He passed!

Friday, I had to take Seth back to the hospital to repeat his hearing test (that he failed several times while he was still in the hospital after he was born). He had finally passed in his right ear before we were discharged, but never passed the left ear. So yesterday was the retest. It was nice that they let me watch (since before he was just taken to the room and brought back without us having a clue what was going on). The good news is that he did pass in both ears! I'm so relieved. I wasn't surprised, since he would wake up every morning when Nathan takes a shower and is up making noise. And he reacts to loud noises. But you never know!

He's still not nursing, which is no surprise at this point. I'm going to stop pumping over the next 4 weeks, since the thing that was really important to me was getting him through the first month or two. It's really frustrating trying to arrange my whole day around when I need to pump. And it's not exactly the most pleasant thing in the world. And it's just a reminder that he won't latch on, which is just really affecting me more than I'd like to admit.

I did also go see my GP the other day, which was good. I know I need a physical after having the baby, considering my triglycerides had been high, but they couldn't treat them when I was TTC or pregnant. And I wanted to talk to her about PPD, and see when I needed to be worried and ask about seeing a therapist. First I need to say how much I love this doctor! She's fantastic. She's been there (with IF) and totally gets it. She gave me some tips on finding a good therapist, and told me to make several appointments so if I don't like the first one, I don't have to wait for another initial appt with a second one. And she sent over a script for Lex.apro to the pharmacy for me. She did say that if I decide to start it (it's totally up to me), that I should come in within a week. But that it's there for me if/when I feel like I need it. Takes one step away from the process, which I really do appreciate. So I'm going to make a few calls on Monday and find a therapist. I did pick up the perscription when I was grocery shopping today, so it is in the house. Hopefully that will mean I won't need it. But we'll see. I am already getting extremely anxious about starting back at work (and I have 6 weeks left!).

The other thing I did yesterday was order the tile for our bathroom! It was NOT cheap, but I'm in love with it. If it was our bathroom, I would have gone with something different for the border, but it is the kids bathroom, so I showed some restraint. I also picked up the paint for our bathroom, which I will hopefully get done this week. I'll post pics of the tile when I get them off my camera tonight.

STILL no progress

Just a quick update on how nursing is going. Or I should say isn't going. The boy is very stubborn (not that I'm surprised), and he still refuses to latch on. I haven't gotten him on at all since he was about 10 days old, and that was only once. It's definitely discouraging, and I'm noticing that I'm not trying to get him to latch on nearly as much as I was in the beginning. It's just easier to pump and feed him from a bottle than to spend a half hour fighting with him, watching him scream his head off because he's hungry, and then finally give him a bottle. And I have tried giving him an ounce or two first to get the edge off before trying to nurse, and I still get the same reaction. I'm still pumping like crazy, and am starting to ramp up my supply so I can actually freeze some. I've only got 2 bags in the freezer, but it's a start. I am really loving that we have a chest freezer in the garage, so I'll have tons of room to store it. My initial goal was to get him nursing, and still continue to do it after I go to work, at least before and after. Now, I'm not so sure. I have the pump for another 2 months, so I'd like to be able to be done at that point. But that would mean he'd either have to get with the program and latch on, or just go to formula and whatever breast milk I have in the freezer. Not sure how this is going to work. Especially considering in a month, Celia, Seth and I will be in Buffalo for a week. I didn't plan on bringing the pump with me originally, considering it's a rental and I didn't want to shove it in a suitcase. But now I may not have a choice. I guess we'll see how things go. Maybe he'll figure it all out, which would make my life so much easier. But I am proud that I didn't give up yet. And that he's still getting mostly breastmilk (with the exception of a few ounces of formula every few days or so). I'm just so glad that I didn't have any solid expectations this time around, because I'd be in a tailspin if I had.

On another note, several of my fertile friends just had babies. My friend J (who used to work with me) had a little boy, my co-worker T had a little girl, and a friend of a friend had a boy. Now here's the interesting part about the last girl (B). She has 2 girls. The first, she labored for about 4 hours before delivering. The second, she labored for 2 hours. This time, she didn't make it to the hospital, and ended up delivering her own baby in the front seat of the car. They didn't even pull over! Her husband was driving at warp speeds, but it wasn't fast enough and she ended up delivering while he was driving. Talk about a birth story!

easter

We had a fun Easter weekend! My SIL E and her husband D came down Friday through Saturday. We did our Easter dinner Saturday so we could all enjoy it together- it was so much fun! And I even got some help in the kitchen, which was cool. I taught my SIL how to make ham, au gratin potatoes and glazed carrots. Yummy! And we had wine with dinner. Both nights! Man did I miss being able to DRINK! Celia had fun playing with her aunt and uncle too.

