Monday, March 26, 2007

random

So, I went to my OB/GYN this morning, for my 6 month check-up and it was pretty uneventful. He was very optimistic about things, and said that even if we do have to use IVF, that he's optimistic things will work out. I said something about my being lucky, that I do have one child, so if that's all I get, I'll be OK with that and consider other options (like adoption), and he asked me not to resign myself to that yet. I'm only 30, and have plenty of time to try many different things before I have to worry about that. I tend to be negative and not get my hopes up, so if things don't work out, then I'm not completely crushed. Kind of a defense mechanism. I guess I need to work on being more optimistic. I also got my last pap results to send to the RE (the last thing I had to do before my next cycle so we can get started). Now all we have to do is get my hubby checked out (Apr. 12th I think) before next cycle, and we'll be good to go! I do have to get a mammogram as soon as my next cycle starts (to make absolute sure that I'm not pregnant now). Apparently some docs do it when you're 30, and others 35 when you have a family history of breast cancer. I'm glad he brought it up, since I was thinking about it.

My husband was funny this weekend. I asked him where the copy of The Infertility Survival Handbook was. I bought it a few months back, after we had seen the RE and found out (part of) what was going on. It was not at all easy for me to buy. I had it in my amazon.com shopping cart several times, but couldn't bring myself to buy it- I guess I was in denial. So I finally bought it a few months ago and wanted to sit with it again and re-read some parts. He had it on his nightstand, and I got it. I finally told him how hard it was for me to actually buy the book, and he walked over to me and gave me a huge hug. He told me that he had no idea that it was that hard, and that he loved me. It was really sweet. I have a tendancy to not talk about things, or think about things, or let him know how things effect me, until I can't take it and I blow up. I'm trying very hard to be better about that.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

first post.

I'm starting this blog to document our life, dealing with secondary infertility.

My husband and I have been married for 5 years! After a year and a bit of marriage, we decided to try to have a baby. The first month we tried, I got pregnant. It was a relatively easy pregnancy, until I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, and then we found out that the baby was breech. After 38 weeks, I delivered a healthy baby girl by Cesarean section. The second I held that baby girl in my arms, I was completely head over heels in love with her! She's the most amazing part of my life, and we're so lucky to have her! When she was 1 and a half, we decided it was time to start trying for another baby. After about 6 months, I went to see my OB, who was surprised that we were having trouble conceiving again (since the first baby was so easy). He said to try Clomid for a few cycles and see if it helped. I tried it, and the first month led to a 12 week cycle (instead of the 5-8 week cycles I was varying between before). After 10 weeks, I called my OB and asked what I should do. At that point, he referred me to a fertility center in the area.

I had my first appointment with my RE last July. He ordered bloodwork, an HSG, my husband to have a semen analysis, and the day 3 bloodwork and sono. At that point, the initial diagnosis was that I have PCOS (no surprise since I'm overweight, irregular, and had gestational diabetes). Before any treatments, my RE wanted me to see my PCP, to make sure they agreed with the diagnosis and started treating it with metformin. They found out that my fasting blood sugar was elevated, and my triglycerides were high (apparently 2 other signs that I have PCOS). I started out taking 500mg of metformin a day, and eventually worked up to 1500mg. In January I went back to the PCP for some tests and again, the fasting glucose was high, but she didn't want to change anything, so I'm still doing the 1500mg of Metformin through June, then we'll re-evaluate it again.

Anyways! I was waiting for my second insurance to kick in (2 is better than 1), and finally it did. Then we tried to get the authorization, and they came back with questions, so we went in for a follow up last week. The one thing they wanted was my husband to do another semen analysis, which I thought was wierd because after his first one, we never heard anything so we figured all was good in that department. Last Thursday, we went in for the follow-up with the RE. It was then that we found out that his first semen analysis showed only 600,000 per ml. His second was better, but not much better (1.2 million per ml). Now he has to go see a urologist and see if there's a reason why, or if it's fixable. We're going to try several cycles of IUI, provided insurance will cover it with the low sperm count. If it doesn't work, it's on to IVF.

Last summer, when we first realized we had a problem, and found out what it was, I was 99% sure that I did NOT want to even consider IVF. Now, I'm not so sure. If it's the only way we have a chance of conceiving again, then I want to do it. At the same time, I feel so lucky to have one heathly and happy 3 year old. When growing up and thinking about kids, I never even considered the possibility of having only 1 child...I always wanted 3 or 4. I am still trying to wrap my mind around all of this. I don't know how I feel. Sometimes I'm scared, sad, angry that I'm having this trouble, and others I'm so greatful, happy, lucky, and blessed that I have Celia. I have no idea what the next months/years will bring. I hope that writing in this blog will help me to keep track of everything that's happening, and give me an outlet to figure things out.