the wheezing I'm talking about hearing, which was good. He thinks it's mostly nasal at this point, but then when Seth coughed, he heard another wheez that was definitely in his chest. He's tempted to increase his dose of pulmi.cort to twice a day. But we'll see how things go for now. After the vaccines (4 shots and 1 oral), he was doing pretty well. A bit cranky, a little temp, but nothing more than that. Then Saturday he was fine.

Sunday evening, he started with a fever of around 101.2. By the morning it was down to 99.9, so I stayed home with him. He was doing great! Until after dinner, when he was warm again (now at 101.2 again). He didn't sleep well last night, and ended up in our bed because he was cranky and kept waking up, but soothed down right away with snuggling. So we snuggled all night, and it was great. I did wake up in the middle of the night and touched his head and he was HOT. But by the time we got up, it was down to 99.7 again. So I kept him home again, and called the pediatricians office. After speaking with a nurse, we decided to treat it with tylenol for now, and keep an eye on him. That if he hit 101, that we should have him seen. So we chilled out, I gave him some more tylenol, and snuggled in at one point for a short nap. He woke up a bit later, hot again. This time it was up to 102.5. So I called the ped's office again, and now there are no more slots available for the rest of the day. All the docs are in meetings for the rest of the day. So, we have an appointment for 8:30 tomorrow morning to see what's going on. I'm a little worried, but don't think it's enough to take him to the emergency room (as they suggested if I was really concerned). So we'll see what happens over night and tomorrow. I hate it when he's sick. ;(

The other thing that I'm worried about is with Celia. She came into our room the other day, and said to me that she had something to tell me. I asked her what was going on, and she told me that she was upset. She and her friend were talking about her coming over to their house or her friend coming over to our house to play some day. And then her friend said that she wasn't allowed to come over and that Celia couldn't come over to her house either. Because her daddy doesn't like white people. My blood ran cold instantly. I had no idea what to say to her. I thought I had years before dealing with this sort of thing, and here is a 4 year old telling my daughter that she can't be friends with her because she's white. I am floored. And I have no idea what to say to my kid, who is heartbroken because she loves this girl. Any advice here?

Show and Tell

Since my daughter just started PreK, and now has Show N Tell every Friday, I decided to finally jump in on the fun!

I grew up in Buffalo, NY. And having grown up there, made it so I was very close to one of my favorite spots- Niagara Falls.

I went up there as a child, whenever we had visitors come in to town, and never appreciated it. Then when I was about 17, and in love for the first time, my boyfriend and I went up there and I was just amazed at their beauty. After he and I split in my sophmore year of college, I moved back home to go to UB. This was when I really visited the falls. Weekend after weekend, being that it was just 25 minutes from campus. We'd go up there to go clubbing, at Rumors Night Club, right up on Clifton Hill. We'd park on the American side, walk over the bridge, drink til we couldn't drink any more (for $20 american, we'd get nearly $30 canadian, and drink a LOT), and then stumble back over the bridge so we could clear Cus.toms without any problems (since we were only 19, which is legal in Canada but not in the US).

In April, I took Celia there for the first time. She absolutely LOVED it! She loved watching the water, and waves, and mist. It was such a great moment, I had to share it.

At some point, I also visited my other favorite spot, Niagara-on-the-Lake, which is a little town about 10 minutes from the Falls. It's picturesque, has great shops, restaurants, AND my favorite part, wineries. In grad school, a friend of mine (K- the one who just moved here), and I, along with a few other labmates would go up there for "tea" at the Prince of Whales hotel. They have a fabulous afternoon Tea.

I loved it so much, that my husband and I decided to take our Honeymoon in NOTL. We had a small hotel all to ourselves, went to all of the wineries we could find, tasted hundreds of wines, and bought about 50 bottles (no joke). It is a lovely town, and I go back every chance I get (including in April when I was in Buffalo for a bit). Here is Celia, in NOTL, stopping to smell the tulips (my all time favorite flower). In April, they are in bloom on every street corner, and lining the streets. Just amazing.

And here are a few pictures from a trip Nathan and I took up there with 2 friends a few years back over Thanksgiving. I love how it looks in the snow. Reminds me of one night on our honeymoon. We were there at the end of March, and we had just had a nice dinner and went for a walk. As we were walking, it started to snow (not at all uncommon for March). The big, fat, beautiful snow flakes just blanketed the town, and we practically had it all to ourselves. One thing I'll never forget.

wild weekend

Wow. Labor day weekend was such a whirlwind!! We spent tons of time with friends, more friends, and some other friends. It was fantastic. Sometimes, I forget how much friends can be like family, and for that I am so grateful! My friend K, who is now a patent attorney in DC, is now in her apartment in Arlington. Saturday night, we went over there to christen her kitchen with dinner. It was fantastic, and so much fun to see her!! She was one of my best friends in grad school, and I'm SO excited to have her here now. We're already talking about checking out some restaurants, shopping, and just chilling. Not that she'll have much spare time in the beginning, being a lawyer, but everyone needs a break sometimes! And her place is exactly 38 minutes from mine, which is just awesome.