Yesterday, we went to a friend's house for brunch and an egg hunt. Again, Celia had a blast! She's getting to really be a lot of fun around holidays now that she is older. She was so excited for the easter bunny, and spent about 45 minutes looking for our easter baskets. The bunny was sneaky and hid Seth's really well, and it took Celia forever to find it! She found ours instantly, and hers after 2 minutes.

Here is a pic of Seth from this weekend. After Saturday's dinner, my BIL was holding him, and he started smiling huge! I'm pretty certain it was because he was pooping, but my SIL still managed to snap a shot of him and his toothless grin. I love it!

check-ups

This week, I had Seth's 1 month well baby visit, and Celia's 4 year old check-up. Tuesday was Seths, and he's just doing beautifully! Even though he still won't latch on (not for lack of trying though!), he's taking plenty through bottles, and is now up to 7 pounds, 12 ounces (though I'm sure that now he's up to 8 pounds)!

Then today, we had Celia's appointment. I had a few things to talk with Dr R about, and she was really helpful. Celia is doing great too, at the 25th percentile for height, and 50th for weight. She probably spent about 15 minutes in the room with us, watching and talking to Celia, and had some great thoughts on my concerns. First, Celia's having accidents again. They stopped for a while, but are now back in full force. Then there's her not listening to anyone. Not her teachers at school, not me or Nathan, and it's getting very frustrating. Then there's her need to sleep in our room at night, which she's never done before. Her thoughts?? As far as the wetting and behavior, she said that Celia is extremely bright, and that she knows exactly what she's doing. And what she needs to do. And that she's just really looking for attention right now, whether it be good or bad. She suggested trying to do some special things with her (which we do). As far as the sleeping in our room thing, she actually suggested we do a sleepover in her room once a week. To have either me or Nathan spend the night with her once a week, so she gets to have us for the night. It's definitely an interesting idea, so we're trying to figure out a way to start doing that. I just am so relieved that she thinks Celia is behaving the way she is because she wants to, and understands the consequences, instead of there being an issue (like ADHD). And the poor kid got 3 shots today too, and she did great! She saw me get the Rhogam shot in the hospital, and said that she wanted to be brave like me in the hospital, and not cry at all. It was sweet.

Then this afternoon after we got home, my friend, her mom and her two kids came over to visit. Her kids and Celia get along really well, so it was perfect. They brought pizza and cupcakes, and we chatted, caught up (since she was in FL for a month), and just relaxed. And of course, they all got to see Seth. It's cool because she's a SAHM, and we'll be able to get the kids together loads while I'm on leave, and just hang out a bit. I'm afraid I'll never want to go back to work! ;) It was also cool because her mom is a knitter, and was excited to see my "studio" where I do my dyeing, and see my yarn stash, spinning wheel, etc. It's completely out of hand, but I love it! I can't wait to start dyeing again! Hopefully in another week or so I'll get the energy up.


Other than that, not much else going on here. My SIL and her husband are coming in tomorrow for the night. Should be fun! I'm making an Easter dinner for Saturday, and she's going to help me cook, so I can teach her how to make ham and au gratin potatoes. Tomorrow I'm going to do some grocery shopping, and hit Harry and David to get some Pepper and Onion relish for an appetizer for Saturday. I rarely get into Rockville anymore- I can't wait to do some shopping tomorrow!

movies and shopping

This was a really great weekend!! Saturday morning started by all of us heading out to take Celia to her gymnastics class. It was her first day as a "super tot", instead of "preschool", and she was SO excited! She loves being in the class with the bigger kids, and did beautifully! She had an absolute blast, and I got to sit and chat with another mom of a girl in Celia's class, they've been taking class together for 8 months, which is cool. We even picked out a new leotard for Celia too, since I had promised to get her a new one when she was moved up to the bigger class. Then after we got home, I pumped, and Celia and I headed over to the movie theatre so we could see Horton Hears a Who! Celia and I had sprite, popcorn and Twizzlers for lunch, which was SO good, and just had a fun girls afternoon. She absolutely loved the movie, and it was cool to see her huge smile, and get excited over certain things that happen in the movie. It was great! Then we went home and had lunch, and went outside to plant some seeds that we had gotten, in the effort to try growing some flowers, herbs and veggies from seeds. It was such a lovely day out! This weather is the main reason why I absolutely love living in Maryland. Spring is the best season!

