Full speed ahead.

Ever since we got the phone call from my nurse on thursday, my head has been spinning. I'm SO excited to get started, but at the same time I'm freaking out. I had to run home over lunch to grab my marriage certificate to fax to the financial person to get the insurance authorization, and at the same time I went by the pharmacy and picked up the birth control pills. Friday was my night off, I went to a spinning group (yes...not only do I knit, I spin too) in Baltimore with Jody and Sarah. I can't tell you how much I needed that! I do appologize for being so quiet- I had so much going through my head. But it was so much fun, and I can't wait to go again!

Anyway, while we were at dinner, I took my first bcp. It is definitely wierd taking a birth control pill when trying to get pregnant. The one thing I forgot, was how my body reacts to starting birth control. I'm exhausted, and I have a migrane and upset stomach (from the migrane). I haven't had a migrane in ages!! And on a sunday- when I have shopping, and errands to run, and want to be planting the veggie plants we bought yesterday.

Yesterday afternoon after planting some flowers and herbs, the mail came. With a HUGE envelope, containing the protocols for IVF, and our schedule. I came inside, layed down and read it all through, then took a nap. We went through the online 'webinar' on IVF that our clinic has (you either have to go in person, or do it online). The only sucky thing, is that I'll start the GonalF injections on May 21st (if all goes well, of course). The problem here is that I'm supposed to go up to Buffalo May 25-28th for my best friend's bachelorette party. I'm matron of honor in the wedding, and it looks like I'm going to have to miss it. I'm so bummed!! I'm going to try to go up for 1 day that weekend, but I'm not holding my breath. Thank goodness the cycle will be well over by the wedding. I'll either be pregnant, or dealing with a failed cycle. And I'm terrifed of getting the dress altered now, knowing weight gain can be an issue.

Anyway...I'm going to go back to lay down and watch some Gilmore Girls, drink some tea, and knit a bit.

fast!

Ok...so I heard back from my nurse (who I will now call D). Since timing is apparently perfect, I get to start birth control pills tomorrow! I get the mock embryo transfer on next friday, and then have a consultation with my RE. We get to take an online "course" this week so we don't have to wait for a seminar, and she just submitted to our financial coordinator to get authorization for the IVF-ICSI. And for the first time, I dont' have to wait 3 weeks to get in to see the RE. He had a spot on next friday available so I snatched it up. It feels so good to be moving forward!

Phew.

Well, we met with DrF, the urologist this morning! He said all of hubby's bloodwork was normal, and that the sono-report was all good! He isn't convinced by it, and wants hubby to do another one tomorrow in his office with his favorite tech, so we'll see how it goes. But, on the plus side, he said he was going to reccommend that we go ahead with IVF-ICSI. That the vericoseal is probably small, and that fixing it isn't a priority.

I've got a call into my nurse at the REs office, and we'll hopefully find out how to proceed now.

ok.

Since part of this blog is for me to keep track of things, I got AF today. So today is day 1 of my next cycle. And it's a wasted cycle, since we weren't able to get into the Urologist until thursday. At least it gives us time to see him, go back to my RE, and come up with a final plan that we'll use. Apparently this month I didn't feel the cramp (I get a nasty cramp that lasts about a day when I ovulate). That is all. Now off to finish the kiddo's bath.

Very productive

While I've been in the "hurry up and wait" period before finding out the results of hubby's karyotyping, ultrasound and other bloodwork on thursday, I've been very productive! I got my laundry room all ready for me to take it over and start dyeing yarn. I had so much fun, I think I might do it more often, and even list some of it in my etsy store. I also finished up 2 pairs of socks, and worked a bit on some more. Plus cleaned part of the kitchen, did some other tidying, and played LOTS with Celia. Saturday was spent with a friend who has 2 kids, and they all had a blast! It was the perfect day, she was such a good girl! I am not sure if she knew it or not, but I really needed a good mommy-Celia day.