Then Sunday, I spent some one-on-one time with Celia. I took her to lunch, and then to Whole Foods for some groceries. We had so much fun being silly together. Then some friends came down from Philly, and a few others came up from Fredericksburg, and we just chilled in the back yard. Ordered some pizza, and drank some wine and mojitos. Talk about the perfect evening. Labor day itself was spent with the friends from Philly (who spent the night), having breakfast, making lunch, and then heading to a party at our neighbors house after our friends left. Lots of fun was had, some good drinking was done (though not by me for once), and we all just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves.

I also spent a bunch of time getting ready for a craft show I"m doing this weekend. Lots of yarn has been dyed, reskeined, and some has been labeled. I still have more labels to print, but for the most part I'm ready. For those of you in the area, the show is at the Artway in Damascus. Check out the flier I made up! We have goodie bags for the first 50 buyers, and a huge gift basket with items from all of the tables up for raffle. It's going to be fantastic!

day by day

It's getting easier. Thankfully the vivid thought of Zoey when she collapsed (she refused to lay down) and fell asleep for the last time is starting to fade a bit. It's no longer the first thing I think about whenever I think about her being gone. The other memories, the ones I'll treasure forever, are more prominent. While I miss her, and I catch myself calling the other cat Zoey, and I swear I've felt her crawl on the bed in the middle of the night and lay on my feet, she isn't here anymore, and she's in a much better place.

And because nothing can ever be simple over here, Seth has developed a nasty stomach virus. One that involves him spitting up a bit, but the fun part is the diarrhea. It's poisonous! It stinks, and it's gross, and it's everywhere. It started Wednesday around 3AM (when I noticed it for the first time), when he puked on me, then continued to poop all over me and pee on me when I was cleaning up the poop. He's definitely a boy, because he looked SO proud of himself after that. It was so cute it was funny. I would have been really upset had he not smiled at me with that big toothless grin just seconds after it happened. That "I love you mommy, I feel so much better now" look. Let's just say that it was NOT fun. And I"ve been home with him since taking care of the poop and the spit up, and the crying cranky baby. He did go to the Doc yesterday just to check on him. I was a little over protective to take him, but with his asthma and he had been pretty snotty for a few days, and had a mild fever, I just wanted to make sure nothing else was going on (which nothing else is for once). The fun thing we learned is that Seth has a bump on his gum where his next tooth will be coming in. He also has something called a Geographical tongue. Like splotches on his tongue in the back, almost like a map. I guess it's common in kids with asthma/allergies, and gets more pronounced when they're sick. Interesting. At least it's absolutely nothing to be concerned about, just something to note.

And I've been getting things ready for my fall craft shows too! I've got a table at the Artway in Damascus next Saturday (Sept 6th) where I'll be selling my yarn and other knitting accessories. I've got tons of stock dyed up, which has been fun. AND, I decided to open up a yarn club! It's all about Harry Potter, has 7 shipments, and is one skein dyed from inspiration from each of the 7 books, either a character or a place, or a thing that was important to the plot. I'm really excited about it. If you're interested, check it out in my shop here. Should be a lot of fun!!

Bah...baby is awake again. I wish he'd sleep so I can get some work done. And so he can kick this virus!

broken

The only way I can describe how I feel right now is broken. I have a huge hole in my heart. It kind of surprises me, how hard I'm taking the passing of my Zoey. I love(d) this cat more than anything. She was my "furbaby" for 6 plus years, almost her whole life. Yet I'm surprised that my heart is crushed. That I feel nauseous. That I just want her back.

I know we did the right thing in letting her go. She was not in her prime. The end was inevitable. We knew it was coming, and that it was unfair to keep her alive just for us, when she wasn't well. But it hurts like hell having her gone.

Last night before bed, I was laying there, under the covers. And I swear that I felt her jump on the bed and lay on my feet. But when I looked over, no one was there. It was all in my imagination. Same thing happened this morning. I was taking my shower this morning, and our other cat (Trinity), walked in and sat on the toilet and watched me. Then she looked back towards the door, expecting Zoey to come in and bang on the shower door (she liked to jump in and get wet whenever anyone took a shower). She looked confused when she wasn't coming. And it broke my heart.

Celia is doing OK with it all. We've told her that Zoey is in Heaven. Not that I'm sure that I really believe in Heaven, but it's at least a way to explain it to a 4 and a half year old. She's in a place where she can run around outside, lay in the sun, chase butterflies, eat and drink as much as she wants, and jump in the shower whenever she feels like it. She's not sick anymore. She's healthy, and happy, and having fun. I really miss my little Zoey. Her sweet head, I loved to kiss her head. I think the thing that hurts the most is that I was the one who had to make the call. I was the one who told the vet that it was time to let her go. And I am the one who originally kept forgetting to call and take her in to get checked. We could have caught it earlier, treated it sooner, and probably had her around for much, much longer. And even though looking at the "what if's" is not exactly the best thing, I can't help it and I do blame myself somewhat. I should have called the vet sooner. But I didn't. And she got really sick, and she's gone, and I have to live with that.

I just really miss her. And I know the pain will fade eventually, but for now it is raw. And real. And I do feel broken.

