Trigger shot

Last night I got home, and went straight for the fridge. At 6pm, I gave myself an injection of Ovi.drel, to trigger ovulation. It's done. Now I wait for AF, and hopefully we can start all over again with NO cysts.

Thankfully, it's a good time for this to happen. Today the manager of my group came over and asked if I could meet with our group at 10 tomorrow. It's a meeting with one of the directors from a different department to see what our options are in the future. As in, when our contract is up, do we have options within the institute or not. She suggested having our resumes together for the meeting tomorrow! Which means...I need to find my resume, and update it. And it's 2 years old, and updated to my LAST position. Man do I have some major work to do! Yikes. I hate selling myself. At least after this meeting, I'll know how I feel about staying at my current place of employment. And whether or not to really start looking for something else.

And on a good note- I'm working on setting up an acupuncture appt! I've talked to a few people, and I've narrowed it down to 2. One in Bethesda, and one in gaithersburg. Both women, one has had a lot of experience dealing with infertility (she claims it as a specialty), and the other I have a phone consult with tonight so I'll find out about her then. One is under my insurance plan (but not covered since it's not for pain), and the other is not. One is close to me, the other is not. We'll see!! I think I'm odd in that for an acupuncturist and a massage therapist, I want to have women...but for my RE and OB/GYN I have men. Not sure where my thought process is on that one!

And the decision is...

I trigger tonight, and stay on Lupron for until I get my next period. I go in on tuesday to make sure that I did ovulate, and we'll go right into the next cycle from here. As soon as AF shows up, I get to go in for day 2 bloodwork and hopefully start stims.

Now the problem here... IF this actually works...I may end up missing my best friend's wedding. The one where I'm matron of honor. Yikes. Thankfully at her stagette, she took me aside and we talked. She told me that even if I have to miss the wedding, she really will understand. She's so supportive- I wish she lived closer!

And my car- is fixed!! It wasn't the transmission. Some valve went, so they fixed it. All for the price tag of $440.40. And it wasn't covered by the warranty. Oh well! I'm actually in a good mood. I expected to ahve to start bcp again and all that again!

Wierd.

Well, the cyst on the left side is still there, and bigger. But it looks like it's clear fluid, so my RE thinks it might actually be a follicle. And it's over 18 in size. He said he wants to think about what we'll do, but it will likely be one of two things.

1) trigger, and try an IUI for the heck of it.
2) trigger, and stay on lu.pron until I get my period, do day 2 bloodwork/ultrasound and try again.

So...I'll know sometime this afternoon.

And my car- is at the dealer. We had it towed there this morning, so hopefully I'll know what's wrong with that soon too. I just can't get away from being attatched to my cell phone, can I!

update

Friday afternoon I heard from my nurse D with the estrogen results. They were not great...they were up to 85 (from 71 on tuesday). And with the 2 cysts, obviously I couldn't start stims yet. So it's Lu.pron until tuesday when I get another scan and blooddraw. I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that this cycle will be cancelled. I'm so crushed, but there's not hing I can do about it. If my body won't cooperate, it won't cooperate. The only good thing was not worrying about stims while on the road, and at my friend's stagette. We really had a blast! The pole dancing class was much more fun than I thought it would be, and the Chocolate Bar was as good as I remembered. I had a nice Chocolate martini, and ordered a bottle of champagne for us to toast the bride to be. She was definitely surprised at the gifts I got her, and I loved the reaction to a few of them. Overall it was a good weekend. Annoyingly though, both yesterday and today, I've had headaches. First time since starting the Lu.pron. It's definitely hard to make a 7 hour drive when exhausted, head achey and moody. Not much fun. At least we're home now, and I can just relax and take it easy tonight. And we don't have to work tomorrow!

The bad news- my car is pretty much dead. I was driving home on friday, and the engine light went on. Within 30 seconds, it became clear that the transmission was the problem. Tuesday morning (after my monitoring appt), I get to have my car towed to the dealer, and see what the problem is. Thank goodness we bought the extended warranty, so it should be covered. Just another thing to stress me out. I'm seriously thinking about finding and trying accupuncture.

Oh crap.

I went in for my ultrasound/bloodwork this morning, and guess what they saw? A cyst. just over 1 cm. WTF??

