Nursing

With Celia, I was a complete wreck. She wouldn't latch on, or take a bottle. So for the first few weeks of her life, she was impossible to deal with. I cried more than I ever admitted to anyone. Partly because I felt like a failure, and partly because I was in so much pain from trying to get her to nurse. Finally, the pediatrician yelled at me (not meanly, but he did make me feel pretty crappy), and told me to get a lactation consultant to come in and help. So I called, she came, and while she did help get Celia latching properly, it still wasn't a pleasant experience for either of us. By the time I went back to work, I had weaned her to nursing only before and after day care, and throughout the evening. So I didn't have to pump while at work. I wanted to spend as much time at home with her as possible, instead of an extra hour at work to make up for the time I spent pumping. And by the time she was 4 and a half months old, she had completely weaned herself, and was exclusively bottle fed from then on. This time around, I had absolutely no expectations, and didn't have my heart set on nursing exclusively at all. Which was a good thing, because the minute I was in recovery, and they tested Seth's blood sugar, the nicu nurse insisted on getting him fed immediately (it was like 52, which is a tad low). Since I was pretty exhausted and out of it, and knew that nursing at that moment was NOT going to happen, I gave the OK to give him a bottle of formula. Same thing went for that night. Since I was alone in the room and had had a C-section, and was still hooked up to my lovely catheter, getting up to change him or feed him was just not happening. So off to the nursery he went, and I got me some sleep!

The next day, after the catheter was out, and I was feeling a bit better, I decided to try nursing. Of course, he didn't latch on. And it hurt. So I gave up after about 5 minutes. The nurse brought in a pump for me to try, which was great. I got mere drops the first dozen times, but it was something. She also helped me get him latched for about 15 minutes the second day, but he wasn't having it. He'd latch for a minute, then let go, which is how it's been pretty much ever since. I know he's early, so that is probably part of why he's not latching well yet. I'm still trying to nurse him a few times a day. Sometimes he'll actually get it for a few minutes, but he always gives up. And you know what?? I'm OK with this. I'm not crying over it. I'm not devastated that he won't nurse properly yet. I'm working on it with him, which is the best I can do for now. I do plan to call a lactation consultant next week and really try to get this going. But for now, I'm pumping. Every 4-6 hours (at night it's more like 6), I'm pumping. And getting about 3-4 ounces out at each session. I am almost keeping up with what he needs, but I usually do give him one or two 2 ounce bottles of formula through out the day. Takes the pressure off, which is helping to make this a much better experience. I know I could pump more often and get more out, but I am trying to do what I can to take care of myself too. A stressed, unhappy, crying mommy isn't good for anyone.

I do still plan to wean him to nursing before work and after work and overnight, by the time I go back to work in May. I do not own the pump I'm using (I rented it from the other location of the same pharmacy that I used for my IVF meds, ironically). I have no desire to spend any extra time in the office than I need to after I get back to work. It's going to be hard enough to get back to the swing of things without having to worry about when I can pump, or where I can pump, and how much extra time I need to put in to make up for the pumping. I had a horrible time going back to work after Celia came, and I fully expect to have that happen again (if it doesn't happen sooner).

4 years, and one week (plus 2 days...)

This post was going to be written on Tuesday, but it just never happened! Sleep takes priority over blogging these days.

Tuesday, Celia turned 4! She got to open one present in the morning, and two after school, and she loved them all. We got her the new They Might Be Giants kids CD/DVD combo. I slept through most of it, but apparently she made Nathan put it on right away, and was singing one of the songs by the time I got up a bit later. Nathan took cup cakes into school for her to celebrate with her friends and teachers, which she was also really excited about. Then after school, Nathan picked up her cake, got her, and came home and we ordered food from Red Robin for dinner. It was the perfect day for her!