Good bye Zoey

She's gone. Over the weekend, she threw up all over the house...which was a sign we were supposed to look for. This morning, I took her to the vet with the intention of having her put down. I had her checked out, the vomiting was either a sign of her advanced kidney disease, or of her being scared that we were gone for a few days (our neighbor came to feed/medicate her while were away playing). No way of knowing which. They offered to try a few things to see if they helped, and I asked about having her put down. They can't really push you in either direction, but they talked me through it, and said that if it was what I wanted than they'd support it. If I didn't have kids to worry about, I would have done whatever possible to keep her around. But with a 4 and a half year old who remembers everything, it made sense to let her go before she got really sick. I want Celia to have fond memories of Zoey. Not sad ones. And I didn't want to get to the point where Zoey was suffering.

I held pet her and kissed her head as they injected her. I watched her fall asleep for the last time. And then I spent about 10 minutes with her to say goodbye and be with her. And I cried the whole time. I cried the whole way home. And the whole way in the house to get to my other cat, Trinity. Who hissed at me. Typical Trin. At least she let me pet her a little while I cried some more. Now I feel like I'm all cried out, but I know that when I tell Celia that zoey is gone, that I'll be in tears again.

Talk about a shitty couple of weeks. Enough death, thank you very much.

Zoey Bidwell, March 20, 2002-August 25, 2008
We will miss you.

random

There were a few things I wanted to post about from my trip to Buffalo, but I can't seem to remember what they were when I'm posting, so I'm doing it now. In one post, so I don't forget again. They are quite random, but I'll separate them as I go.

First-------Adoption and subsequent pregnancies. I have two cousins. Neither of which are blood related, but are cousins none the less. T and his wife E live in Florida, and had tried to have a baby for years. Including doing IVF which was unsuccessful. They finally went and adopted a little boy from Kazakhstan. After a year, they weren't even trying, just not preventing, and they got pregnant. They just had their little boy about a month ago. Then my other cousin E (who is a nephew of my uncle's wife), and his wife had trouble getting pregnant, and were doing IVF last summer. They had no luck. Then they stopped trying, and I'm not sure if they adopted or just stopped trying (that story was muddled and I was pretty drunk so I can't remember), and then she got pregnant. So it's happened twice in my family. Plus another cousin (my dad's cousin's daughter) did IVF twice, and ended up with a set of twins and a son. So clearly infertility is all over my family. Just thought it was interesting. Of course, the one cousin who was up and I saw, I really didn't get to talk to about the infertility stuff because it was his step mom that had just passed.

Secondly----The same evening I found out about the adoptions/pregnancies, one of my cousins asks me about IVF. She's in vet school now, and not ready to start a family until she's done, and is worried that it may be an issue. Partially due to her age, her fiance's age (he's about 10 years older than her I think), and maybe because of something she wasn't saying. At any rate, she asked about it. So we chatted. And as we're talking, a woman (who is married to one of my dad's cousin's kids), turns around and says that she's actually an Embryologist at a clinic in Buffalo. So she was able to help me describe everything for my cousin (did I say I had a few shots of scotch that night?). And my cousin was grateful to have me as a resource in case she does need help. The one thing I did tell her was considering she was worried (and I firmly believe that sometimes we can be worried because there is an underlying reason to worry), that if after 6 months nothing has happened, to insist on being tested. Obviously this is still a ways away (considering she just got engaged). But it was really nice to talk to her about it. I just hope she doesn't need the assistance.

Thirdly-----The baby doll. My mom wanted to take Celia to a place that is like a doll nursery. You go in, pick out a baby doll, and then "adopt" it. The dolls are "lifelike" in that they weigh 8 pounds, and you can even get ones that breathe. Too cool. So my mom wanted to get Celia a baby of her own, so after lunch on Saturday, they took her over to this store. Celia picked a little girl with light reddish brown hair and brown eyes right away. And when asked what to name her, she chose the name "Alligator Seth". My mom convinced her to change the name to "Ally", which I'm glad of. She also promised not to tell me what she wanted to name the baby (yeah, right). At any rate, she has a birth certificate, left the store with pink bracelets around their wrists with names, a reminder slip for her 8 week "appointment for a check-up", and a baby bottle. It was adorable. Celia had carried her around everywhere, and absolutely loves it. What a fun concept. As an interesting aside, my mom told my step brother (who has 2 younger brothers and 1 older brother) what Celia had originally picked for the name, and he laughed and said that he "completely understood".

Of course, that's all I can remember at the moment. I'll post the others later.

way too fast

In the last 2 days, we've had 2 pretty huge steps in Seth's development. First, he's thinking about crawling. He kind of scoots around a little, in order to get where he wants to be. Not quite crawling, but if a toy is on the floor a few feet away that he wants, he somehow makes it there. Yesterday it was a book. He moved about 3 feet to get it. And he started off facing the opposite direction. Needless to say, he'll be moving quickly. Which means the hubby doesn't have much time left to get the carpet pulled up down stairs and replaced before I go ahead and have it done by a flooring company.

Then, there's the sounds. He's been saying "Aaaah" for about 2 months or so...maybe longer. And "Gaaaa". But in the last 2 days, he's added L sounds, M sounds and D sounds to his vocabulary. And sometimes he puts them all together to sound more like "alooaaa" or "gooloo" or "maallaaah". It's really funny to listen to him babble away. I love it!!

Celia also started Pre-K this week. Tuesday was her first day (she missed monday from being sick), and she's loving it! She came home saying how much she loved her new classroom. I was so glad to hear it, considering she really loved her last teacher. By some crazy miracle, she's also managed to stay dry the last few days. No idea why, but I'll take it!!

