just the two of us

Today is the last day that I have with just Seth before I start back at work. Tomorrow, is the last day with Celia and Seth. Friday, we leave to go to Buffalo for a week, and then after we get back, he starts day care. Yesterday, I told Celia that after we get back from Buffalo, that we won't have our tuesdays and thursdays any more. That I have to go back to work. And she cried. Which made me cry.

This morning, Seth and I napped until 10:30, which was perfect. The last nap I get to take with him in the morning before we start our day. Without any distractions. I'm not sure what we'll do today, but I can be certain that I will have him in my arms most of the time. It's just way too soon to be thinking about day care, and going back to work. And it breaks my heart.

2 month check-up

Yesterday, Seth had his 2 month check-up, and all I can say is wow! He's growing SO fast!! For his length (21.75 inches), and head circumference (37 cm), he is in the 5-10th percentiles. His weight, however, is a different story. He weighed 11 pounds, 3 ounces, which puts him in the 50th percentile! Holy crap!! Dr D wasn't concerned with that at all, which was good. The only thing he mentioned was with his head circumference. Apparently at his first visit, he was in the 5th percentile, then at his 1 month visit he was at 10%, and now he's back to 5%. They like to see it more consistent than that I guess, so it's something they'll keep an eye on at his next visit (at 4 months). He said it's probably nothing, but it could potentially be something, whatever that means! I also talked to the doc about Seth's spitting up. He does it a LOT, and usually it comes out of his nose and it seems to irritate him a bit. Dr D did check his nasal passageways to make sure they're open properly by putting a feeding tube up his nose (Seth did not like that much), but they were fine. So he said that Seth has reflux, and that there are varying degrees of it. I'm supposed to try to keep his feedings on the slow side (which they are- he usually takes an hour to eat), hold him upright after a feeding for at least 10 minutes, and prop up his crib mattress with a towel so he's at an angle. Hopefully this will help, and if not I'm supposed to call him on monday and he'll start Seth on Zantac to help with the acid. We'll see how it goes!

After that, we headed over to Lowes to get a faucet for the bathroom sink, and a new faucet/shower head set for the bathtub/shower. That was much easier than at home depot, they actually had some that I liked at Lowes! Then we went to a great Thai restaurant (in the Kentlands, Thai Tanium) to meet up with one of my co-workers for lunch. We had a great time, chatted a bit, and then went home to relax. I caught up on some TV (Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters- no comment on how easy they make IVF look for Kitty), dozed a little, and picked Celia up around 4.

Just 3 more days until we head up to Buffalo for a week! I'm so excited to get to see my family, friends, and just spend time up there. I've got a few things planned, but overall, I'm trying to keep our schedule pretty open. I'm hoping to have time to take a morning or afternoon and head up to Niagara-on-the-lake, in Ontario for a walk, some tea, and some wine. Celia will love it, because this time of year, the streets are all blooming with tons of flowers, and they have some fun shops and restaurants. Did I mention the wine?? They have a dozen or so fantastic wineries up there, and are known for their Icewine. I actually want to get some of my favorite Cab franc from Peller Estates, we had a glass on the first night of our honeymoon (it was the tasting sample at a wine bar in town), and have been drinking it ever since. Thankfully passports aren't necessary for travel to Canada yet, so I can go with the kids. We'll see if it happens though, you never know. I always have great intentions but the follow through sometimes fails.

trouble!

After visiting my co-worker and her 1 week old, I headed to Montgomery Mall to walk around and do some window shopping. Last time I was there, I checked out Lush and picked up some soap and a bar of shampoo to try out. They also gave me a sample of hand cream, and another soap. See, Celia decided that she liked my bar of soap, so she kind of stole it. I wanted to buy another bar for myself, so I could try out another of their scents. And I always have very dry skin on my feet, so I wanted to try their foot lotion (since most others that I've tried just don't work at all). And I like the concept of handmade soaps with no preservatives, and "green" packaging. So I went in, and got one of their foot creams, a bar of soap, another bar that's an exfoliant and lotion in one, and a free face mask (spend more than $45, and get a free face mask was their promotion for today). So yeah, I'm in trouble. I have a soft spot for products and soaps, and I've found a place with loads of fantastic ones that I want to try. Yikes!

