one step at a time

This week is when the hubby goes in to see the Urologist. I'm not sure what to expect to learn from this, but I guess it's one more step we need to do before we can go ahead with the IVF. Or IUI if the problem is easily correctable.

Last weekend I had the chance to sit and talk with my mom about everything, and let her know where we're at. I don't think she really understands how I feel, which I guess I was hoping for. All she could tell me is that things don't always work out the way we expect- she always wanted loads of kids and had to stop after 2 (life threatening miscarriage stopped them from trying for more). Then she went on to tell me that I should be happy with what I have, and maybe there's a reason why we haven't been able to have another baby. AKA...I am too heavy to have another baby (yet I'm at the EXACT same weight I was at when I conceived Celia). I think that unless I weighed 120, she'd feel that way. Anyway, she doesn't understand why we'd even want to think about IVF when we have one healthy and happy little girl. Needless to say I didn't say much after that conversation. I wasn't sure what to say without getting upset, so I just focused on visiting with friends and some more family. Thankfully I had Celia with me, so she was a good distraction.

I guess part of me does feel that way- why push it when I already have 1 child?? I'm so lucky to have her! Maybe we're only meant to have 1 child. Maybe there's a reason why we have had so much trouble getting pregnant this time. Then again, maybe not! I don't give up without a fight, and I"m not going to at least try to do everything in my power before giving up. I always thought that if I had kids, it would be 3 or 4. And I won't stop trying until we've at least tried some intervention. Now that we know there's a real problem, and the doctors I've spoken to have all been incredibly optimistic, I want to see what we can do here! Trying to be optimistic is so hard when I have no idea what to expect.