I've noticed a lot of disappointment when Seth hits these new milestones. I love them, don't get me wrong. And I'm so proud of him. BUT, I am really going to miss his infancy. He's my last baby. I am trying to really treasure all of the moments we have together, and just savor the cuteness. And every new milestone makes another step towards him growing up. While it's fun to see him do new things, I'm really going to miss having an infant in the house. Even when he wakes up at 4 and won't fall asleep until 5:30, only to be woken by Celia 45 minutes later. Yeah, we had a not so fun night last night.

On the plus side, tomorrow afternoon, we leave for Hershey!! My SIL has lived in Harrisburg for 5 years now, and we're finally going to go to Hershey! Celia is so excited, as am I. I went there for a band trip in 10th grade, but that was my only time up there. This should be a lot of fun. I am looking forward to riding some coasters, seeing Celia enjoy the rides she's big enough for, and eating some massive amounts of chocolate. Oh yeah!!!

Learning experience

My aunt's funeral was quite the learning experience. I hadn't been to a Jewish funeral since my uncle JuJu died when I was 13, and I hardly remember anything from that. Most of the service was in hebrew, which I don't understand at all. The problem with stopping hebrew school when you hit age 10 is that you don't learn much of anything. I felt a bit stupid, but got over it pretty quickly. Thankfully the cantor did explain a lot to us (like the fact that we did stop in the procession 7 times), and then we had the opportunity to participate in the actual burial. The shovel was in the mound of dirt, and we had to do it twice, once with the shovel upside down (so you get little dirt- showing hesitance), and then once the right way. After the funeral on Friday, there was a brunch- which was alcohol free- a first for the Jay family. In the evening, we went over to my cousins house (her mom is the one who passed), and had a huge dinner. We lit a candle that will burn for 7 days, did shots of scotch, and then continued to eat and drink heavily for the remainder of the evening.

I did get to spend a lot of time with my dad, grandmother, cousins, and aunt/uncles. My brother and I spend tons of time together too, which was awesome because we've always had an odd relationship. He even took me out for a drink one afternoon while my mom watched the kids. It was really great to just sit and chat. He and my dad haven't spoken since my wedding (over 6 years ago), and he actually spent a good amount of time with all of us as well. Everyone was really great.

It was all heartbreaking though. Seeing my cousin, her dad, and my grandmother filled with grief. Relieved that my aunt isn't suffering anymore, but missing her. I cannot imagine how hard it is to have to bury your child/mother/spouse. I hope I don't have to do any of those ever (or at the very least for a very long time).

Here's a picture of my aunt that was taken last January when we went to Las Vegas. From left to right, we have Ari, Hope, Lauren, my Aunt Debbie, Melissa and me. What a fun trip, and I'm now even more glad that I was able to go. All I have now are fantastic memories of the time we all spent as family, both then, and when I was younger. I'll never forget sitting on the toilet, watching her put her makeup on in the mornings while she got ready. And the times I flew down to Florida when I was on spring break to visit her. The shopping we did together, the great meals we shared. How she got me hooked on scotch sours as an 18 year old at my cousin Melissa's wedding. And how, even when she was very ill, she still managed to send me a birthday card this year, and a gift for Seth when he was born. I'll miss her.

And I'm back

I'll post more when I'm more coherent, but the kids and I are back from Buffalo, safe and sound. I am so glad I was able to go. It was hard, sad, and a long 5 days, but so worth it.

And I will never drive 2 kids myself on an 8 hour trip again. I was tired.

death.

Death SUCKS. My aunt Debbie, who has been battling cancer for over 11 years, passed away last night. She's in a much better place, with no more pain and suffering. I'm really going to miss her. I love you Aunt Debbie.

not herself

Well, after 2 days home, she's still not herself. I have to force her to eat, and she's basically taking up house in the newly-remodeled bathroom, where she's not able to pee all over the house. Her first evening, she peed all over our bed, and the following morning all over Celia's closet and Winnie the Pooh chair. The vet said to put her in one room (bathroom) where she can't ruin anything, and see how a few days of fluids and force feeding goes. She was not happy to hear that she wouldn't eat on her own. I have to take the gerber baby chicken food, and force her mouth open to get her to lick it off.

I am afraid to admit that it is likely the end for my Zoey. If her blood levels aren't doing any better this week, and she's not more herself, we are going to let her go. I will be there with her, and be able to hug and kiss her as she goes to sleep for the last time. I'm devastated and heartbroken.

she's home...

I picked Zoey up tonight, and had a nice chat with the vet. Apparently, after I spoke with her on Tuesday (she was off yesterday and another vet covered her cases), Zoey was doing pretty well. She was perkier, happier, and eating. Wednesday was a different story. It was not great. Her hematocrit levels were low, and are even lower today. She's not eating well again. And, she's been pretty tired. Needless to say, the vet said that she's likely been going down hill for a long time, and we just didn't notice it. I feel horrible for not being proactive when I noticed she was drinking more. And losing weight. It breaks my heart that we could have gotten it earlier, and given her a chance at a longer life. Now, the vet said she's got less than 25% kidney function, which means she has chronic renal failure. That with her anemia, and her loss of appetite, that it's really not a good sign. That maybe we have a few months. I specifically asked if we were talking weeks, months or years, and she said maybe months. I'm going to enjoy every single day I have with her. She's my first baby, and she needs me. I really hope she turns around, and that all the meds help (between the subQ fluids, an appetite stimulant, pep.cid, a supplement paste, something for her anemia, and two other drugs that I can't remember the name of). She's got a little pharmacy.