Now I'm sitting here waiting for the phone call that will tell me my estrogen is too high, but that there's a reason for it this time. I'm trying not to be upset, but I'm really disappointed. Why won't my body cooperate?!!

bad girl!

I'm a very bad girl! I have a habbit of shopping, whenever I'm not in a great mood. I'm feeling OK today, but definitely nervous about tomorrow's ultrasound and bloodwork. I really want my E2 level to go down!! Anyway- so shopping...

I was surfing around as I had my afternoon coffee, and was trying to re-focus on my work. And I saw that J.Jill had a great sale on some summer items. Now, this is one of my favorite stores, I love the style, and the cut actually fits me pretty well. Then I saw a few items I had lusted after this spring, and a few new things that I really HAD to have...so I ordered them. Now I'm really trying hard not to spend money on useless stuff...but I caved. And it's stuff I can wear to work, so that's not so horrible. At least it wasn't yarn again... I have enough yarn to last me about 10 years (at least).

The thing I'm having trouble with now, is focusing. Every time I turn around, my mind goes to my cycle, and what comes next, and what to expect, and how I'm going to react to the meds. I'm finding it very difficult to actually be productive at work. I suppose it will get easier next cycle, since I'll have a better idea of what to expect...at least I hope it is! For now, all I can really focus on is my bloodwork tomorrow. I guess I really need to find a balance here and find a way to make it so I can focus at work.

Thanks for the thoughts on what to say to our daughter about everything. All she knows is that mommy is taking some scary medicine (she saw the needles), but that I'm not sick. I did however have to tell her day care teachers what was going on. Yesterday she got in a fight with a classmate over a toy, and she ended up getting pinched under her eye. They called me at work, I talked to her teacher, who put her on so I could talk to her. I asked her if she wanted me to come get her, and she said yes- so I did. I think the teacher was surprised to see me (she told me that celia was ok, just a little upset), so I explained that I was a little out of sorts, she asked if I was ok, and I started telling her what was going on. She was SO nice about it, asked lots of questions, and was really understanding. Part of the reason I told her is because Celia saw me with the needles getting my meds ready once or twice (and again this morning- the hubby isn't exactly great at keeping her out of the kitchen while I'm doing this). I didn't want her teachers to freak if Celia started talking about needles and scary medicine at school. Thankfully, her eye is fine, and my picking her up was definitely overreacting. But on the plus side, it took my mind off my estrogen levels for the afternoon!

minor freak out

So after I hung up with my nurse yesterday, I had a rush of questions I instantly needed to ask. Of course, I tried to find them online first (didn't want to bug her), but when I couldn't, I broke down and called her back. Thankfully, she returned my message within 10 minutes- I was REALLY impressed with that!

The deal is this: Apparently the high E2 level was likely due to the fact that my ovaries aren't suppressed fully. She wants to give it a few more days of lu.pron, and see if it goes down. It should. If it doesn't go down enough, we give it a few more days and check again. She said she has had patients that needed 3 lu.pron evaluations before starting the stims. She said that often it is due to a cyst, but after the ultrasound yesterday, they didn't see any, and are confident that it's not a cyst. So it's just a waiting game now. I felt much better after talking to her, and I'm glad I called. After that, I was so exhausted, that I went home from work an hour and a half early and took a nap. It was absolute heaven! I put my jammies on, crawled into bed, and was out like a light.

Now for the good news- I don't have to miss my best friend's stagette!! I wasn't sure if I could make it because of monitoring appointments, but now, I go in friday, and if all is good, then start stims and come back monday! So we'll leave after work on friday, drive up to Buffalo, and drive back on Sunday. It's 1 day less than we originally planned, but it's better this way. I'll have Sunday to relax and recover from the drive (it's about a 6.5 hour drive, but with stops and a 3 year old, it takes us about 8). I called my friend last night, and she was really excited that I'm going to be able to make it. I'm curious to see what this whole pole dancing craze is all about. Yup- the party starts off with a pole dancing class, and then a trip to the Chocolate Bar (one of Buffalo's coolest bars downtown- their chocolate martinis are incredible, and their dessert selection is to die for!). I'm really excited!! I really wanted to see the look on her face when she opens everything I sent (did I say I went a little overboard?!).