And, also on Tuesday, Seth turned 1 week old! So far, he's a really good baby. He sleeps for around 3 hours at a time, which is fantastic. He's opening his eyes more, moving around a bit more, and stays awake for more than 10 minutes at a time. Yesterday he was up for nearly 2 hours! I'm enjoying not being at work and getting to spend time with my beautiful boy. It's much more enjoyable than the first few weeks with Celia. Partially because he sleeps better, partially because I'm not stressing over nursing (which I'll still post about later). Celia is doing pretty well with him. The only issue is that he does wake up a lot in the middle of the night, and she is a pretty light sleeper. She usually gets up once with us, and sometimes twice. This morning, she was up with us at 5:20, and was NOT going to go back to sleep.

I had my 1 week post-op appointment with my OB this morning. Apparently the incision looks great, he pulled the last bits of tape off, which hurt like hell, but now it's all gone. He's pleased with how the surgery went, which is good. I go back next week, and at that point I will be able to drive again. It's good that I can't, because it would be way too easy to over do it. Especially when the recovery from the C-section has been WAY easier this time than last time. The first 3 days were absolute hell again, but after that, the pain got much easier to manage much quicker. I'm still a bit slow in walking, but at least it doesn't hurt to get out of bed. I remember still hurting to get up for about 2 weeks after the first one.

And now for a few pictures! Here's our little guy, and his big sister:

And a pic of the whole gang...don't mind me- I'm just tired!!:


Well, that's it for now. I need to pump while Seth is still sleeping!

Home

Thanks so much for the well wishes and contratulations! So far, we're all doing well! I'm exhausted, sore, and still a bit surprised that Seth is here already, but at the same time I'm SO excited!! Here's a rundown of what happened over the last few days. It's been quite the ride!

Sunday 2/17: 11PM, I took my last dose of Pro.cardia. I was so glad to be able to take it, because I had started having more regular contractions by 10 or so. Thankfully, after I had some water and went up to bed, they stopped, and I was feeling a bit better.

Monday 2/18: I got a few things done around the house, but mostly relaxed. I did run out to the mall to pick up a few nursing tops, because when I tried to order them online, they only had horrible colors and styles. Plus I was feeling surprisingly pretty good, so I figured why not?! Especially when the OB/MFM both told me that I could start doing a little more once I was past 36 weeks. After dinner, I relaxed some more. And was really excited about not having many more contractions, and overall feeling pretty great. I actually began thinking that I may actually make it to March 4th!
By about 11, I started having a few irregular contractions, but they were definitely uncomfortable. I went to bed and didn't think anything of it, since even on the pro.cardia, this was completely normal.