perfect day

Today, we did some shopping! Got lots of great things that I needed, and a few that we didn't need but thought were fun anyways. After shopping, we hit a playground, and let Celia and L's kids play for a bit, while we sat in the shade and chatted a bit. It was awesome! The only heartbreaking part was when Celia ran over to me, and whispered in my ear (this is her thing lately- she likes to whisper in our ears when she has something special to say), that she wishes she could stay home with me every day. All I could say was "honey, I wish I could stay home with you every day too".

productive

Yesterday, when Celia was napping, I spoke with two friends and made arrangements for them to come over today for a play date. L has 2 kids, ages 4 and almost 3, and J has 2 kids, ages 3 and 4 weeks. Celia and J's oldest were at school, so it was the two babies, and L's kids. Thankfully I knew they wouldn't judge me for my house needing a good cleaning, but for some reason, I looked at our living room and HAD to clean it before they came. So last night, I tore it apart, got rid of TONS of recycling and random junk into the trash (and recycling, of course). And I managed to go through 2 bins of Celia's old clothes to give to L for her daughter. I kept about one bin's worth that was only 3/4 of the way full, and gave her 3 bags of clothes, and have added to the bin of things that I plan to donate. I am so excited! It has been driving me crazy that we've had so much clutter in the living room, and now it's gone!!

So today, I finished cleaning, and ordered pizza for lunch for when everyone was arriving. I figured I"d order it early and toss it in the oven for when we were ready to eat. I'm glad I did think to order it early, because I ordered it at 11:30, and the e-mail I got said it would be there in 30-40 minutes. An hour and 20 minutes later, it wasn't here yet. So I called, and they said it was on it's way. 20 minutes later, it still wasn't here. So J called them back, and asked why it was so late, and got them to put a credit on my account for a free pizza next time we order. That was definitely nice of them to do that, considering they were an hour late with our lunch, and we were all starving! We all sat and ate, and ate the rest of the cheesecake I made for the TOOTPU get together last weekend, and had several pots of tea while we caught up, chatted, and the 2 older kids played while the babies slept. It was fantastic!! And tomorrow, I'm going to go up to Frederick with L to hit Costco and MOM's (My Organic Market, which I have never been to but am excited to check out). I'm definitely enjoying being on maternity leave and getting to spend so much time with L (and have Celia and her kids get together so much). Tomorrow should be fun, and Celia is already excited to see the kids.

8 weeks

I can't believe that Seth is 8 weeks today. It just seems so surreal! I don't know why, but during the whole pregnancy, I couldn't help but feel like something would go wrong and I'd never get to meet him. And once he was born, I had a hard time believing that everything would be OK and he'd still be here by now. But he is, and he's amazing, and he's mine. Just mindblowing. I am finally starting to let myself get attatched to him, which is good.

He's still not sleeping well though, which is not great considering I'm back at work in just 4 weeks. I would be amazed if he started sleeping through the night by then. Especially when he usually wakes up 2 or 3 times. At least now that I'm not pumping anymore, Nathan can take one feeding by himself, so I do get a little relief. He's eating really well, which is so great. He takes about 5-6 ounces at a time, usually every 4 hours or so. I can't wait to see what he weighs at his 2 month visit next week!

Today, I wanted to do something fun with Celia, so we went to ChuckECheese. I told her when we went, that she had to stay dry if she ever wanted to go again. And that she had to listen. She listened really well, and when we got home, she was dry. Since she had had a whole cup of sprite, I told her to check to see if she had to go when we got in the house. Of course, she swore she didn't have to go. BUT the second she got in the house, she kicked her shoe off and it hit me in the head. And it hurt like hell. So I yelled and told her to go to her room so I could compose myself. Two seconds later, I go up to talk to her about how it's not a good idea to kick your shoes off into the air, and she says that she's wet. She hasn't gone a day without an accident in over 2 weeks now, and it's getting REALLY old. Usually it's more like 3-4 accidents too. I have no idea what to do with her. I've tried not reacting, I've tried sending her to her room to change and pretending like it hasn't happened. I've tried asking her often if she has to go, then getting upset when she has an accident. I've gotten angry with her. I've taken things away. She really has to want to stay dry on her own, and it's just not happening. If she wets twice, she has to wear a pull-up for the rest of the day. That doesn't help either. She's wet in front of her friends at school, and it doesn't upset her. Same with our neighbors (who are 7 and 10). I have no idea. I'd wonder if she had a UTI or something, but when she had her fever a week ago, they checked her for that and she was fine. I'm just really losing my patience with her. I love her to pieces, but when she pees two minutes after I ask her to check (and get the token "I don't have to go, don't talk to me" response) or walks up to me and hits me or kicks me for no reason, it's hard to keep that in mind. I expected her attitude to change when Seth was born, but this is a bit extreme. Maybe not, but it does seem that way.

