Monday, May 12, 2008


Yup, I'm back in therapy. The October after I had Celia, I started feeling out of control, like I was losing my mind, and I was just not happy. At all. I'd cry at the drop of a hat, nothing I did made me happy, and I noticed that I was spending less time with Celia (leaving her at daycare after I got home from work). I remember calling my GPs office at that point, and I saw the nurse practitioner, who gave me the name of a therapist, and a prescription for Lex.apro.

This time, I knew what signs to look for. And this time, they were all different. I have been off, definitely sad. I have a tendency to spend money when I'm in a funk (buying new things makes me happy). But now it isn't helping. I've been crying a lot when watching TV, and so focused on tomorrow's date that I can't think of much else. The anxiety surrounding going back to work has been horrible. I have not been myself for at least 6 weeks, but I didn't think much of it. Until last week when the anxiety kicked in big time. So I found my insurance company's website and found a few therapists to call. The first one I called, referred me to someone else, who deals with PPD and other related issues frequently. So I called there and made an appointment. I was going to call a few others, but it turns out that the person I spoke with on the phone was the person I'd be seeing, and I really felt comfortable talking with her over the phone. So I decided to wait until after my appointment to call others if necessary. I saw N on Wednesday morning, and she is fantastic. We talked for over an hour and a half, and I left feeling like a weight had lifted. One thing I was stressing over was wether or not to take the Lex.apro again. I have had the bottle sitting in my purse since I saw my GP in March. And I keep looking at it and wondering if I needed it or not. N and I both decided that it would be a good idea to start it now, since it takes a bit to take effect, and the anxiety is getting worse. We talked about my history, nearly everything that I could think of to give her a good picture of who I am and why I was there. It felt great to talk to someone who offered insight on things. I'll be seeing her again this week (and every week for a bit), and I'm looking forward to it. I've been anxious since I can remember, and it will be nice to get a hold on it. And of course, depression makes the anxiety even more harder to control.