Tuesday 2/19: I woke up at 1 to go to the bathroom, and noticed immediately that I was extremely sore. By the time I got into the bathroom I had had a contraction that made me stop in my tracks. I went back to bed, and tried to fall asleep, but it wasn't happening. Every 5 minutes, I was contracting, and they weren't pleasant. Worse than any I was having before, even in the hospital. I went to the bathroom about 8 more times in the next 2 hours. Around about 3, I went downstairs to tell Nathan what was going on, and that I was debating on whether to call my OBs office or not. I then decided to give falling asleep one more try, so I went upstairs, grabbed some water, and layed down. I somehow passed out immediately.
Around 6:45, I heard Celia get up, so I went downstairs with her. I actually made it 10 minutes without a contraction, so I was wondering if I had imagined the whole thing? Maybe I was dreaming? Then Nathan asked how I was feeling when he came out of the shower, and I knew it wasn't in my head. I said that so far I was OK. About 5 minutes later, I had another contraction. And then every 5-7 minutes after that. I waited to make sure they were back and relatively regular before calling the OBs answering service at 7:40. Dr. P (the one who originally sent me to the hospital weeks earlier) was on, and called me back within 5 minutes. She was over at HC, and said to come there and get checked out. This is where I said that I wasn't sure what to do. Because DrB and I had our arrangement, and that he told me to insist on going to SG. I told her that at this point, I was so uncomfortable that I didn't care, and that if there wasn't a choice, I'd be there as soon as I could. She called DrB and called me back, telling me to go to SG, and depending on how things were going, she'd either be there in a bit, or DrB would come by after his office appointments were over for the day.
We dropped Celia off at preschool, and headed straight to L&D by 9am. They were expecting me, and sent me straight back to triage to check on how things were going. They got me on the monitor, and I was definitely still having contractions every 5 minutes or so. They checked my urine, which apparently did have a lot of ketones in it. So they hooked me up to an IV to hydrate me, took some blood, and let me contract away. It was pretty clear that I wasn't just dehydrated, because after 2 bags of fluid, I was still contracting like crazy, and they had gotten closer together and stronger. Yet my cervix was still high and closed. WTF? The nurse made a comment about my not actually being in labor (due to no cervical changes), and that they'd probably be trying to keep the baby in for at least another few days. So I was under the impression that as soon as one of the OBs from my practice came, that I'd be sent home. After about 12:30, the nurse came back, and said that the other DrB from my practice was on his way. About 20 minutes later, my DrB walked in, and I was really happy to see him, but suddenly really nervous that he was there. He basically asked if there was any reason why not to do this now, and I said nope! So, he got the ball rolling on the C-section. Apparently there was some lack of communication, because he was under the impression that the surgery was at 1. But there was someone in there with an emergency case, plus a scheduled c-section after that, before I was to go. So after chatting with him and getting him up to speed on where things were, he headed home for a bit, and would come back when they were ready for him. So I waited some more. Apparently the emergency C ended up taking over 2 hours (something about a knicked bladder?) and the scheduled C went quickly. And around 4, the nurses started getting my consents signed and got me ready for surgery. By 5, I went back and got my spinal block and everything started pretty quickly. I did find out that the reason why I didn't have a spinal last itme wasn't just because the needle the anesthesiologist had was too short (it was an approach issue. Apparently, I have a touch of sculeosis, which was news to me!), but this guy was quick, and got it pretty easily with the spinal block. Let me tell you that thing works FAST! Most of the surgery is a blur, and it happened pretty quickly. But thankfully, it all went textbook. Seth was born at 5:31, the tubal was done right after, and I was in recovery by 6. The best part?? My OB was the one to do the surgery. He delivered daughter and now my son, and it meant the world to me that he could be there. After about two hours in recovery, I made it up to my room. The movement was NOT good though...the nurse managed to get me a basin just in time to puke. After another hour or so, Nathan and Seth came to join me. They both stayed for about a half hour, and then the nurse took Seth to the nursery so I could rest, and Nathan headed out to get Celia, who was at our neighbors house. Thankfully they don't let you keep a baby in the room the first night if you've had a C-section and you don't have anyone staying to help you. I puked again after starting ice chips and water, which was not good. Explosive, and let's just say that the nurse came in and changed me and the bed. I got some meds for the itching (the meds the anesthesiologist gave me to help with pain wear off after about 24 hours, and one of the side effects is itching), which helped, but I was still pretty itchy. So I slept OK. Once 6am hit, they brought Seth into me, and I didn't let him out of my sight long.

He's amazing. He's adorable. I can't believe how much in love with him I am. After all that's happened during this pregnancy, it was absolutely all worth it. Just looking at his little face makes the pain, the discomfort, all of it just fade. He's perfect. Celia is doing great with him too. She is pretty taken with him, and loves to kiss his forehead. She's gotten to hold him a few times, and is a natural. It's just amazing to see her with him.

I was discharged yesterday. It's really good to be home and be able to sleep in the bed I've been sleeping in the last month. It may be a guest bed, but it's extremely comfortable. And I'm alone in there, which means no husband accidentally bumping me. I am still really sore, so that would be really bad right now.

Thankfully, the day that Seth was born, we also got some other good news. My mom's heart attack did not cause any damage! Her angio.gram went well, and they released her from the hospital! She called me in my room once I got there, and I got the good news right away. I'm so relieved!! She's feeling better too, which is huge! She and my step father will be coming down in 2 weeks, and I can't wait to give her a huge hug!

