end of chapter.

Well, I've been thinking about this post for a week, and I'm finally ready to write it.

Over the past few months, we've been getting bills from SG fertility clinic, which I've ignored. I haven't been able to deal with them. Until a few weeks ago. I finally called, and found out that it was the $360 for embryo storage. I think that subconsciously I knew exactly what the bill was for, but wasn't able to deal with it. Monday, I finally grabbed the letter they sent us to sign, made copies of our licenses, and we signed it and got it in the mail. In the back of my head, that last embryo was there as a security blanket. And now it's gone. And I'm OK with that.

On another note, I have been in a funk lately. At first I thought it might just be the holidays, but I don't think it is. I am dealing with a lot right now, between Nathan possibly being out of a job in 2 months, the baby being sick every time I turn around, and being stressed about everything. We do not communicate well. And I've been "acting out" by spending money that I shouldn't be. I talked to my therapist about it on Monday, and we agreed that it is a good idea for Nathan to come with me next time. So she can gauge how things are really going, with my spending, stress level, and work on our communication together. I'm nervous to see how it goes, but I"m sure all will be good.

For now, I'm just sick, exhausted, and about to take a big dose of cough medicine that will knock me out for the night.

ENT

We saw the ENT today, Dr C. She saw him, looked in his ears (where we find that his right ear has fluid in it= thus explaining the fever/crankiness from the last few days), and sent him for hearing tests. Thankfully they came back normal. Except for the one test they do in the hospital when they're born- dont' remember what it's called. But she repeated that. And his left ear is fine, but his right one failed. Due to the fluid in his ears, most likely. Makes a lot of sense. So, after the test, we spoke with the doctor again, and she immediately recommended ear tubes. So after going over the pros/cons, procedure, etc, we scheduled him. So he gets tubes put in on the 3rd of february. And in the mean time, we get to watch out for his fever to spike which would be a sign that he has an actual ear infection now. The fluid is there...just gotta wait for infection to start. Just lovely. That will make 3 weeks between ear infections. And he has been wheezing a bit.

So I bought this stethoscope which came in this week. I have been listening to his lungs every day, to get a feel for what he sounds like, and to train my ears a bit. I used to be an EMT in NY about 14 years ago, so I'm trying to remember what things sound like. The first few days he sounded pretty good, just a little wheeze here and there, but nothing really significant. Then yesterday, there were more of them. Needless to say, he's gotten some albuterol, and I'm keeping a close eye on him. Hoping to avoid an appt with Dr D tomorrow, but we'll see.

great start

2009 is going to be fun. Heh. Seth has another fever. 100.3 this morning. Not high, but higher than I'd like and I can't send him to day care. At least we already have an appt with an ENT tomorrow morning. Curious to see how his ears look.

I did finally order a stethoscope and otoscope though. The stethoscope came in the other day, and I'm working on getting a feel for how he sounds "normal". Otoscope will be here in a few days, thankfully. At least they will help me gauge things a little better.

will it ever end?

My mom and step father came in on Tuesday, so I've been a bit busy with them. Some cooking, some shopping, some fun, and some more sickness. Because it wouldn't be me without mentioning more sickness in one of my posts. Seth is still a bit sick, his stomach was back to normal for a whole 24 hours, and he's started with the runs again. Plus his breathing is turning to crap again. More wheezing, coughing and the like. I feel like a broken record. Luckily Celia is healthy (Knock on wood!). My mom and step father, brother, SIL, DH, the kids and I went to dinner last night, which was fun. I had my favorite thing from Macaroni Grill, the honey balsamic chicken, and a few glasses of their house chianti. Everyone else ate different things, but all were yummy. This morning we were all supposed to go to have portraits taken, and my mom called saying that she and my step father were sick. Stomach viruses, sour stomach with the fever/chills, head ache, weakness, etc. So they ended up leaving today and heading home (though only made it 1/3 of the way home because they were feeling too sick), while the rest of us had breakfast (salami and eggs- a family favorite!) and then went for pics. It was awesome! A woman I knew from work had recommended a photographer to us (she is one too, but on break for a few months), so we went to his home and had some pics taken. He took a ton of them, all different combinations of us. Some of the kids by themselves, together, then some of me with the kids, me with each one, all 4 of us, then some of my bro and his wife, some of me and my bro, some of my bro, his wife and the kids, etc. It was fantastic! I can't wait to see them. I was initially a bit worried because the baby didn't get his morning nap in, but thankfully he was happy, and ended up having a blast. The photos will be online in a day or two, and I can't wait to see them!!

Here's to hoping the rest of the weekend is great, and the baby feels better. My bro and SIL have some friends in town too, so we won't see them again. We have the weekend to our selves, and can rest and get some things done. Ended up at The Container Store yesterday and I picked up a new unit for the pantry. We had a nice over the door thing with slots on it, that the previous owners had put on, but it was cheap and kept banging when we opened the door. So I got a nice elfa system for it. I can't wait to install it!

New Years Eve was nice, I made a standing rib roast with a currant gravy, that was fabulous. After my mom and step dad left for their hotel, we went to a neighbors house for a party. Then I came home with the baby at 9:30, and the hubby and Celia stayed out til 12:30 (don't get me started on him keeping her out that late= I'm still really pissed about that). I just chilled out and watched some reruns of Friends on the Tivo, and went to bed after I realized they wouldn't be home before midnight. Anyway, it was fun. It was great to see my mom and step father, and spend some time with my brother and his wife today/yesterday. Now I"m ready to drop, and will do so shortly. Tonight Celia and I having a sleepover in the office/guest room. Some good, quality mommy/daughter time will be had! I can't wait.