At least my IVF experience is coming into use. I've got one subQ shot (the one for her hematocrit/anemia), and the subQ fluids that involve needles. They showed me how to do them, and I was able to do her subQ fluids for today. I just went for it, and was comfortable doing it. I then said that I'd had some experience with needles (with IVF), so I know the drill. She asked if I wanted to practice the subQ shot (with an insulin needle), and I said there was no need. Why torture her any more?

Of course, poor kitty peed herself in the cat carrier on the way home. So Nathan had to give her a bath. She really hated that, and has been mad at us all night. Hard to tell if it was her being mad, or just feeling lousy. At least she did eat a tiny bit- it was baby food chicken with one of her drugs mixed into it. I just wish she was herself again. I have a feeling we wont' ever see "Zoey" again like that. Breaks my heart.

Good news and bad news.

Yesterday, I spoke with the vet on the phone, and she said that Zoey was doing much better! She was spunky, eating, and even managed to tear out her IV/catheter. Which is a really good sign that she is feeling better. So I picked Celia up a little early and we went to visit her (the vet said I could if I wanted to, and I asked if it was OK to bring Celia). She looked OK, definitely a bit scared, and not quite herself still, but doing much better. We stayed about 20 minutes, and then we went to get the baby (nice to have the vet RIGHT next door to our day care...we were able to just walk). We knew they would be retesting her levels today, so I expected the vet to call this afternoon.

Well, this morning just after I got out of the shower and was getting dressed the phone rang. I guess they tested her this morning, instead of later, to see how she was since her behavior has been so much better, and she was even rolling over to be petted. Well, her BUN level went from 83 to 87, which is really not good (normal is 10-30). The Createnine went from 8.6 to 7.6 (they want this below 2.4), which is at least in the right direction. And the Phospherous did drop from 10.6 to 6.1 (they want it between 3.4 and 5.8), so again in the right direction. So, they really want to see the Createnine a bit lower, and the BUN level to go down, instead of up. They gave us the option of taking her home today, or leaving her one more day to see if the extra day of fluids helps. I'm crossing everything imaginable that it does help more. She did mention that we'll be doing the SubQ injections 3 times a week, and that when I pick Zoey up, they'll show me how to do it by giving her her first dose.

So it's good, that her mood is up, she's eating, and even a little playful. Not good that her BUN level went up. I have no clue what to think. And I'm so worried about her. But at least things are sort of moving in the right direction, so I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic, which is really hard for me. I tend to prepare for the worst, and am happy with the best, instead of expect the best and prepare for the worst.

One other good thing is that when I am worried about something, I need to keep my hands and mind busy. So I started cleaning our office last night. Again. I started a few months back when I was pregnant, and didn't get very far. But now, I can actually SEE my desk!! Not completely, but there's definitely a good bit of desk space that has been uncovered, and a huge trash bag to show for it.

Not a good month.

Seriously. This is the worst month ever. Between Celia and Seth needing to go to the docs, Nathan's job uncertainty, and now this. I think I may need to run away from home.

When Seth was born, my MIL was down to help. She noticed that one of our cats (Zoey) had been drinking a lot, and we should keep an eye on her. Well, over the last few months, she has been drinking more. And peeing more. And she's lost weight. And yesterday morning, I noticed that she walked away from her food bowl, with about half left. So I called the vet in the afternoon and made an appointment for last night. I assumed that she was likely diabetic. Her weight was up before (nearly 13 pounds), and with the thirst issues, it made sense. So we get her checked out, and they recommend lots of bloodwork, Xrays, and a urine-analysis. They take Zoey back and leave me to wait while they do the tests. After what seemed like forever (which was probably only a half hour), they brought her back and the vet came in a few mins later. With really bad news. Apparently, she has kidney failure. Her kidneys have been failing for a while, and she's not doing well. She's lost 4 pounds (and is now only 8.6 pounds), her kindey enzyme levels are like 4 times what they should be. And she's very anemic. The Xrays showed a few random things, but nothing that is causing the kidney issues (she does have a kidney stone and her hips are really bad). The main problem right now is the kidney failure. So they wanted to keep her for 2-3 days and give her tons of IV fluids to get her hydrated, give her a special renal diet and get her eating again, and watch her other levels (anemia). We'll see how she does. The thing they did say is that it's really about making her live as long as possible and maintaining her kidney function. This will involve daily injections of SubQ fluids, as well as some medications. My poor kitty. I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but she's my favorite cat. When we got her 6 years ago (she's only 6!!), I instantly fell in love and she had to come home with me. I love this cat like crazy. Her sister Trinity (we got them at the same time, but they're from different litters) is lost without her.