That's it for me tonight. I have loads more to talk about, but I'm exhausted. So I'm going to go feed Seth, pump, and try to get some sleep. Thanks again for all of the comments! I loved reading them while I was in the hospital (yeah for wireless!).

Greetings! Shelby and I would like you to help us welcome Seth Nathan Bidwell into the world. He was born on Tuesday the 19th of Febuary at 5:30 PM, weighing 6 pounds. If you'd like to see some pictures, please feel free to visit http://bidwellfamily.net/images/v/SethBorn/ . I expect that I'll be adding a couple more pictures there in the next couple of days as well.

Nathan posting for Shelby

Off I go

to get checked at least. Contractions started up last night around 11, and went straight through the morning. About 2-6 minutes apart, varying. I slept a little, but not much. Of course, they were really bad at 3, but waited until 7:30 to call the answering service because I didn't know what to do with Celia. More later if I know more!

change in plans

To start, I'm feeling pretty good today. Definitely having contractions, but they are irregular. However last night before bed, there was a good 50 minutes straight where I was contracting every 4 minutes (about an hour before my last dose). I was getting nervous and thought about calling the OBs office, and would have if after laying down to go to sleep, it hadn't stopped. But thankfully my last dose, and laying down made them slow down. So far so good today. Thank goodness!!

As for the change in plans, my mom called this morning and she sounded a little odd. She mentioned that she was having some mild chest pains over the weekend, and that her Doc wanted her to go to the hospital to have some tests run. But to try to hold off the baby for a few more days. That was just after 8. I went and took a nice nap (an hour and a half!), and went outside to join Celia and Nathan for a bit. I came in to make lunch around 12:30, and my stepfather called. I was expecting this, so I wasn't caught off guard. Apparently my mom had suffered a mild heart attack some time over the weekend. They didn't know when, but it seems to be what happened. She's in the hospital for a few days, and they'll run more tests. My step father had been in class (he's a finance professor at UB) all morning, and had only just heard from her. So he called me immediately, and told me what had happened, and said that my mom would not likely be able to come up and help out after the baby comes. And same goes for Celia's trip up there, to assume that it's going to be cancelled. But to call a nanny service tomorrow, and find someone to come to the house to help me out for a few weeks after baby comes, and to send them the bill. I'm not sure if I'll go that far to do that, but it was really nice for him to offer.

I am still a bit shocked, but I know heart disease does run in my family. My mom's mother died of a heart attack while driving (wasn't wearing a seat belt and smashed into a tree when I was 6 months old), my father's father died of a heart attack when my dad was 13. This is all part of the reason why I want to just stop screwing around and get healthy after the baby comes. I think the hardest thing right now, is that I'm stuck here. I'm 8 hours away, by car, and I can't get up there to be with her. If I wasn't pregnant, the second my step father called, I would have packed a bag, and gotten in the car. I'm just waiting for a phone call this evening after my stepfather gets back from the hospital to let me know how things are going. And of course, I can't call my brother to let him know what's going on, because he's on vacation in Mexico. And my step father doesn't want to worry him while on vacation if it's nothing major. But if it gets worse, he'll let him know. I hate being stuck here right now. All I can do is wait for the phone to ring, and try to be optimistic. Not easy.

1 more dose

I took my second-to-last dose at 5. After dinner, I put the last one in the bathroom, where I'll take it right before I go to sleep tonight. I don't know why I'm so afraid of what's going to happen! Worst case, I'm in pain. I call the OBs office when I get up, and end up in the hospital delivering the boy tomorrow. Best case, I'm feeling some contractions, but not many more than I am now. I know this is completely out of my hands, and I have to roll with the punches. All I know for sure, is that the last few days have been hard, and I've had way more contractions than I have in the last few weeks. As pill time comes, I've been really feeling it, where before, it would take at least an hour before I noticed anything. Now it's about an hour before.

