urologist

When I picked Celia up yesterday, her teacher told me that she had 2 accidents yesterday while at school. Then she had a few more at home. So, I finally have had enough, and I called in the big guns. I called our pediatricians office, and Dr M called me back. She's fantastic, listened to my concerns, frustrations, and she really congratulated me on trying everything possible. Then she mentioned that it is really worth having her seen by a urologist to make sure there aren't any other underlying issues going on. She said that Childrens has an office in Rockville, and that they have a group there that deals specifically with all issues of the urogenital tract. And we'll find out if we're dealing with a physical or behavioral issue, and we can then treat it. Apparently they have great support, and a great program. So they called and scheduled an appointment for me, tomorrow at 9:30 with one of the pediatric urologists over there. I was impressed with how fast they got us in! When I picked Celia up from day care, I told her teacher what I did, and she was glad. I really hope we'll come up with something that works. We have really tried EVERYTHING I can think of, and nothing has worked so far.

Just great.

And it was signed today. The next few months are not going to be fun.

peaches

Whenever I think about peaches, the song Peaches by the Presidents of the USA. This weekend, we went peach picking, and had a blast! SO many peaches came home with us. And my kitchen smells amazing. It will smell even better after I can or freeze some. Just so yummy!

The highlight of my peach-picking trip was not the actual peach picking (or the aftermath, which involved my arms, neck and chest itching like crazy). It was the drive to the farm. On the way, both Seth and Celia were awake in the back (a miracle because the minute the car gets going, Seth usually falls asleep). So she decided to play "peek-a-boo" with him. And he started laughing. They played the entire way to the farm, and he just kept on laughing. He loves his big sister already, and it's just too cute. And she loves him too. I had tears running down my cheeks as I was driving, and I said something like "this is why I wanted to have 2 kids so badly- they're just so cute!". Then later in the evening, she also played peek-a-boo again with him. And he laughed like crazy. And I tried to play, and he just looked at me like I was nuts. It's Celia's special game to play with him, and he loves it. It was great. I even managed to get a little bit on video, which I'll have to post one of these days if I can ever figure out how.

Upper GI

Seth had his upper-GI today, as well as a airway fluoroscopy. It was really cool to watch, really saw his airway going as he cried, and his lungs working. Then there was the GI part, when they gave him the barium in a bottle. It was incredible to really be able to see him sucking, swallowing, and watch the "food" go down into his belly. Basically there were no surprises at all. He does reflux a bit, but it doesn't go into his airway, which is good. He does have a bit of an issue with sucking, and he tends to aspirate a little into his nasal passageway, but nothing major. This we also knew, because he does spit up out of his nose. After the radiologist appt, we came home for a bit and then saw the pediatric pulmonologist again. Again, he was great. He basically went over what the results were, and what they really meant. Basically as far as his breathing goes, the refluxing is probably not the cause. He doesn't aspirate into his lungs, which is really good news. And he's been refluxing all along, and has only recently been wheezing. The reason he's aspirating a little into his nasal passageway is because of the way he sucks. He needs a little help getting that down right. The plan for this is to thicken his bottles with rice cereal. For each ounce, we use a teaspoon of rice cereal in his bottles, which will help with both the sucking/swallowing issue and his reflux. He goes back in a month to check his breathing. He was definitely wheezing a little as we were sitting there, and the doc listened to his lungs again, and agreed with me on the wheeze. It's thankfully not upsetting him much, which is the best case scenario. And as far as the cats go, for now we don't need to worry. But if he's not getting better after a month or two, we can worry about possibly testing him for allergens by blood draw and see if that gives us any answers. But apparently with babies, allergy testing isn't really very accurate. In the end, he believes that Seth has asthma. Whether it's here for the long run, or will disappear on it's own over the next few months, we don't know. It's a wait and see kind of thing. But he does still get to take his pul.micort every day for now.

only time will tell

Thankfully we should know pretty quickly what's going on with my husband's job. He works for a down-pay.ment ass.istance organization, as a software engineer, so it's not like there will be many out there looking for few jobs. He should be able to find something relatively quickly when the time comes. It just depends on how long they have, how much they have in reserves to keep paying them while they figure out what else they can do to bring money in, and lots of other things i don't know anything about. At any event, there's nothing we can do. And the bill passed in the Ho.use yesterday, so it's on it's way to being put in place. Hopefully Nathan's work will have a meeting today letting everyone know what's really going on. I hope. At least it will be quick, and everything should be set by the time the aug. break happens. Probably.