So please, if you could send some good thoughts, prayers, vibes my Zoey's way, I'd really appreciate it. I know she's just a cat, but she's my first baby. I really hope she responds to the fluids. Though they did say that we should prepare for the possibility that she may not. I really, really, really want my Zoey to be able to come home.

answers

Well, it looks like Celia has an undeveloped bladder. After asking about a million questions, they came up with the diagnosis. It is a relief, because it means that it really isn't her fault. That she's not doing it on purpose. That she can't help it. It's a huge relief. We're supposed to not put any pressure on her, because it won't help at all. And hopefully in the next year or so, she should outgrow it. Or at least we hope she will. If, come next summer, she's still having accidents, we can start some medications that will help her. But for now, the only thing we really can do is wait it out. And give her a fiber supplement every day so that she does poop daily. The Dr seemed confident that it will at least help a little if one end of her is cleared out, then she can feel the necessary sensation more. Or something like that. After her appointment, I took her to lunch at Mickey D's, and took her to school.

It's definitely been a stressful week between the pulmonologist appointment, Celia's appointment, work, and my husband's job stuff. I sooo am looking forward to this weekend, and I plan to have some nice, big mojitos tonight. And some wine. Because my friend K (who I know from grad school), moved here a bit ago, and she just took the bar exam this week. She's coming over for some dinner, drinks, and relaxation. I can't wait.

urologist

When I picked Celia up yesterday, her teacher told me that she had 2 accidents yesterday while at school. Then she had a few more at home. So, I finally have had enough, and I called in the big guns. I called our pediatricians office, and Dr M called me back. She's fantastic, listened to my concerns, frustrations, and she really congratulated me on trying everything possible. Then she mentioned that it is really worth having her seen by a urologist to make sure there aren't any other underlying issues going on. She said that Childrens has an office in Rockville, and that they have a group there that deals specifically with all issues of the urogenital tract. And we'll find out if we're dealing with a physical or behavioral issue, and we can then treat it. Apparently they have great support, and a great program. So they called and scheduled an appointment for me, tomorrow at 9:30 with one of the pediatric urologists over there. I was impressed with how fast they got us in! When I picked Celia up from day care, I told her teacher what I did, and she was glad. I really hope we'll come up with something that works. We have really tried EVERYTHING I can think of, and nothing has worked so far.

Just great.

And it was signed today. The next few months are not going to be fun.

peaches

Whenever I think about peaches, the song Peaches by the Presidents of the USA. This weekend, we went peach picking, and had a blast! SO many peaches came home with us. And my kitchen smells amazing. It will smell even better after I can or freeze some. Just so yummy!

The highlight of my peach-picking trip was not the actual peach picking (or the aftermath, which involved my arms, neck and chest itching like crazy). It was the drive to the farm. On the way, both Seth and Celia were awake in the back (a miracle because the minute the car gets going, Seth usually falls asleep). So she decided to play "peek-a-boo" with him. And he started laughing. They played the entire way to the farm, and he just kept on laughing. He loves his big sister already, and it's just too cute. And she loves him too. I had tears running down my cheeks as I was driving, and I said something like "this is why I wanted to have 2 kids so badly- they're just so cute!". Then later in the evening, she also played peek-a-boo again with him. And he laughed like crazy. And I tried to play, and he just looked at me like I was nuts. It's Celia's special game to play with him, and he loves it. It was great. I even managed to get a little bit on video, which I'll have to post one of these days if I can ever figure out how.

Upper GI

Seth had his upper-GI today, as well as a airway fluoroscopy. It was really cool to watch, really saw his airway going as he cried, and his lungs working. Then there was the GI part, when they gave him the barium in a bottle. It was incredible to really be able to see him sucking, swallowing, and watch the "food" go down into his belly. Basically there were no surprises at all. He does reflux a bit, but it doesn't go into his airway, which is good. He does have a bit of an issue with sucking, and he tends to aspirate a little into his nasal passageway, but nothing major. This we also knew, because he does spit up out of his nose. After the radiologist appt, we came home for a bit and then saw the pediatric pulmonologist again. Again, he was great. He basically went over what the results were, and what they really meant. Basically as far as his breathing goes, the refluxing is probably not the cause. He doesn't aspirate into his lungs, which is really good news. And he's been refluxing all along, and has only recently been wheezing. The reason he's aspirating a little into his nasal passageway is because of the way he sucks. He needs a little help getting that down right. The plan for this is to thicken his bottles with rice cereal. For each ounce, we use a teaspoon of rice cereal in his bottles, which will help with both the sucking/swallowing issue and his reflux. He goes back in a month to check his breathing. He was definitely wheezing a little as we were sitting there, and the doc listened to his lungs again, and agreed with me on the wheeze. It's thankfully not upsetting him much, which is the best case scenario. And as far as the cats go, for now we don't need to worry. But if he's not getting better after a month or two, we can worry about possibly testing him for allergens by blood draw and see if that gives us any answers. But apparently with babies, allergy testing isn't really very accurate. In the end, he believes that Seth has asthma. Whether it's here for the long run, or will disappear on it's own over the next few months, we don't know. It's a wait and see kind of thing. But he does still get to take his pul.micort every day for now.

only time will tell

Thankfully we should know pretty quickly what's going on with my husband's job. He works for a down-pay.ment ass.istance organization, as a software engineer, so it's not like there will be many out there looking for few jobs. He should be able to find something relatively quickly when the time comes. It just depends on how long they have, how much they have in reserves to keep paying them while they figure out what else they can do to bring money in, and lots of other things i don't know anything about. At any event, there's nothing we can do. And the bill passed in the Ho.use yesterday, so it's on it's way to being put in place. Hopefully Nathan's work will have a meeting today letting everyone know what's really going on. I hope. At least it will be quick, and everything should be set by the time the aug. break happens. Probably.

