My contribution.

Here's my contribution to the IF community. I have an etsy shop, where I sell handpainted yarn. I've come up with a special colorway, called Pomegranite, to represent Infertility's Common Thread. I've got 2 weights of yarn, Fingering weight (perfect for socks, or a lightweight scarf, OR worsted weight, which would make an amazing hat, scarf, or gloves, or anything else you can think of! Between now and December 31st, 2007, I will be donating $5 of the procedes of this Pomegranite yarn to a IF/adoption blogger who could use some extra cash to help through treatments/adoption!! I will also be donating 10% of the procedes from all other yarn sales from my site to the same blogger! Who will it be? Well, if you comment on this post, I'll put you in the drawing for this cash!! I have no idea how much it will be, but every little bit helps! You don't have to be a knitter or buy anything from my shop to be entered! Comment away!

I'm going to leave this post at the top of my blog so everyone can find it easily.

Here's the link to my shop Shelby B's Designs.

Worst and best.

2007 has both been the absolute worst and one of the best years I've had. At the beginning of 2007, I was looking forward to starting IUIs, which I was convinced would work pretty quickly. I had no idea what the different categories of a SA were, what ICSI was, what IVF really entailed, how it would feel to give myself injections daily, and the real toll that IF treatments take on a person and their loved ones. I was completely nieve. As the year progressed, I came to be very familiar with all of these things.

Here's my year in review-
January- submitted my new insurance card to SGF. 2 insurances are better than 1 when IUIs are covered at 50%! Up to Buffalo for my friend's stagette- man did I feel old out clubbing at bars I went to in my twenties! I also took my first trip to Las Vegas with my dad, aunt and uncle, other uncle, and 5 cousins. It was absolutely amazing!!
February- Glitch- insurance needed documentation from RE supporting my hubby's SA results. We meet with RE for consult- it seems the SA results were not good, and that IUI will not work, unless there's a miracle. IVF is our only option. Celebrated our little girl's 3rd birthday!
March- One of my best friends (R) and her husband get married the day after our 5 year wedding anniversary- it was also their 5 year dating anniversary since they got together at our wedding!! It was a fabulous party, and great to get hammered and celebrate with friends. see OB/GYN for 6 month check-up. He's shocked at the REs findings, but is very confident that IVF/ICSI will work, considering I've had one previous pregnancy that ended in the birth of our daughter. Also went home for my other best friend's (K) wedding shower, which was a lot of fun. Started this blog and found a community of women and men who are also dealing with infertility.
April- prepare mentally for IVF. Start bcp and get going.
May- cycle cancelled because of cysts. My SIL gets married!! We drive to Buffalo for Memorial Day weekend for K's bachelorette party- a pole dancing class and The Chocolate Bar- LOTS of fun!!
June- start and complete IVF #1. Celebrate my 31st birthday and my husband's 28th birthday. Another trip to Buffalo for K's wedding! We also take a vacation in the Finger Lakes for a whole week! Three days of which were just me and husband. We had an amazing time!
July- BFP!!! I was so excited and terrified at the same time when I saw the second line for the first time. Was it real? Would I lose a baby or end up with a viable pregnancy? Well, both happened. Twins turned into 1 healthy baby. Graduated from SGF!
August- See OB, who is thrilled!! All seems normal!! Referred to Dr. H, a MFM specialist.
September- see Dr. H, have first trimester screen, and all is perfect! But she's concerned with my sugars, and starts me on meds and testing immediately. Some spotting turns out to be nothing.
October- See OB and Dr. H again, stubborn child won't show us his/her sex! Sugars are not great, need to change my diet a lot. Also went to California for a conference!
November- another scan with Dr.H, we're having a boy!! See OB. Trip to Buffalo for Thanksgiving!
December- See Dr. H again. See OB. All is good. Celia's 4th Christmas, and this one was by far the best!

The first half of the year was mixed with good and bad, and the later half of the year was mostly great. I feel so lucky and fortunate to be where I am right now, 29 weeks 2 days pregnant with our son. It's been one hell of a year though. The ups and downs were awful. Sometimes it brought my husband and I closer together, others it pushed us farther apart. Definitely the most challenging year yet, and I'm SO glad it's over. The one unexpected good thing to come out of all of this cycling and treatment is that it has really helped me to appreciate my daughter even more than I did before. And therefore be a better parent. My daughter is my life. While I do lose patience with her from time to time (mostly at bedtime!), she's an amazing kid, and I make sure she knows just how much she means to me. I've made a point of spending more time with her and talking to her. She's only 3 but has SO much to say!!

We also decided to work towards a goal of moving back to the Buffalo area. Many of the reasons we left are also the reasons we want to move back. It's been really good to get away and establish our marriage and life on our own. But now we're ready to go back, and be closer to family. And deal with real snow again! Let's just hope the housing market here rebounds quickly, so it's an actual possibility for 2008!

What I'm looking forward to in 2008 is absolutely the birth of our second child. Another C-section will not be fun, but I'm looking forward to meeting this little guy! And having 3 months off from work. That will be really fantastic! Getting to know my daughter as a big girl- she'll be 4 in february!! Making time to spend with her, and being able to talk like we've started to. Getting back to normal again (if it's even possible), will also be really nice. Not worrying about getting pregnant (or not getting pregnant) again will be a nice. Hopefully with that pressure being gone, we can really start to focus on what we have and not what we can't seem to get.

