Nesting

Just a warning- this post is going to be all over the place! And the last section will be a bit sensitive, but you'll know when it's coming.

First, here's a pic of Celia at her birthday party last weekend. Every time I look at this pic, I smile. She looks so happy, it's impossible for me not to.


I've definitely hit the nesting stage now. The frustrating thing is that I shouldn't be doing too much, so I'm choosing to do tasks that aren't labor intensive. Like organize all of my loose knitting patterns in a binder. And re-organize and inventory my knitting stash. Let's just say I have WAY too much yarn. Like 5 bins worth. Enough to knit enough socks to last the rest of my lifetime, at least 3 sweaters for myself, one for Nathan, and 5 or 6 for Celia. It's really that bad. But it was fun to look through the bins and see all of the colors, feel how soft it all is...and even get inspired to work on one of the projects I had started and stashed in a bin because it wasn't moving along fast enough. What projects do I really want to be working on?? The bathrooms. They both have nasty wallpaper (our bathroom has a border, and Celia's has nasty floral wall paper covering everything), all of which is falling off. And making me crazy! It's literally taking every ounce of willpower I have not to grab a scraper and a water bottle and just get the crap off! And paint the rooms. And tear out the tile baseboards in Celia's bathroom (they really need to go). But, I'm behaving, and not doing any of it.

Today, we had Celia's sibling class over at the hospital. It wasn't at the hospital I'll be delivering at, but it's at the hospital I would have been had I not elected for a tubal ligation (more on this later). So she got to sit in a class with two other boys, one of which was just younger than her, the other was closer to 6. She was so cute! She kept talking about how excited she was, and whenever the instructor asked the kids questions, she was the first to answer, and had really great answers. Then there was a tour of the mother-baby rooms, so they could see where Mommy and baby will be. There weren't any babies in the nursery, but someone had their door open, so the kids got to sneak a peek of a little one in their bassinette. Celia loved that part! Then they got to hold baby dolls, and pretend to feed them, hold them, and see them get wrapped in a blanket.

A funny thing from friday- Apparently they've been reading Harold and the Purple Crayon in class, and their project Friday was to make their own version. Celia's version was really impressive! She had all sorts of things on her pages, but the one that made me tear up was a picture of the baby that's in my tummy, but only one side of his face. Just that morning I had shown her the ultrasound pictures from the day before, which are 4D shots of the baby's face. But only one side of his face, because has arm/hand was covering the other side. Apparently it stuck with her, and she felt the need to draw a picture of it for her book. I can't wait to get my hands on this book so I can save it forever.

Now on to the sensitive part- the tubal ligation. Feel free to not read, I won't be offended.
A few months back, when I was trying to get my sugars under control, I decided that I really cannot handle another pregnancy. I know it sounds completely nuts for someone who needed IVF to conceive a second child to even consider something so permanent. At first, I didn't even consider it. Until my sugars were so high that it took 2 increases of medication to get them stable. And they still aren't perfect. Having GD makes gives you a high liklihood of developing type 2 diabetes. Each time you have GD, that chance increases more, anywhere from 20% up to about 60% from some research I've seen. Especially considering I have PCOS, and my fasting sugars are normally around 100 (should be under 90), I'd like to try to reduce this risk as much as possible. It's really not healthy for me to have another baby. I know that the chances of conceiving without help are small, but I still would always be worried that it could happen. Then there's the other side of it. Dealing with IF and going through IVF has been extremely hard, as many of you know. This last year has been the absolute worst. I have crazy unpredictable cycles, and I never want to have to wonder "could I be pregnant?" ever again. I want to completely put that out of my mind for the rest of my life. Yes, it's weak. I know I cannot handle going through IVF again, and I'm not sure my marriage would survive it either. Between that and my health, I have decided to take matters into my own hands, and since I'm having a C-section anyways, and I'll already be opened up, it just makes more sense to me to finish things then. On my terms. I won't ever have to think about it again. It puts me in control over something that has made me feel so out of control for the last 2 years. And interestingly enough, this is precisely the reason why I'll be having the baby at the hospital closer to me, instead of the hospital that my OB usually delivers out of. HC is a catholic hospital. They don't allow someone to have a tubal during a C-section. It has to be a separate surgery. No thank you! SG will allow me to do both at once, with one surgery, and one recovery.