The rest of the week I just have to get through work. I'm surprised at how exhausted the lu.pron is making me. I guess if I'm going to have any side effect, that's not such a horrible one to have.

Oh- and good luck to LJ today! She's got her 3rd IUI attempt- I hope 3rd time is a charm for you!!

No go.

I just got a call from my nurse, with my Estrogen level- 71.7. I guess they like to see it below 50 before starting, so I have to wait. Apparently, I continue on Lu.pron for 3 more days, and go in friday morning for another ultrasound/bloodwork. I'm frustrated and annoyed, and I have to sit here and work when I just want to cry. Damnit.

All quiet!

I just got back from my day 3 ultrasound/bloodwork and it looks like the lu.pron is working! So provided the bloodwork comes in OK, I will start the gon.al F and meno.pur tonight. Apparently my ovaries have 12 folicles on each side that are less than 10, which the RE seemed really happy with.

What a weekend!!

Friday, I met up with LJ for drinks and dinner. We had a great time, and I even found out that she knew a girl I knew in Junior High. What a small world! I'm definitely looking forward to meeting up again!

Then Saturday, I did some major shopping. See, my best friend's stagette is this coming weekend, and I may not be able to go due to this cycle. So, I went way overboard and got loads of stuff from Victoria's Secret, and a few gag gifts from Spencers. I was much tamer than she was with me. Let's just say there was a screaming monkey thong for my hubby involved. Anyway, we are at the mall walking around, and my daughter has to go potty (for the 5th time). So I take her in, and since they had a family bathroom, we both went. And I was surprised with the early arrival of AF. I had only taken my last bcp on thursday, and there it was at 1pm on Saturday. So tomorrow morning (I thought they would have said either sun/mon, but it was mon/tues) for my Lu.pron evaluation. Then I'll find out if I can start the stims. I'm SO excited to get going, yet nervous at the same time. My nurse called while I was at work (I was off site at a class today) and left a message on my voice mail. Of course I didn't have my cell with me, so I had my hubby call my voice mail and get the message (my work voice mail sends an e-mail whenever you have a new voice message). Needless to say, it was my nurse, asking me when I was scheduled for, since she expected me today. WTF?? The nurse I spoke with yesterday told me I could schedule for either Monday or Tuesday, and that it didn't matter either way. And when I called for the appointment, they had either 9:45 on monday (and I had a class at 9), or 8 on tuesday, so I went with Tuesday. I'm glad she was on the ball and checking, but it scared me half to death. Thankfully I just called to double check my appt, and it is for 8 tomorrow. Phew!

Apparently I'm more anxious about all of this than I thought I was. Let's hope it doesn't get worse...I finally had the anxiety thing under control!

meet-up!

There's a meet-up tonight, arranged by LJ in the DC area! We'll be at the Clydes in Chevy Chase at 7pm! Let me know if you want to come!!

So far...

so good! I had my class this morning, and it went fine. We did practice shots of the SubQ and IM shots, and both were fine. The one I was really worried about was the IM one, and it wasn't bad. After the class, we jumped in the car and came home, where I gave myself my first Lu.pron shot. Overall, it wasn't bad. It did sting/itch a bit a few minutes after I was done, but other than that it was fine. I do have a dull headache, but I'm not sure if it's from work stress, or the medicine. We'll see!

After that, hubby and I went over to grab some Chineese for lunch, and had an interesting conversation. We're trying to figure out the logistics of how to do the shots. He'll keep Celia downstairs watching Dora in the morning, and I can do it quickly before she goes upstairs. Then he asked me if we should tell her what's going on. Now, she's 3, and way too young to understand what's going on. But we should give. I'm just not sure what to tell her! So if anyone out there has advice on what we should tell her, it would be fantastic. Thanks in advance!

1 day left.

Before injections start. I start off tomorrow morning with my injection class, and then promptly following, will go home and get my first injection. I'm still on the fence as to whether I'll just do it myself or have my hubby do it. We'll see how the class goes before any decisions are made. For now, I'm doing all I can not to think about the needles that are in the bathroom closet, and what it all means. Denial is my friend today!