Of course, I'm a little bummed because IF the housing market wasn't in such bad shape right now, we could sell our house and move back to Buffalo...but since it's a mess, we can't afford to do it. And because the market is such a mess, they're working hard to get this bill into effect. Before, I was hoping that it would happen sooner, so we could make the move. Now it's later, and the market is a mess, and we can't afford to lose out on all of our equity if we were to sell today. Gotta love how things work sometimes.

Fucking shit.

This is bad. Good for some, but VERY bad for my husband. When this passes, his company will be shut down. What the hell are we going to do?

home

Well, we're back. The beach was wonderful! Great weather, lots of fun, nice and warm, and the ocean was perfect. Celia had an absolute blast! I've never seen her have so much fun. And Seth seemed to not mind the heat too much. We thankfully had a tent for the beach that we kept him under most of the time. He took a few naps under it, and went into the ocean a little. Celia loved the ocean too, but was afraid of it. She'd only go in with me or Nathan, and be holding on for her life. But she'd do cartwheels up on the sand where the water came up just a tiny bit. Splashing away. We got some "family" time with just the 4 of us, and spent a little time at the boardwalk. There is a cool sign store on the Boardwalk that makes carved signs. So we got one for each kid, and one for the house. I'll post pics later- I'm really excited about the "family" sign. That was our big souvineer.

Got back around 4:30 yesterday. It took us exactly 3 and a half hours, with a little traffic, but nothing too terrible. Overall it was a great trip, and we'll be going back for sure next year. Only then it will be for a whole week, and will stay in a condo or something.

the beach

We're in Ocean City for the rest of the week/weekend, and it's beautiful! We're in a nice hotel, a block from the beach, and 30-40 minutes from my in-laws at Assateague, where they're camping at the MD state park. We'll be heading over to them at the beach shortly, which Celia is over the moon about. She LOVES the beach and the ocean.

And I'm relaxing. Life is good!

And the verdict appears to be...

Infant asthma. Most likely. We have a upper GI scheduled in 2 weeks, to rule out reflux or other issues. But the Doc we saw was fantastic. He spent a good 20 minutes in the room with us, asking me tons of questions, and listening to my guy. He was thrilled to hear that the wheezing seems to be worrying me and Dr D more than it's upsetting Seth. Apparently that is very good news. So we're to continue the predni.sone until tomorrow (the full 5 day course), and then just use pulm.icort through the nebulizer once a day from now until we see him again (immediately following the upper GI). And see how things are going.

As far as the cats go, he said we'll see how Seth does over the next week. Since we're going away, and won't be around the cats, it would be a good test to see if they are bothering him. But that it may very well be the root of the problem, and we'll talk about that at our next visit. He seemed great. And didn't dismiss any of my concerns, though did make a point of telling me that he'd been practicing for 22 years, and that he'd seen it all. And that I have a very happy and healthy little boy, minus a bit of wheezing. I feel so much better "knowing" what the problem is, and having a plan of how to fix it. Or at least live with it.

Here's my question to you all: Do you have any experience with infant asthma?? Any advice would be great.

fast!

Have I mentioned how much I love Dr. D?? He's amazing (and I'm not just saying that because I have a school-girl crush on him). He got us in to see one of the best Pediatric Pulmonologists in the area! Today at 12:15!! Better get some serious work done in the next 45 minutes!

update

Well, he's absolutely still wheezing. And since we head to the beach on Wednesday morning, I called this morning to see what Dr D would like us to do. He's setting up an appointment with a Pulmonologist as soon as he can get us in, so hopefully next week after we get back. I doubt it will be before we leave. He'll call me back and let me know when the appointment is, and then I'll find out what he'd like us to do with Seth while on our vacation. Continue with meds that aren't helping? Try something else? Who knows. I just want him to breathe easily, and not work for it.

not sure...

I really can't tell if the Predn.isone is helping or not. Sometimes I think yes, absolutely. And others, I hear him wheezing away and wonder if anything will help. I guess I have a few more days to wait it out...but at the same time I need to figure out what to do by Wednesday, because we're off for vacation for 5 days (yeah Ocean City!). I will do whatever I have to. I have everything crossed that it makes a big difference fast. At least Dr D will not make him suffer forever and the next step is seeing a specialist. I really love Dr. D, and their whole practice. Nothing like loving the doctors who have your kids lives in their hands.