Yesterday was great too! Started off with me and Celia doing some grocery shopping. Then I came home, pumped, and headed over to Tysons Corner to do some shopping before the meeting of The Order Of The Plastic Uterus! I had planned on getting a new fleece jacket, sneakers, and a spring shirt (that was my mom's idea- new shirt to keep me motivated on the weight-loss thing). I found a great fleece at LL Bean, which I bought in a Large, instead of XL, which actually fits perfectly but I cannot gain any weight, or else it won't zip comfortably. Then I hit J. Jill, and got 2 spring shirts, one is fitted, so again- no gaining weight or else it won't fit! Then I found sneakers at the New Balance store, and they were even on sale! After that, I met up with the gals at Coastal Flats, which was awesome! We had 2 tables, and sat there for about 2 hours, and then chatted outside the restaurant, and a few of us did some shopping. I even found 2 more shirts at Ann Taylor Loft that I liked, so I splurged and got them. I like them even more after trying them on again when I got home too. I could get used to liking how clothes fit me! I still have a long way to go, but it's definitely nice to be more comfortable in my clothes. And I know that I'm still puffy in the abdomen from my surgery, and that it will go down with time.

Tomorrow is the first day that I'm keeping Celia home from preschool. I can't wait to see how it goes. Maybe we'll go to the mall and walk around or grab lunch, or do something fun tomorrow. I'm definitely making Mac N Cheese for dinner tomorrow though. I've watched lots of Food Network lately, and everyone seems to be making MacNCheese from scratch, and it looks amazing! So I'm going to give it a shot tomorrow. And Celia is going to help me, which will be fun. She's funny- her favorite show to watch with me is not Dora, or Little Einsteins...but it's Barefoot Contessa! My favorite cooking show hands down, but she watched it with me once before I had Seth, and got hooked! Now every time we are sitting in front of the TV, she wants to watch Barefoot Contessa. There's one episode in particular that she loves- she's throwing a birthday party for her friend's 11 year old daughter, and makes pizzas and a 3 tier cake that has hot pink frosting. I have now seen that episode 20 times, at least! She wants me to make her the cake for her next birthday. Kind of funny! We actually made pizzas a few weeks ago, and used her dough recipe (which was awesome by the way), and she had SO much fun helping me make the dough. Talk about fun!

seeing grey

I'm still in quite a fog, but I think I'm finally starting to come out of it. Exhaustion is not much fun, and I completely forgot how exhausting it is to have an infant in the house. Seth sleeps about 3 hours at a time, which is great. But still hard when he's up at 1 and 5 for about an hour (or 2) at a time.

Weather yesterday was so beautiful that I picked Celia up a little early, so she, Seth and I could take a walk around the neighborhood together. It was really nice, and she had fun with it too. I'm trying to get in a pattern of taking walks more regularly. Exercise is the only way I'll be able to keep weight off! Speaking of which, I'm down 24 pounds now! Yeah! I also arranged it so that, starting next week, Celia will be only going to preschool on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and she'll be home with me on Tuesday and Thursday. I know that she seems to think that we're having all kinds of fun while she's at school, when in reality, we sleep til 11 or 12, eat lunch and relax in the afternoon. But hopefully next week I'll be more up for taking them out a bit more. Maybe to the play ground, mall walking, or something. She's pretty excited about it, which makes me happy. And, we'll be saving $50 a week, which also makes me happy. Plus, it gives me a taste of what it would be like to be a stay at home mom, since even if I was home, she'd be in preschool part time.

I also noticed last week that I've got a few grey hairs. SO not happy about this!! I got my hair colored dark in December, with the hopes that I'd not have to do anything for quite some time since I had nothing to cover up. Last week, I noticed a few grey roots...or I should say SILVER roots. Well, the other day, I got my hair cut short. Really short in back, but still with some length in the front. It's different, but I love it! Now, I'm finding more of them. I'm only 31, and am starting to turn grey. I shouldn't be surprised, since my mom did at the same age, but it's still a bit of a shock.

I also made an appointment with Dr. L, at her new practice, so I can see her and get everything checked out after the pregnancy, get some bloodwork done, and talk to her about getting a referral to a therapist. I'm feeling a lot better this week, but you never know. I don't think it would be a bad idea to talk to someone a few times, and try to process some things. I tend to put things aside as I'm going through them, and manage fine, but then months (or years) later, they come and smack me in the face and I lose it. I'm trying to keep this from happening again. I'm also curious to see how high my cholesterol is. After my last pregnancy, my triglycerides were triple what they should be, not good at all. Gotta keep things under control now.

