Friday, October 5, 2007

a bad day.

Apparently I'm having a very bad day. Last night I went over to a friend's house and had some fun beading and chatting. Got home around 10, and I got into bed, but couldn't sleep. Feel free to skip this's a big venting session. And I'm being completely stupid and irrational.

Here's the problem.

Nathan is going camping with his dad and brothers-in-law this weekend. Leaving today and coming back Sunday. Not normally a problem. But it is because he was SUPPOSED to go to the Light the Night walk and to our friends house with me. I had told him this way back in July when I found out about it. He knew about it. I told him about it at least twice, and forwarded my friend's e-mails about it. Then comes later in August, when he and his dad are finding a weeknd for their camping trip. They have 2 choices...but only one works for the other BIL. I'm obviously pregnant, and scatterbrained, and worried about spotting and things...and when he asks me if we have anything planned, I say no. Stupid. completely stupid. Now comes a week later, when I realize the mistake...but he refuses to call his dad and see about changing the trip. Fine. So I'll just take Celia with me, stay at my friend's house (instead of a hotel, which would have been more of a mini-vacation), and take Celia to the walk. Not a big deal, right? Wrong! All week I've been extremely angry with Nathan for not trying to change the date once he knew there was a big conflict. And now I'm really angry that he's going. I know I'm being completely selfish, but with everything else going on, with his job, my job (so crazy busy that I don't have a second to stop and breathe), the baby, the pain I've been having, head aches, and exhaustion, I'm feeling like I"m losing it. I need his help this weekend. Granted I'll have friends there, but they'll only be so much help. I can't exactly go take a 3 hour nap before the walk because I'm exhausted. I have to do all the driving there and back. And I'm tired and feel like crap on top of it all. Plus Celia has had some issues lately with listening. She just looks at me like I'm speaking a foreign language when I try to tlak to her and get her to do things. It's making me crazy!! I just wish he wasn't going. He KNEW that I needed his help for this particular weekend, and he refused to ask about changing it, even way back when there was plenty of time to do it.

Here's where I'm really upset. His priorities are completely fucked up. Seriously. His parents come first, followed by his job. Then Celia and I come in somewhere around 3rd or so. Maybe. He never says no to his parents. I'm sure there's been a time or two, but rarely. I'm going in for a C-section with Celia. It's made clear that we don't want them here until at least a week later. THEY FUCKING SHOW UP THAT DAY!!! Without any more warning than a phone call saying they're on the way. And then his lovely mother has the nerve to yell at me (less than 48 hours after said C-section) about not christening Celia. Hello- I'm Jewish!! I may not be practicing, but that's still never going to happen. So help me if they show up this time- I'm not allowing them in the room. Security will be called. I know it sounds extreme, but I don't want the extra stress. Last year, around this time, my mom and stepdad came for a visit. His parents were also coming to visit the same weekend because it was the same weekend as teh marathon. He never told me. Or he says that he did, like a year earlier- a lot of good thats' going to do. So he says his parents are staying with us. I ask him to please get them to stay at a hotel, because it was going to be too much with my mom and stepdad here too. That way we could coordinate things betteer without having to do everything as a group (I seriously hate group activities). He says they won't be a problem, and that he doesn't want to ask them to stay in a hotel. So they stay. And yet another bad weekend happens when it's crappy weather out and I'm stuck in Reston waiting for the marathon to end. With a kid who's miserable. They told me that if it got cold/windy/I wanted to go, that I could. But every time I grabbed Nathan and said -let's go, he refused. His dad was almost done...and over 2 hours later, I'm finally sitting on the metro, fuming. Last time I get roped into anything. Now this, where he won't ask his dad about changing things. It's a freaking camping trip, not brain surgery! It's like he's afraid to ask his parents for anything. I'm just so frustrated! Then there's the whole life insurance thing (which he still hasn't taken care of!!!). When he's like this, I really dislike him.
So he's on his way camping right now, and part of me is so glad that I don't have to look at him for a few days. I know a big part of this is completely irrational, but I'm pregnant and hormonal, so I have that right to be irrational. I'm really sore and I hurt (any time I move, get up, shift, sit, roll over), I feel like crap, and I have no idea how I'm going to manage this weekend without him there as backup.

Vent over...sorry for just laying it all out there. I just really needed to. I love my husband, but some things really make me nuts.