Last night was fun. Damascus had their parade, so we went to that and saw fireworks. Before the parade, we went to my friend L's place, and had pizza and let the kids run wild for a bit. There were a few other kids there too. They were all outside playing, and the adults were inside. B, my friend's daughter, came in pouty about not wanting to play outside. A few minutes later, Nathan went outside to check on them, and one kid (someone I'd never met before) has Celia in a toddler swing, and is spinning her around and around, while she was screaming for her to stop. This kid was at least 5, and NOT listening at all. My husband ran over there, and got Celia out of the swing. Of course she's screaming and balling, and he looks at her and her neck has a huge brush burn on it. Apparently she got caught on the chain, and when the girl was twisting her in the swing, it hurt her- thus the screaming to stop. I took her inside and got her cleaned up, and changed (she had peed her self- though this time I completely understood). And I had no clue what really happened because I didn't see it...but the other mom was talking to her daughter about what had happened. Thankfully my friend L yelled at the kid a bit, because her mom wasn't at all. I didn't realize how much Celia got hurt until I changed her- she not only has a huge brushburn on her neck, she's got one on her shoulder, and a chunk of hair got pulled out (right from the swirl on the back of her head). Poor thing, I would have been way more upset than she was. Thankfully she's fine. I just feel horrible.

Phew.

All is clear. The chest Xray was completely clear. I'm sooo relieved!! Dr D put him on Pred.nisone now for 5 days, twice a day. IF this doesn't help, we get to see a "lung doctor" to see what else could be going on. But he really expects that the new drug will make a difference. I'm really hoping. My poor guy has been poked and prodded enough already!

what's worse than the 2ww??

Waiting 4 hours between having your 4 1/2 month old's chest Xray and finding out the results. I'm going out of my mind with worry! Monday when we saw Dr D (who I love!), he said to call him friday and let him know how Seth's breathing has been. If it's getting better, then we're good to go, if not, then we need to figure out what to do next. So I call this morning, and update the nurse, who says she'll let Dr. D know, and that he'll call me back. At 11, my phone rings, and we chat for a few minutes. He decides that the next thing to do is to send Seth for a chest Xray, and that he's faxing the order over immediately and that he'll see us at 4:30 to go over the results. He said that he's definitely concerned that Seth is still wheezing, after 3-4 weeks. And that the meds are only slightly helping. Please let my little boy be OK. Please.

One year later...

I can't believe that one year ago, I had my transfer. Two tiny embryos were transferred, one of which is now my son. It blows my mind every time I look at him, hold him, hear him breathe, cry, or laugh. I was starting to believe that maybe my SIL was right...that maybe I shouldn't have any more kids. Maybe I was a horrible mother and I didn't deserve to have any more children. But I knew in my heart that I was a great mother, and that my daughter was a happy kid. And that I wanted to at least try to do everything I could to give her a sibling. It was such a hard choice to go ahead and do IVF. I had said, less than a year before, that if IUIs didn't work, that I didn't want to go down that road. That if it wasn't working, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Until the insurance company denied our IUIs, and we had no other options. If I didn't at least try, I'd regret it forever. If I didn't at least try, I'd never forgive myself. So, try we did. And we were successful. It still shocks and amazes me.

I remember sitting in my house, after my transfer, on bed rest. Wondering what was going to happen next. Wondering if it would work, or how many more times I could go through it IVF if it didn't. Unsure of what I'd do if it didn't work. Unsure of how it would be if it did. Every night when my husband did the PIO shots, I hoped that it would help things work. At my friend's wedding, I was matron of honor, and it was in a catholic church. I am Jewish, but for some reason I felt compelled to just sit there and pray. Prayed that these babies or baby held on. Prayed that I would come out of this a stronger person. Prayed that I'd have a baby in my arms by this time next year. Prayed that I'd be OK if I didn't. I had never done that before. After the wedding, we went on our vacation, and a few days in, I took my first of several HPTs that came up with two lines. I still remember the feeling when I POAS, set it down, looked at it and thought it was negative. Put picked it up and looked at it in the light and there it was, clear as day...a second line. I remember telling my mom, and having her tell me that it was too early to know for sure...that she hoped it was real, but if it wasn't that she'd be there.

This past year has been both the worst and best of my life. IVF was horrible. And I only had to do it once. I don't know that I could have done it more than once. It took it's toll on me, my husband, and our marriage. It changed me forever. Yet I am so grateful to have my son, and know it never would have been possible without IVF. How something so awful can bring such joy in the end, I'll never fully comprehend.

Now, I sit here. My son is sick and he's sleeping on the sofa. I look at him every few minutes and see him sleeping peacefully. I use his neb, rock him and sing to him while he cries, and do everything I can to make him feel better. Because I'm his mom, and that's my job. I had always wondered if I could ever love another human being as much as I love my daughter. Celia is my pride and joy. And now, that Seth is here, I know the answer to that is absolutely yes. I love my son so much more than I ever thought possible. In such a different way than I love my daughter. They both hold my heart in their hands, and my life would not be the same without either one of them. I am so incredibly lucky to have them, and I look forward to the next years. And every year, around my birthday, I'll remember the day that my son was transferred, and decided to make himself a home.

still sick

This has not been a fun week! Seth has still been wheezing a lot, and we've been using the albuter.ol non-stop without much relief. We went in for his 4 month appointment (a little late, oops) yesterday. He's growing well, but is still laboring to breathe. So the vaccines got put off to next week. The Dr asked if the neb was helping, to which I said not really. Then, he decided to add another medication to the neb, called Pulmi.cort (I think...I don't have it in front of me). This med seems to really be helping.