not enough time

There really isn't enough time in a day. I am still completely sleep deprived, and can't seem to catch up to save my life. I miss getting more than 3-4 hours of sleep at a time, and lately Seth has only been giving me 2-3 hours. I'm so sleepy!!

However, we have been cramming lots into the days. Last week, the tile came in so that got picked up. And I went to home depot twice to look through the book of special order bathtubs, and finally ordered one. Plus we've been trying to work on the wallpaper in the bathroom, which is being very stubborn. At least the top layer is mostly all off right now.
Here is the tile: The large one is 13"x13" for the floor, the white 4"x8" is "subway" tile for the wall around the bathtub, and will be put up in a brick like pattern (aka subway). The checkerboard one is the accent row that will also be around the tub near the top like a border, and will be the blue (though the tile that we got in isn't quite as dark, it's still a really pretty blue). The green is just an example of the size of the pieces, since the blue sample was broken.

Wednesday, I went shopping for clothes for the husband (and got myself some new PJs too). Thursday, Nathan came home early and we went into Bethesda to see the Kenwood cherry blossoms (lots of trees in bloom without heading into DC). They were just so beautiful- one thing I love about living here. I got some great pics though, and think I'll blow a few up for the new bathroom. Went shopping again on Saturday with my friend R who lives in Fredericksburg. Her hubby was at his last weekend of Reserves, so we met up at Tysons Corner, had a drink and a snack, did some window shopping and then went to a Jewelry party. I was good at the mall, but went a bit overboard at the party. Thank goodness my husband didn't get upset when I told him what I spent! After that, we headed to Wegmans to get dinner and food. I got some of my favorite Buffalo Hot dogs, baked beans, spaghetti sauce, chip dip, and some NYS wine. Then today was an afternoon with The Order Of The Plastic Uterus, which was awesome. Lots of yummy food, and great conversation as always.

Now, onto other things. I completely stopped pumping on Monday night. I had planned on pumping at least a few more times after that, but I didn't need to, I was a little sore, but not full at all, so I let it go. Now I'm fine, and not sore at all. I've got varying emotions on this whole thing. I'm so glad to be done pumping, but I still feel like I should have tried harder. Even though I made it to 7 weeks pumping, and Seth was still refusing to latch on. I've also been in a bit of a mood. Every so often I get a little homesick and miss Buffalo, but it usually isn't that bad and disappears pretty quickly. I may want to move back there, but I don't get homesick. But for some reason, I'm extremely homesick right now. I'm just glad I get to go up there in less than 2 weeks. It will either help, or make it worse. I'm hoping for helping. And I can't stop thinking about starting back at work in a few weeks. I hate that I have to work. I want to spend more time with my son and daughter, and it really is starting to upset me that I'm losing this time in a few short weeks. I'm already having trouble sleeping at night because I can't stop thinking about it. I just really wish I didn't have to go back to work so soon.

phasing out

So, the whole nursing thing is still not working. I've tried, and tried, and am admitting defeat. I'm not thrilled with it, but I think that right now my mental health is way more important than forcing the issue. Seth is 7 weeks old today, and he's been getting breastmilk since day 2, so It's better than nothing. I've been working on drying up my supply, and I'm doing quite well with that. At least it's something that's going right in that department! I started off pumping every 6 hours, instead of 4-5, for about 2 days. Then I upped the space to 7-8 hours, then 9-10 hours, and now I'm at 13-14 hours between pumping sessions. And I only get an ounce and half or two ounces out when I pump now, which is huge since I was producing about an ounce an hour before.