This weekend was an interesting one! We had the wedding Saturday, and left to drive up friday. We got stuck in really horrible traffic (about 10 miles from my house was a huge accident on the expressway, which we sat in for an hour). After we finally broke through the traffic, I realized that I forgot my bcp pack. Since we were already sat in traffic for so long, and there really aren't any back roads to get back to my place without sitting in more traffic and being late for the rehersal, we just proceeded on. The wedding was nice. Celia was the perfect flower girl- I was SO proud of her! Then we left and drove home (instead of staying at the hotel again), so I could take my pill, and so I'd only have missed 1. Thankfully all is good, and only a tiny bit of spotting was the result (that always used to happen to me when I'd miss 1 pill- a little spotting, and then it would disappear as soon as the next pill got in my system). Gladly that part is still predictable. ;) Just a bit annoying, because we still had to pay for the 2nd night in the hotel, even though we checked out at 9:30pm. At least we woke up at home on Sunday, and there was no rush to get back before our appointment at the Discovery room at the library.

My husband and daughter did an amazing job at making this a great Mother's day for me. It was sort of bitter sweet. I had really hoped that I'd have another baby in my arms this year, but that clearly didn't happen. Now all I can do is embrace what I have, and hope that next year will be different. For all of you out there who are still waiting for your miracles, I thought about you a lot yesterday. I definitely realize how completely lucky I am to have had one child...and I only hope that all of you get to experience motherhood soon.

And here it is.

I picked these up after the consult with my RE last friday. I put them in the cupboard in Celia's bathroom (it's next to the kitchen), and haven't thought about them since. Or at least I'm working hard to not think about them. I do tend to look at the closet when I give Celia her bath. And when I'm laying down at night trying to fall asleep. I dont' know why I'm so anxious about starting the injections. I still have 1 week, and the class is next week (the same day as the injections start. The RE talked a lot about OHSS, which has me really concerned. I really don't want to end up with that, but apparently it's a real risk since I have PCOS.

I did take an hour today to really treat myself! My SIL is getting married this weekend, so I needed a hair cut! I had a class for work today, on Photoshop, and it ended early. So I stopped by and the salon I go to had a spot available for me! So I finally got a hair cut. It feels so great to get that done, it has been a bit. Now I can go to the wedding and feel great, and hopefully not worry about who's going to be the first to ask me "So when is #2 coming??".

So real.

I just got home a bit ago from my Mock Embryo transfer. I wish my nurse had told me to take and Advil first! I'm cramping as badly as I did after the HSG. Now granted it's not horrible, but it's really annoying, and I'm now sitting here with a heating pad relaxing. And thankfully the RE said that everything was normal. In about a half hour we have to go back, so we can meet with my RE for our "IVF consult".

I'm not sure why, but when I was laying there on the table, all I could think was "are we really doing this??" and "what are we thinking??!". To answer my self- YES, we are doing this. I'm not convinced that it will work, but I'm optimistic. I really want to give my daughter a little brother or sister, and our family another child. What we're thinking is, why not try. The technology is there for a reason, and if there is anything we can do to make it happen, I want to try! I don't like sitting back and waiting for things to happen to me.

I'm so glad it's friday. And I decided to take the rest of the day off for myself. I planned on going back to work between the two appointments, and then after the second one, but with my mom's flight coming in at noon (I thought it was at 2), and my cramping, I just want to relax and have some fun. I'm picking my mom up at 2:30, then we'll get my daughter and do some shopping. I can't think of a better way to start off Sheep and Wool weekend!! Yeah!

What a week!

Things have really moved along! Perscriptions have been ordered, insurance has been authorized, and my mock embryo transfer is tomorrow! I also see my RE tomorrow, which will be good (considering last time we saw him, we were planning on using IUI). And my injection class is scheduled (for the same day my injections start...but it was all that was available!).

I also got a mammogram yesterday- and it was all clear! I love that I'm getting things done, instead of just sitting and waiting. This weekend is my favorite weekend of the year- Maryland Sheep and Wool festival. It's about 30 minutes from my house, and I can't wait!! My mom arrives tomorrow so we can enjoy it together. Have a great weekend everyone!