However, he took a nap yesterday afternoon and woke up with a fever of 102. So Nathan stayed home with him, and I called to see what we should do. The Dr we saw yesterday is in a different office on Tues, so they saw another doc, who said he's likely got a virus (probably Roseola), and we have to wait it out. At least his lungs were clear, as well as his ears. Since he's on antibiotics, it's likely viral. Gotta love day care. Tomorrow I'll be home with him, and we'll see from there. Poor baby. He didn't sleep well last night (which means I didn't sleep much last night either). And his temp was up to 101.5 at the office. I really feel awful when he's sick. It just breaks my heart.

better?

I think Seth is doing better. At least his mood is better, and he's sleeping better, so I call that a win! He went back to day care today, since they're able to use the nebulizer for him. He got one treatment while at day care today, and another when we got him home. Of course he passed out before I could do one more before bed, so my husband will have to do it in the middle of the night when he wakes up. Poor baby is still wheezing like crazy. And it's hard to know when to worry. When he gets upset or cranky, he wheezes more. But then again, sitting in his swing or bouncer, or on his mat, he still wheezes even when he's playing quietly. Even an hour after the al.buterol, he's still wheezing. His Pediatrician said to call if it got worse...but what is worse? It's really about what it has been for at least a week and a half to two weeks now. Maybe I'll call tomorrow. Though he does have an appointment on monday, so maybe I'll just wait. I hate this! I am always worried about wasting the Drs time. I know it's silly, but I really do worry about that.

Work has been crazy. The last few nights I've been up til at least 10 working. But since I stayed home monday and tuesday, I did have work to make up, and make sure I didn't have to take any actual time off. Especially because if I do take time off, I will be a few hours short on time for our mini-vacation at the beach in 2 weeks. 5 days at the beach, and I can't wait! I so need the break! And, its' a long weekend this weekend, so I'm really excited! I'm hoping to finally prime and paint the bathroom, so I can post pics of our new bathroom!

Celia has hit a milestone- 2 days in a row dry!!! I'm over the moon with excitement, and am really hoping that she's starting to come around. My fingers are crossed. That's 4 days in the last 2 weeks! This is the best she's done in nearly 5 months.

I need sleep...I'm exhausted. I've been working on this post about how it feels to be 1 year past transfer, but it's emotionally draining, so it's taking me some time. Hopefully this weekend I'll find a block of time and just hammer it out.

sick.

Seth is sick. Sunday night, I should have figured out that something was going on when around 10PM, he was still awake. And cranky. My usually very content baby was irritable. So Monday morning when he woke up and felt warm, I knew why he was cranky the night before. While he was warm, his temp wasn't too high, so I figured I'd keep him home and monitor him to see how he was doing. No sense in taking him to day care, only to have them call me an hour later to pick him up. So I took a shower and went back and forth on whether to take him to the doc. Then I remembered a skype chat I had had with Nathan last week, where I told him that I was mildly concerned about Seth's breathing. He had been congested for a few weeks, and almost sounded like he was wheezing. But of course, with work, and other things, I didn't hear it again, so I never took him. After I showered I asked Nathan what he thought, and said that if I was keeping him home, there was no harm in getting him checked out. So I did. And I am SO glad that I did.

Apparently, Seth has an ear infection in his left ear. Which the Dr had to clean out because it was too waxy to even see in there. Definitely infected. And as he's examining him, he's asking me "how long has he been breathing like this?", to which I say probably for about a week or so...maybe longer, but not consistently. Yeah, he's definitely wheezing. A lot. And you can see him working to breathe in his abdomen. So he set us up with a nebulizer in the office, gave him a dose of al.buterol, and then listened again. Thankfully the wheezing had gotten better, so he sent us home with a script for antibiotics for the ear and al.buterol for the neb (which we already have one of from Celia's bouts with croup). So far his mood has been a bit better at times, a bit worse at times. And his breathing is still not great. In fact, I'm off to use the neb again. At least I now know that he weighs 15.8 pounds. When did that happen?! And we go back next monday for his 4 month check up (yeah...a little late, kind of forgot to call until right before his 4 month birthday), and to talk about his breathing. Probably get him tested and stuff. Poor baby.