This weekend we spent a lot of time in stores picking up last minute things, and getting as much ready as we can. Infant car seats are installed. Laundry is all done. I think we have everything we should need now. Or at least I hope we do. Something tells me that this week is the week. We'll see if I'm right.

36 weeks

I can't believe I'm already at 36 weeks! It feels like the last few months have flown by so fast. And now we're about as ready as we can be! We headed over to Buy Buy Baby after Celia's gymnastics class today to grab a few last minute things. I was also going to go ahead and buy a Medela pumpNstyle. But, as I was looking at the different models, I wasn't sure which one to get, a new mom actually came up to me and mentioned that they're way cheaper if you buy them through SG hospital's lacation consultants. I guess her mom works there, and they will even help you pick the best model for you, and show you how to use it. So I decided to wait and I'll do it that way.

All along I've been pretty ambivalent about nursing this time, since last time it was a total nightmare. But, after reading Karen's recent posts, and talking with the other second time mom at work yesterday, I decided that I really do want to at least give it a serious try this time. And that even if the baby doesn't latch well at all, a real pump will help me to be able to give the baby breastmilk for as long as possible. I do feel it's a good idea to at least really give it a good try this time. If it goes well, I may even decide to pump at work, instead of having him onto a nursing schedule like I did with Celia (only nursing in the mornings and evenings, but not during the day, so I didn't have to pump at all).

Anyway, only 5 more pills left, until I'm off the meds. I'm trying not to think about it at all, and hope that I'll be lucky and the contractions won't start up again for a while. Of course, I had procrastinated on pre-registering at the hospital, so I did that (online! Yeah!) a few minutes ago. I'm ready! And I'm hoping that the fact that I'm ready will mean that the baby isn't ready to make his appearence for another 2 weeks and 4 days. I'm getting excited, but I'm also really nervous. Especially about the whole being cut open part.

last day

Well, today was my last day going into work. I'm going to be working from home next week and the week after until the baby comes (if it takes that long). I'm so lucky to have a supervisor who is so understanding about these things! Thankfully we both know that the longer I take it easy, the longer I can continue to work, even if it is remotely. And we have some major huge deadlines that I need to work towards finishing. Or at least wrapped up enough for someone else to finish. I'm going to have to work this weekend a bit to make sure everything is ready to go, just in case.

The highlight of my day was a baby shower that my co-workers gave for us (there are 3 of us who are due between my date and the first week of April, and one guy whose wife is due April 10th. So it was a joint shower for the 4 of us, which was perfect! We had a big cake, with frosting booties in each corner (3 sets of pink ones, one set of blue) with our names under them. We all cut the cake, and relaxed and chatted for an hour and a half or so. I was very pleased when my boss had mentioned that they had decided to a joint one, and to only get gifts for the person having their first (three of us are on our second). Though there was a little surprise, and we all got a toy for our babies. My little guy got a really cute turtle toy, which I absolutey love! Celia's excited to show him how to use it too, which is cool. One other fun thing was that they did a pool. For $2, you had to guess the delivery dates and times of all 4 of us. And whoever gets closest (and second closest) will win parts of the pool. I am hoping for my delivery to happen March 4th, as is scheduled. But somehow I doubt it will happen (considering if I'm an hour late on my meds, I have more contractions that are stronger and more painful). So I put down Wednesday, Feb. 20th. We'll see if I'm right on that, or way off base. I have no idea.

After that, I left and stopped at Great Beginnings to pick up a few things (one more sheet for the crib, and a sheet for the basinette and packNplay, a blue onesie that says "I'm the baby brother", and a pink T-shirt that says "I'm the big sister", a new set of nail clippers, a hand bre.ast pump and an extra bottle. It was quite the successful trip! And I was done in 20 minutes, because I knew what I needed.