Of course, I'm a little bummed because IF the housing market wasn't in such bad shape right now, we could sell our house and move back to Buffalo...but since it's a mess, we can't afford to do it. And because the market is such a mess, they're working hard to get this bill into effect. Before, I was hoping that it would happen sooner, so we could make the move. Now it's later, and the market is a mess, and we can't afford to lose out on all of our equity if we were to sell today. Gotta love how things work sometimes.

Fucking shit.

This is bad. Good for some, but VERY bad for my husband. When this passes, his company will be shut down. What the hell are we going to do?

home

Well, we're back. The beach was wonderful! Great weather, lots of fun, nice and warm, and the ocean was perfect. Celia had an absolute blast! I've never seen her have so much fun. And Seth seemed to not mind the heat too much. We thankfully had a tent for the beach that we kept him under most of the time. He took a few naps under it, and went into the ocean a little. Celia loved the ocean too, but was afraid of it. She'd only go in with me or Nathan, and be holding on for her life. But she'd do cartwheels up on the sand where the water came up just a tiny bit. Splashing away. We got some "family" time with just the 4 of us, and spent a little time at the boardwalk. There is a cool sign store on the Boardwalk that makes carved signs. So we got one for each kid, and one for the house. I'll post pics later- I'm really excited about the "family" sign. That was our big souvineer.

Got back around 4:30 yesterday. It took us exactly 3 and a half hours, with a little traffic, but nothing too terrible. Overall it was a great trip, and we'll be going back for sure next year. Only then it will be for a whole week, and will stay in a condo or something.

the beach

We're in Ocean City for the rest of the week/weekend, and it's beautiful! We're in a nice hotel, a block from the beach, and 30-40 minutes from my in-laws at Assateague, where they're camping at the MD state park. We'll be heading over to them at the beach shortly, which Celia is over the moon about. She LOVES the beach and the ocean.

And I'm relaxing. Life is good!

And the verdict appears to be...

Infant asthma. Most likely. We have a upper GI scheduled in 2 weeks, to rule out reflux or other issues. But the Doc we saw was fantastic. He spent a good 20 minutes in the room with us, asking me tons of questions, and listening to my guy. He was thrilled to hear that the wheezing seems to be worrying me and Dr D more than it's upsetting Seth. Apparently that is very good news. So we're to continue the predni.sone until tomorrow (the full 5 day course), and then just use pulm.icort through the nebulizer once a day from now until we see him again (immediately following the upper GI). And see how things are going.

As far as the cats go, he said we'll see how Seth does over the next week. Since we're going away, and won't be around the cats, it would be a good test to see if they are bothering him. But that it may very well be the root of the problem, and we'll talk about that at our next visit. He seemed great. And didn't dismiss any of my concerns, though did make a point of telling me that he'd been practicing for 22 years, and that he'd seen it all. And that I have a very happy and healthy little boy, minus a bit of wheezing. I feel so much better "knowing" what the problem is, and having a plan of how to fix it. Or at least live with it.

Here's my question to you all: Do you have any experience with infant asthma?? Any advice would be great.

fast!

Have I mentioned how much I love Dr. D?? He's amazing (and I'm not just saying that because I have a school-girl crush on him). He got us in to see one of the best Pediatric Pulmonologists in the area! Today at 12:15!! Better get some serious work done in the next 45 minutes!

update

Well, he's absolutely still wheezing. And since we head to the beach on Wednesday morning, I called this morning to see what Dr D would like us to do. He's setting up an appointment with a Pulmonologist as soon as he can get us in, so hopefully next week after we get back. I doubt it will be before we leave. He'll call me back and let me know when the appointment is, and then I'll find out what he'd like us to do with Seth while on our vacation. Continue with meds that aren't helping? Try something else? Who knows. I just want him to breathe easily, and not work for it.

not sure...

I really can't tell if the Predn.isone is helping or not. Sometimes I think yes, absolutely. And others, I hear him wheezing away and wonder if anything will help. I guess I have a few more days to wait it out...but at the same time I need to figure out what to do by Wednesday, because we're off for vacation for 5 days (yeah Ocean City!). I will do whatever I have to. I have everything crossed that it makes a big difference fast. At least Dr D will not make him suffer forever and the next step is seeing a specialist. I really love Dr. D, and their whole practice. Nothing like loving the doctors who have your kids lives in their hands.

Last night was fun. Damascus had their parade, so we went to that and saw fireworks. Before the parade, we went to my friend L's place, and had pizza and let the kids run wild for a bit. There were a few other kids there too. They were all outside playing, and the adults were inside. B, my friend's daughter, came in pouty about not wanting to play outside. A few minutes later, Nathan went outside to check on them, and one kid (someone I'd never met before) has Celia in a toddler swing, and is spinning her around and around, while she was screaming for her to stop. This kid was at least 5, and NOT listening at all. My husband ran over there, and got Celia out of the swing. Of course she's screaming and balling, and he looks at her and her neck has a huge brush burn on it. Apparently she got caught on the chain, and when the girl was twisting her in the swing, it hurt her- thus the screaming to stop. I took her inside and got her cleaned up, and changed (she had peed her self- though this time I completely understood). And I had no clue what really happened because I didn't see it...but the other mom was talking to her daughter about what had happened. Thankfully my friend L yelled at the kid a bit, because her mom wasn't at all. I didn't realize how much Celia got hurt until I changed her- she not only has a huge brushburn on her neck, she's got one on her shoulder, and a chunk of hair got pulled out (right from the swirl on the back of her head). Poor thing, I would have been way more upset than she was. Thankfully she's fine. I just feel horrible.