Still no progress with nursing. I'm trying, and he's refusing. At least I know it's not my technique, since the lactation consultant was impressed with that part. I'm giving it another week of trying, before I just give up all together. I'll still pump, since I've paid for it through May. But something has gotta give here! And I'm not going to kill myself to get him latching on, and having it make me feel rejected any longer than I have to.

I'm REALLY looking forward to this weekend's meeting of The Order Of The Plastic Uterus down at Costal Flats in Tysons Corner!! I can't wait to see everyone! I sooo need a break, and what better than shopping at the biggest mall I've ever been to, and fantastic food with GREAT company!

I leave you with a pic of my sweet boy sleeping on my chest. I'm so in love!!

Visit with mom

This was the greatest weekend!! My mom and stepfather came in Friday afternoon, and were here visiting until tonight. It was such a great visit, and exactly what I needed. I think I spent the last few weeks SO worried about my mom and her health, that I was really upsetting myself and fearing the worst. Thankfully she's doing great! And we got to spend some good quality time together, which I really needed. Saturday Nathan and I got to go out for lunch and make a Target run, just the two of us. It was so nice to actually spend some time together. And, I got to have one of my favorite margaritas (Prickly Pear) at lunch, which was the most amazing thing I've had in ages! Sunday, my mom, Celia and I went to the mall to buy Celia some shoes. She came home with 3 new pairs, some sneakers, sandals, and crocs. Did I ever mention that my mom has a thing for buying kids shoes? Such a huge help, considering she dropped over $100 on shoes for a 4 year old. And bought her a few outfits. It was so much fun though, and Celia got to pick out some really cute things! Yesterday, Celia was at preschool, and my step father stayed back with Seth so my mom and I could run to Costco. My mom had never been, but only heard things about it from me and my brother- she was really impressed! It was great, and I dropped nearly $400 (including renewing my membership, and 3 giant cans of formula). I need to clean out the pantry now so we can fit all of the new food in there! Then today was spent relaxing mostly. I took a 2 hour nap while my mom and stepfather went to visit the National Cathedral, grab lunch and do some shopping. Then our old neighbor called about redoing our bathroom, so he came by to check it out and give us an estimate for the labor. Let's just say that I was thrilled!! He gave us a pretty reasonable price on the labor, and then all we have to do is buy the parts (tile for the bath tub, the new tub, new counter top, maybe a new vanity, tile for the floor). I can't wait to get started on this! As soon as we get our taxes done, we'll have an idea of how much cash we have to play with and I can start shopping! Yeah!!
Celia definitely had fun with her grandparents, and I did too. It was just so good to see my mom, and get to hug her and see for myself that she's OK. Funny how we were both sitting in the hospital at the same time, waiting to find out what was going on with ourselves, and being sick with worry about what was going on in the other hospital 7 hours away. I had no idea she was so worried about me, and she didn't realize how worried about her I was. I'm just so glad that we both ended up OK, and all went smoothly.

Seth is doing beautifully! Even my mom noticed that he's gotten bigger and face has filled out a little in the few days she was here. He still won't latch on at all, though with my mom around I wasn't trying as much as I was. I'll get back to that tomorrow. I think. I'm starting to feel anxious about it and stressed over him not latching, and I'm not sure if it's worth the anxiety to keep trying and getting so frustrated and crying over it. I've definitely been a bit weepy the last few weeks, and it's gotten a bit worse as the anxiety gets worse. I did talk to my OB about it, and he suggested I see a therapist about it, and whatever else may be causing it. He did mention that my GP is actually a patient of his, and suggested I talk to her, considering we've been through a lot of the same things (IF, treatment, and success). He didn't say it in so many words, but I remembered the IF part from when I saw her last year before we decided to move ahead with IVF. She basically said something about not having my hopes up too high for IUIs working right away and to be prepared for it to be difficult. And she mentioned that she also went to SGFC, and saw my OB too. I'm definitely concerned about depression again, especially since I remember the random crying last time, just didn't think anything of it at the time. I'll call and make an appointment with my GP tomorrow, and see if she can recommend a therapist or someone for me to talk to.