At least it's been keeping me busy, and I haven't had much time to really analyze things too much. I really do love to over-analyze and research everything completely before I even know what's going on. This time, I've done very little of that. I don't want to walk in there prepared and knowing everything about whatever the guy is going to throw at me. Right now, I want to just have my head in the clouds and have fun. I'll worry about everything else on Thursday afternoon. Until then...it's all about the fun!

So...how convincing did that sound?! I'm really trying here!! This waiting is hard!! ;)

And now we wait.

Yesterday my hubby went in for his ultrasound (the tech said everything looked normal), and his bloodwork (some hormones and karyotyping). I looked at the films last night, which was a little weird, but at least it's done with. We have an appt. next week with the Urologist to go over the results, and so he can meet me. I'm definitely curious to find out what he says. Does my hubby need a surgery to fix something? Does he need different supplements? Or hormones? Or do we just jump straight to IVF? I'm finally getting comfortable with the possibility that we might have to use IVF, and we have to wait again. And of course, as my luck would have it, my cycle is off this "month". Usually, I get a nasty cramp 4 weeks after my period, which they tell me is ovulation, and get a period 16 days later. I have yet to get the cramp, and it's been almost 5 weeks. So frustrating!!

hubby's turn

Well, today was my hubby's turn to get checked out. He went to see a urologist this morning. I figured it was his thing, that it wasn't necessary for me to go, and apparently the doc does want to meet me. So next time I get to go. He has an ultrasound scheduled for Monday, so we'll see if anything is up then. That and some bloodwork. I was hoping to have time to sit and talk a bit tonight, but since my husband had a lunch meeting and a dinner meeting, and he still isn't home (it's almost 10), that isn't going to happen. He did call me after it was over and pick me up to go sit over coffee for a few minutes. He told me what the doc said (nothing much), and definitely stressed how he wants to meet me. I thought it was a little odd, but i guess it makes sense. Apparently he really wants to know where I am mentally in all this. How long I want to really wait before trying, how long we want to give things a chance to work before throwing in the towel and just doing IVF. Questions I hadn't really thought about. It was funny- I actually almost started crying in the middle of Panera. I think it was when he said something about how he keeps hoping that it will be something minor and easily fixable, and then I'll just get pregnant- forgetting that I'm half of the reason we're not conceiving. That that part will just go away once he's all ok. I guess I'm just a little sensitive right now. I'm so glad the weekend is almost here. Just 1 more day to go.

one step at a time

This week is when the hubby goes in to see the Urologist. I'm not sure what to expect to learn from this, but I guess it's one more step we need to do before we can go ahead with the IVF. Or IUI if the problem is easily correctable.

Last weekend I had the chance to sit and talk with my mom about everything, and let her know where we're at. I don't think she really understands how I feel, which I guess I was hoping for. All she could tell me is that things don't always work out the way we expect- she always wanted loads of kids and had to stop after 2 (life threatening miscarriage stopped them from trying for more). Then she went on to tell me that I should be happy with what I have, and maybe there's a reason why we haven't been able to have another baby. AKA...I am too heavy to have another baby (yet I'm at the EXACT same weight I was at when I conceived Celia). I think that unless I weighed 120, she'd feel that way. Anyway, she doesn't understand why we'd even want to think about IVF when we have one healthy and happy little girl. Needless to say I didn't say much after that conversation. I wasn't sure what to say without getting upset, so I just focused on visiting with friends and some more family. Thankfully I had Celia with me, so she was a good distraction.

I guess part of me does feel that way- why push it when I already have 1 child?? I'm so lucky to have her! Maybe we're only meant to have 1 child. Maybe there's a reason why we have had so much trouble getting pregnant this time. Then again, maybe not! I don't give up without a fight, and I"m not going to at least try to do everything in my power before giving up. I always thought that if I had kids, it would be 3 or 4. And I won't stop trying until we've at least tried some intervention. Now that we know there's a real problem, and the doctors I've spoken to have all been incredibly optimistic, I want to see what we can do here! Trying to be optimistic is so hard when I have no idea what to expect.