It wasn't easy to decide to stop pumping. Technically I could keep it up or as long as my supply lasts. But it hurts! And it takes SO much time. And it makes it so I don't get much sleep at night. And it hurts! I know how beneficial it is for babies to have breastmilk. I had always planned on doing it for the first year (with some supplementation, but at least partially for a year). With Celia, she weaned herself by the time she was 5 months old. With Seth, he still refuses to latch on, and the pumping is killing me. And the trying to get him latched and having him refuse me is not easy on me either. So, I'm done. That's it. He'll be getting formula pretty much exculsively from now on. I still have 4 bottles worth in the freezer, and I'll give him one a day for the next few days, and that will be it. I hate to stop, and I wish he'd get it. But it's really taking it's toll on me, and as I learned with my daughter, a happier mom makes a better mom, and a happier kid.

What will they think of next??

Interesting... Somehow I think it's an april fools joke. But the concept is way cool!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/pteq.html?cpg=70H

EDITED: And it was an April Fools Joke. For the heck of it I was going to try to buy one, and it came up on a funny page saying that it was a joke. Ha ha...

still sick

Poor Celia is still sick. Not sure what the heck is wrong with her other than that she's got a fever. She says her neck hurts sometimes, but the outside, not the inside. Who knows what she means. Definitely is coughing and sneezing a little, but not enough to be worried. Looks like we'll have a trip to the doc tomorrow morning after my 6 week post partum check up with my OB. Talk about a crappy week to get sick- yesterday we were going to go to DC to see the cherry blossoms, but since she was sick, we were going to wait until tomorrow. But since she's still sick, we'll probably not do that. And it's supposed to rain most of the weekend, so it looks like we'll miss them this year.

We also had our tax prep appointment this morning, so we all ended up going to that. Overall it was better than I thought it would be. We owed big time, but not as much as we had thought. The plus side is that we'll have plenty of cash left to cover our bathroom renovation! And we should get the nice rebate check back in June. And we've got it set up so we'll start pre-paying our taxes this year, so we don't get hit with a huge bill next year. And then we will avoid the penalty we had to pay this year.

Did get a little sad news today. My aunt D, who has been living with and fighting breast cancer for 11 years, is not doing very well. Her blood counts have been awful, and she's having a blood transfusion tomorrow. After her last scans (which showed a lot of spreading), they had to change the chemo she was on, which apparently isn't agreeing with her. My dad is heading down there first thing tomorrow morning, and he said he'd keep me updated. I'm hoping that she does OK tomorrow. I'll definitely be saying a little prayer tonight.

freaking wasps

Usually, in september or october, once or twice I'll come home and find a wasp or two in the house. I'll kill the suckers, and that will be that. This morning, sitting and watching Little Einsteins with Celia and Seth, Celia points over to the curtain to a wasp. Now I'm terrified of bees and wasps. It's completely irrational, but I'm terrified. I won't go near them, and if I'm outside and they're around, I leave and go inside where I'm "safe" from them. Last fall, I had the nerve to kill 3 of them myself without asking for help. This morning, I can't do it. I finally get the nerve to go down and kill it, and I can't find it. I send the cats downstairs to find it for me (they're good like that), and they do find it. But it's near the ceiling. The last thing I should be doing is balancing on a step ladder near the fireplace. Can't you just see me up there, swatting away, have it fly at me, lose my balance and crack my head on the brick? I sure can! I called my husband (twice- once to ask where the fly swatter was, and the second time to ask where the wasp spray was= which we dont have btw) to tell him about it. The second call, he was just laughing at me. I've been down three times since I talked to him last, hoping that it moved to a level where I can reach it, and it's still up high. Not as high now, but still too high for me to do it. I'm such a baby when it comes to wasps and bees, it's really annoying! He's offered to come home and take care of it over his lunch break, and I think I'm going to take him up on it. I won't let Celia watch TV down there, since I don't want her to try to do it herself, or get stung. And I won't go there with the baby either, since I'd feel awful if he got stung too.

And mind you, this is day 2 in a row home with a sick Celia. She's had a fever (over 102 yesterday, and today it's just below 102. Thank goodness for Motrin, though you'd never know she's sick after it's kicked in. Hopefully it will break soon. We're getting our taxes done tomorrow morning, and I'd rather not have to take both kids with me!

EDITED: My darling husband came home at noon, killed the wasp, gave us hugs, and headed back to work. I'm truly married to the most wonderful man in the world. Thanks honey!! I am so baking you chocolate chip cookies in a few minutes!