I think that's it! Now I'm going to bed, so I can be woken up in 3 hours for a feeding and pumping session.

heartbroken

I've been following Natalie's blog since I first started reading IF blogs. I was reading through some blogs this morning, when I saw that she lost her precious baby boy at 36 weeks gest. I've spent about 2 hours in tears, and really hurt like hell for their loss Please head over and lend some support. Life just really, really sucks sometimes.

Busy day

Today, I had a lactation consultant come in to try to help Seth get latched on properly. It was really helpful, even though we had absolutely no luck getting him on. We tried, and she watched my technique, which she was really happy with! She was impressed with my grip (if you don't hold the kid's neck well, it flops everywhere and has no chance of staying put), which was nice. And everything else is really good, he's just too young to be able to latch effectively. He's used to bottles (bad me!), and is used to the fast flow and doesn't want to work for the slower flow yet. But if I keep trying, he will get it. Now, instead of using bottles, I'm using a funky syringe and my finger to feed him. I'll let him suck on my middle finger, and put this hook syringe with the breastmilk in his mouth and let it leak in very slowly, to get him used to a slower flow, and break him of the bottles. So far, it's going well. He seems happy. It was pretty cool too, because the consultant was telling me to relax, and think of serene places that make me happy, like Niagara falls or water falls, or something like that. I said that I love Niagara Falls (being 20 mins from Buffalo), and she mentioned that she used to live near there. Turns out she lived in Buffalo for 40+ years, and lived near where my uncle does. So we chatted about that a little too. Funny how there are always people from Buffalo everywhere I go.

And the other milestone we hit today was that his cord stump fell off! So we were able to give him a real bath tonight. Fun times!

Ugh, off to try to get Celia to stop screaming hysterically and get her to bed.

2 weeks!

My little guy is now 2 weeks old! It's so hard to believe it! Had everything gone according to plan, I'd be in the recovery room right now, instead of sitting on my sofa, watching Food Network, and listening to my little guy squeaking.

Seth had his 2 week check-up this morning, and he's doing beautifully! The pediatrician was thrilled with his weight gain- he's up to 6 pounds 8 ounces, which is up 14 ounces between the 23rd and now! I am just glad he's gaining! Dr. T (who we've seen a few times with Celia, but not with Seth yet) asked about the nursing, and she was pretty happy with what I'm doing. I pretty much explained why I was doing things as I am, and she seemed good with it. She did say it's never too early to call in a lactation consultant, but understands that I need to do that when I'm ready, if at all. Which I really appreciated. He did get a heel stick to get his PKU tests done, which was hard. He screamed his head off! Since he's too little to take out for ice cream, Nathan and I decided that we should go out for lunch instead. Ok- that was my logic, but it happened to work out that we left the Drs office at 11:30, just in time for lunch.

I did go ahead and call a lactation consultant when I got home. She's going to be coming tomorrow, somewhere around his second feeding of the day. She'll call around 9 to see when he ate last, and we'll go from there. I'm curious to see how it goes. Hopefully she'll be able to help! And I'm glad that I'm trying. And, my milk supply is definitely getting better as time goes too- In the last 30 hours, Seth hasn't had ANY formula! Only breastmilk! And I still have 5 ounces in the fridge.

I go for my 2 week post-op on Thursday morning, so that should be fun. At least I will be cleared to drive then, which will be nice. He did say 2 weeks, but I want to wait until I see him again, just to make sure. Plus, I still really can't carry Seth and the carseat at the same time without having some nice tugging that I don't like. A few more days in will do us some good. I am excited to see the scale at the doctors office. I was shocked to see my weight at last weeks appointment because I was dillusional. For some reason I thought my highest pregnancy weight was ten pounds lower than it was, and realized later what I had done. I was really bummed to only have lost 5 pounds after delivering...but it was actually 15. Can you say sleep deprivation? After I realized my error, I felt better about it, and have been watching the scale a bit and eating healthy-ish still. And...I'm down even more now! I have lost 20 pounds so far! And, the coolest part- is that I'm able to wear my jeans again! I have a pair of jeans that I got last year from J. Jill (one of my favorite stores), that I absolutely love. I splurged on them (at $79 for jeans), but loved how they fit. I didn't expect to be able to wear them for another month or so, but I tried them for the heck of it this morning, and THEY FIT!! This made me get on the scale again, and I saw that I'm down below where I was before IVF! And I was doing Weight Watchers all through IVF until I got my BFP. So needless to say, I'm below where I was before I got pregnant this time. And about where I was at my lowest after I had Celia...and that was months later. Color me happy!