Phew.

All is clear. The chest Xray was completely clear. I'm sooo relieved!! Dr D put him on Pred.nisone now for 5 days, twice a day. IF this doesn't help, we get to see a "lung doctor" to see what else could be going on. But he really expects that the new drug will make a difference. I'm really hoping. My poor guy has been poked and prodded enough already!

what's worse than the 2ww??

Waiting 4 hours between having your 4 1/2 month old's chest Xray and finding out the results. I'm going out of my mind with worry! Monday when we saw Dr D (who I love!), he said to call him friday and let him know how Seth's breathing has been. If it's getting better, then we're good to go, if not, then we need to figure out what to do next. So I call this morning, and update the nurse, who says she'll let Dr. D know, and that he'll call me back. At 11, my phone rings, and we chat for a few minutes. He decides that the next thing to do is to send Seth for a chest Xray, and that he's faxing the order over immediately and that he'll see us at 4:30 to go over the results. He said that he's definitely concerned that Seth is still wheezing, after 3-4 weeks. And that the meds are only slightly helping. Please let my little boy be OK. Please.

One year later...

I can't believe that one year ago, I had my transfer. Two tiny embryos were transferred, one of which is now my son. It blows my mind every time I look at him, hold him, hear him breathe, cry, or laugh. I was starting to believe that maybe my SIL was right...that maybe I shouldn't have any more kids. Maybe I was a horrible mother and I didn't deserve to have any more children. But I knew in my heart that I was a great mother, and that my daughter was a happy kid. And that I wanted to at least try to do everything I could to give her a sibling. It was such a hard choice to go ahead and do IVF. I had said, less than a year before, that if IUIs didn't work, that I didn't want to go down that road. That if it wasn't working, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Until the insurance company denied our IUIs, and we had no other options. If I didn't at least try, I'd regret it forever. If I didn't at least try, I'd never forgive myself. So, try we did. And we were successful. It still shocks and amazes me.

I remember sitting in my house, after my transfer, on bed rest. Wondering what was going to happen next. Wondering if it would work, or how many more times I could go through it IVF if it didn't. Unsure of what I'd do if it didn't work. Unsure of how it would be if it did. Every night when my husband did the PIO shots, I hoped that it would help things work. At my friend's wedding, I was matron of honor, and it was in a catholic church. I am Jewish, but for some reason I felt compelled to just sit there and pray. Prayed that these babies or baby held on. Prayed that I would come out of this a stronger person. Prayed that I'd have a baby in my arms by this time next year. Prayed that I'd be OK if I didn't. I had never done that before. After the wedding, we went on our vacation, and a few days in, I took my first of several HPTs that came up with two lines. I still remember the feeling when I POAS, set it down, looked at it and thought it was negative. Put picked it up and looked at it in the light and there it was, clear as day...a second line. I remember telling my mom, and having her tell me that it was too early to know for sure...that she hoped it was real, but if it wasn't that she'd be there.

This past year has been both the worst and best of my life. IVF was horrible. And I only had to do it once. I don't know that I could have done it more than once. It took it's toll on me, my husband, and our marriage. It changed me forever. Yet I am so grateful to have my son, and know it never would have been possible without IVF. How something so awful can bring such joy in the end, I'll never fully comprehend.

Now, I sit here. My son is sick and he's sleeping on the sofa. I look at him every few minutes and see him sleeping peacefully. I use his neb, rock him and sing to him while he cries, and do everything I can to make him feel better. Because I'm his mom, and that's my job. I had always wondered if I could ever love another human being as much as I love my daughter. Celia is my pride and joy. And now, that Seth is here, I know the answer to that is absolutely yes. I love my son so much more than I ever thought possible. In such a different way than I love my daughter. They both hold my heart in their hands, and my life would not be the same without either one of them. I am so incredibly lucky to have them, and I look forward to the next years. And every year, around my birthday, I'll remember the day that my son was transferred, and decided to make himself a home.

still sick

This has not been a fun week! Seth has still been wheezing a lot, and we've been using the albuter.ol non-stop without much relief. We went in for his 4 month appointment (a little late, oops) yesterday. He's growing well, but is still laboring to breathe. So the vaccines got put off to next week. The Dr asked if the neb was helping, to which I said not really. Then, he decided to add another medication to the neb, called Pulmi.cort (I think...I don't have it in front of me). This med seems to really be helping.

However, he took a nap yesterday afternoon and woke up with a fever of 102. So Nathan stayed home with him, and I called to see what we should do. The Dr we saw yesterday is in a different office on Tues, so they saw another doc, who said he's likely got a virus (probably Roseola), and we have to wait it out. At least his lungs were clear, as well as his ears. Since he's on antibiotics, it's likely viral. Gotta love day care. Tomorrow I'll be home with him, and we'll see from there. Poor baby. He didn't sleep well last night (which means I didn't sleep much last night either). And his temp was up to 101.5 at the office. I really feel awful when he's sick. It just breaks my heart.