I'm so glad it's Friday. And a long weekend! While I do plan on getting some work done, much of the weekend will be spent with my feet up, relaxing, and just having fun with my daughter, while I still can.

moving along

I had my 36 week OB and MFM appointments today, since I'm 36 weeks on Sat. And they both went pretty well. The only kicker is that I'm supposed to stop taking my Pro.cardia on monday. And if I start having frequent contractions, I call and they'll have an OB (hopefully mine) meet me at SG hospital for the surgery. At this point, if I deliver, everything should go pretty textbook, so there's no need to keep medicating. The reasoning for waiting until monday is that if I need to have surgery fast, it's easier to get an OB to the hospital quicker when the office is open, versus over a weekend.

Sono went well, everything still looks good. Amniotic fluid levels were a little high again, which is something to watch, but obviously I'm doing what I can with my sugars at this point, so I can't really stop it now. This weekend, I'll have to do as much as possible to make sure I"m ready for the possibility that baby may come next week. So much to do, so little time!! Yikes!

icy

I really dislike ice! I can handle feet of snow, but when it ices, I turn into a baby and won't leave the house. This morning was particularly difficult. I have a meeting at work at 9:15, that I really want to go to (it's an update on the grant I'm on, which expires in August, and we're supposed to hear that there's still work to do after that's over). So, when I woke up and saw that the Fed Gov't was on delayed arrival by 2 hours, and that several people from my group weren't making it in, due to schools being delayed. So, after Nathan spent 20 minutes chipping ice off of the stairs to the house, I decided to stay home. I have less than 3 weeks to go, and would hate to get into an accident now. There still hasn't been an announcement saying that the meeting has been postponed, which shocks me (usually they are). So looks like I'm missing it. Which does not make me happy. But I'd never forgive myself if I slipped and fell, or got into an accident. I have to keep reminding myself that right now, the most important thing is to keep my baby safe. Everything else comes second. Of course, I feel guilty about it though. So far this week, I've worked from home because I planned on going in today, tomorrow and Friday. I really wanted to make it in 3 times this week! Tomorrow and Friday aren't an option- I have to go in. So, lets hope the ice melts today!

I also have 2 appointments tomorrow! First with my OB, and in the afternoon with my MFM. I'm curious to see how things are going in there! I'm hoping the fluid levels are going down a bit more, but I have no idea. It's impossible to tell! My sugars have been OK, but not perfect. So we'll see.

So, Monday afternoon I got really irritated with our bathroom's wallpaper border. I made an effort to just do it for 5 minutes, and it only took 2 to get the front layer off (the printed part). Now all that's up is the backing. Which needs a few sprays of water and a little scraping to come off. But at least it will be easy in there. The upstairs bathroom however, will be quite the challenge. I got irritated again, monday night, and just grabbed one of the big edges that was coming off and pulled- the entire strip off (of course, not including the backing, but at least the ugly pattern part is coming off easy). Nathan and I have just been grabbing at the edges whenever we're in there, and pulling once or twice. Celia's having fun with it too! And we were pleased with the progress (it appears to be primer under the wallpaper). Until last night, Nathan comes down and says that it's not just primer. He found up at the top, that there is a wallpaper border covered with primer. But it's blue, so it's easy to see it. And then he looked more carefully at the wall, and there's definitely wallpaper UNDER the primer! So instead of taking down the previous wallpaper, the previous owners painted over it and re-wallpapered. So that's going to be quite the challenge. Hopefully we'll be able to get both layers of wallpaper off without damaging the walls too much. But we'll see. It is really the only way to do it well, considering there are wallpaper seems on the wall. I think this will be a project I'll take on once I'm on leave and feeling well enough. And thankfully, I know what I'm getting myself into! And all it took was 5 minutes on my feet to figure it out (hey- I do have to go to the bathroom every hour, so it's not like i"m in there anyways...the 5 minutes it took me to figure this out was spread out over several visits to the potty).

As for a few comments on my previous entry- I am pretty sure they require the TL to be a separate surgery at HC hospital to make you really think twice about it. Is it really worth a second surgery? It's a deterrent so you won't do it unless you're really serious about it. If I couldn't do it at the same time as the C-section would I?? I'm not sure honestly. My husband is very willing to get taken care of, so I'd probably just have him do that instead. Either way is relatively permanent birth control. And thanks for your comments and support on this. It was not an easy decision to make, but we definitely feel that it's best for us. And the plus on delivering at SG is that I actually ended up delivering Celia there too. It's SO much closer to my house (15 minutes instead of 30+), my office is RIGHT across the street (literally) so I'll get lots of visitors from there, and, their new mother/baby wing just opened a few months ago. So the rooms are all brand new, and private.

Nesting

Just a warning- this post is going to be all over the place! And the last section will be a bit sensitive, but you'll know when it's coming.

First, here's a pic of Celia at her birthday party last weekend. Every time I look at this pic, I smile. She looks so happy, it's impossible for me not to.


I've definitely hit the nesting stage now. The frustrating thing is that I shouldn't be doing too much, so I'm choosing to do tasks that aren't labor intensive. Like organize all of my loose knitting patterns in a binder. And re-organize and inventory my knitting stash. Let's just say I have WAY too much yarn. Like 5 bins worth. Enough to knit enough socks to last the rest of my lifetime, at least 3 sweaters for myself, one for Nathan, and 5 or 6 for Celia. It's really that bad. But it was fun to look through the bins and see all of the colors, feel how soft it all is...and even get inspired to work on one of the projects I had started and stashed in a bin because it wasn't moving along fast enough. What projects do I really want to be working on?? The bathrooms. They both have nasty wallpaper (our bathroom has a border, and Celia's has nasty floral wall paper covering everything), all of which is falling off. And making me crazy! It's literally taking every ounce of willpower I have not to grab a scraper and a water bottle and just get the crap off! And paint the rooms. And tear out the tile baseboards in Celia's bathroom (they really need to go). But, I'm behaving, and not doing any of it.

Today, we had Celia's sibling class over at the hospital. It wasn't at the hospital I'll be delivering at, but it's at the hospital I would have been had I not elected for a tubal ligation (more on this later). So she got to sit in a class with two other boys, one of which was just younger than her, the other was closer to 6. She was so cute! She kept talking about how excited she was, and whenever the instructor asked the kids questions, she was the first to answer, and had really great answers. Then there was a tour of the mother-baby rooms, so they could see where Mommy and baby will be. There weren't any babies in the nursery, but someone had their door open, so the kids got to sneak a peek of a little one in their bassinette. Celia loved that part! Then they got to hold baby dolls, and pretend to feed them, hold them, and see them get wrapped in a blanket.

A funny thing from friday- Apparently they've been reading Harold and the Purple Crayon in class, and their project Friday was to make their own version. Celia's version was really impressive! She had all sorts of things on her pages, but the one that made me tear up was a picture of the baby that's in my tummy, but only one side of his face. Just that morning I had shown her the ultrasound pictures from the day before, which are 4D shots of the baby's face. But only one side of his face, because has arm/hand was covering the other side. Apparently it stuck with her, and she felt the need to draw a picture of it for her book. I can't wait to get my hands on this book so I can save it forever.

Now on to the sensitive part- the tubal ligation. Feel free to not read, I won't be offended.
A few months back, when I was trying to get my sugars under control, I decided that I really cannot handle another pregnancy. I know it sounds completely nuts for someone who needed IVF to conceive a second child to even consider something so permanent. At first, I didn't even consider it. Until my sugars were so high that it took 2 increases of medication to get them stable. And they still aren't perfect. Having GD makes gives you a high liklihood of developing type 2 diabetes. Each time you have GD, that chance increases more, anywhere from 20% up to about 60% from some research I've seen. Especially considering I have PCOS, and my fasting sugars are normally around 100 (should be under 90), I'd like to try to reduce this risk as much as possible. It's really not healthy for me to have another baby. I know that the chances of conceiving without help are small, but I still would always be worried that it could happen. Then there's the other side of it. Dealing with IF and going through IVF has been extremely hard, as many of you know. This last year has been the absolute worst. I have crazy unpredictable cycles, and I never want to have to wonder "could I be pregnant?" ever again. I want to completely put that out of my mind for the rest of my life. Yes, it's weak. I know I cannot handle going through IVF again, and I'm not sure my marriage would survive it either. Between that and my health, I have decided to take matters into my own hands, and since I'm having a C-section anyways, and I'll already be opened up, it just makes more sense to me to finish things then. On my terms. I won't ever have to think about it again. It puts me in control over something that has made me feel so out of control for the last 2 years. And interestingly enough, this is precisely the reason why I'll be having the baby at the hospital closer to me, instead of the hospital that my OB usually delivers out of. HC is a catholic hospital. They don't allow someone to have a tubal during a C-section. It has to be a separate surgery. No thank you! SG will allow me to do both at once, with one surgery, and one recovery.

A good scan!

I had an appointment with my MFM this morning, and it went quite well! I had a Biophysical Profile, and passed with flying colors!! My amniotic fluid levels weren't perfect, but lower than they were last week, which she was thrilled with. They didn't check my cervix, which I'm assuming is because it doesn't really matter what it's doing at this point. She thinks that as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, all should be fine. Good to hear, and great to have good news!

I did pack my suitcase last night, just to be ready. I figured that if I was prepared, everything would be fine, and there would be no surprise visits to the hospital. And for once, that worked out! I go back to my OB next Thurs, and then that afternoon, I see my MFM again for another ultrasound. Thursdays will be the day of appointments for the next few weeks!

Scheduled- take 2

My OB's office called this morning to work on details for my C-section/tubal ligation. Apparently when he looked at the calendar and picked a date, he didn't realize that he's at the other hospital all day that day! So, we're going with March 4th instead. At 2pm. I'm all scheduled, so let's hope that this is actually going to be the day. I'm curious to see how much it changes (which I completely expect it to). I'm guessing for the week earlier, once we see how my sugars are effecting everything. I'm being as good as possible, but sometimes it still doesn't matter.

some fun

Well, Saturday was Celia's 4th birthday party, at Chuck E Cheese. She was so adorable, and excited all morning. And was just SO happy to see her friends and teachers come to play with her. She had an absolute blast! It's hard to believe how big she's getting!! I can't believe she'll be 4 in 3 weeks! I'm just so glad I got to be there, and saw how happy she was. I do have some pics on my camera, I just haven't taken them off yet. When I do, I'll put one up.

I did realize that it's very easy for me to overdo it right now though. Saturday I went to Target to pick up a few things for the goody bags, and went to the grocery store to get the cake. Then at the party, I tried to sit down as much as I could. But apparently it wasn't enough. By Saturday night, I was having a lot more contractions than I had been lately. And yesterday, was just bad. I physically hurt and ache whenever I move because I'm so sore. And I"m still having contractions, even this morning. I had planned on going into work this morning, but that's really not going to happen. I can't even sit up for more than 20 minutes right now without having more contractions. Looks like I'll be laying low for another day or two. Only 4 more weeks to go, at the absolute most.

Heartbroken.

My heart hurts like hell for ME and Steve. Please head over and send them your thoughts and prayers if you haven't yet. Words cannot express how sad I am for their losses.

damn weather!!

I really hate weather sometimes. My mom is supposed to fly in from Buffalo today, but apparently they're in the airport has closed because of icy conditions (they're getting some freezing rain/ice). So it looks like she's grounded, and won't be coming. I'm not quite sure how to tell Celia that she's not coming. She was so excited this morning, and put on a pretty skirt to show grammie how pretty she is when we picked her up after my mom got here. I'm sure Celia will be fine, but will definitely be disappointed. At least her party is tomorrow, so we'll have something to distract her.