I really do wish that everyone who is in search of a BFP will get theirs this year. I reallly, really, really am wishing hard for it. I hope everyone has a happy and safe new year!

All fixed!

Nathan came home for lunch yesterday (bringing food from Panera!), and easily saw what the problem was. Apparently the seal that goes from the tank to the metal tube that connects to the water line was shot. So he shut off the water, and planned to stop at Home Depot on the way home. At least it was a cheap and easy fix, and he was done in less than 10 minutes (which is huge for him...he's great at fixing things but most things take hours). Since he had to stop at Home Depot, and we had sandwiches for lunch (which was what I planned for dinner), I called him up and asked him to meet us at Applebees (it's right next to Home Depot) for dinner. So we got there around 5:15 and were seated pretty much right away. We ordered relatively quickly, and then waited for our food. Now last time we were there, I got an appetizer, which arrived at the same time as our dinner. So this time, I decided to pass on the appetizer. Which of course, made it so our dinner would take over an hour to get to our table. About 20 minutes after our order went in, the waiter came back to say they were out of corn dogs- which is what Celia had ordered. She was a bit upset, but brushed it off pretty well and chose the Mac and cheese instead. It was at least another 40 minutes until our food arrived, and I was famished!! Of course, my order was wrong. I had ordered the new meal with 3 mini cheeseburgers and fries. What came out?? Four mini cheeseburgers with lettuce and tomato. Now if I wasn't so hungry and really wanting some fries, I would have been fine with it. But I was STARVING and really wanted my fries!! So I told my waiter the problem and instead of leaving my plate and bringing me some freaking fries, he took my plate away!! I had to wait another 5 minutes for my food. Which wouldn't have been an issue, if I wasn't so freaking hungry! Let's just say after that, it will be a while before we go back to that particular Applebees.

it's always something.

I'm SO glad I am working from home today! I went into the upstairs bathroom for a potty break, and as I was about sit, I saw a drip of water hit the floor. From the toilet. Not a good thing!! Then I watched it for a minute, in case I was losing my mind, and I saw a few more drips. Again, from the toilet tank. So I run and call my husband, because I have no clue what to do here, and he asks me if I can get down and turn the valve. I tried not to laugh at him too hard, but it's in a corner, between the tub and toilet that has maybe a foot between them. And I'm supposed to squeeze where? Um, yeah. Not happening. So, he asked if I could try to get a bowl under there to catch the water until he can come home and do it himself. At least he didn't pack a lunch today, since he was busy running around and cleaning up clutter before our cleaning ladies arrived. So he'll be home for lunch, and a quick toilet check to see what's going on with it. This bathroom seriously needs to be gutted, but I don't want to have to do it. I'm hoping we can just get away with fixing the problem and not dealing with the rest. I'd hate to spend thousands on redoing a bathroom which we don't plan to use very often.

Oh what fun!

Celia's 4th christmas was an absolute blast!! I woke up to hit the bathroom around 6:15, and heard her wake up around 6:30, singing. She was singing "Jingle Bells" very quietly from her bed. It was absolutely precious! We waited for her to get up, which didn't happen until 7:20! I walked into her room around then, and she jumped up out of her bed, and asked if Santa came. When I said that he did, she squeeled and jumepd into my arms. It is one of those memories I hope I never, ever forget. She had fun opening her stocking, and actually took a break for some almond danish while Nathan got the webcam/skype up and running so his family could watch the festivities. Celia loved being able to see everyone, and showing everyone her presents. We all were spoiled rotten too, which is always fun! Santa brought Celia a bike, a sled ("the biggest sled ever!"), some legos, matchbox cars, and a few other things. She loved it all! Nathan got me a speaker system for my ipod, so I can have music where ever I want without having to use headphones. This will be very useful for when I'm dyeing, beading, cooking, or just want to rock out in the shower. I'm REALLY excited about that! I also got the knitting needle attatchments that I wanted from KnitPicks. Last year he got me the interchangable needle set, and since then they've come out with a new set with wooden tips. The nice thing, is that the metal and wood needle tips work on all cables, so I've now got some wooden tips, and also some new DPNs for more sock knitting. I swear, I have about 10 pairs of socks on the needles, so I always need more! One other awesome thing we got was from Nathan's parents- they gave us a gift certificate to Melting Pot!! I'm so psyched about this, and we're planning a night out in January to use it up before the baby comes. Especially when our 6th anniversary will be probably just before then (anniversary is March 2, baby will likely come the first week of march). And one of my SILs gave us a blown up picture of Celia that she took. She's an amazing photographer, so it really was quite an impressive gift! My Dad sent us a check so we'll use half for Celia, and split the other half between us. My mom's gifts did arrive, but we're waiting for her to get here on Saturday to open them. Much more fun that way!

Today I got some work done, but thankfully it was from the comfort of my couch. I love being able to login and be able to work from home once in a while. I did take a detour to the hospital to get my Rhogam shot. Gotta love being O negative. At least the wait wasn't too bad, and the shot didin't hurt at all- it was an IM and the nurse did it fast and easy. Before she did it, she asked if I was ready- I almost laughed and said that it was just another of many IM shots I've had in this pregnancy, but I resisted. I also got my hair done the other day. I wanted to go back to my natural color, so I don't have to worry about dealing with highlights when the baby gets here. The stylist suggested dyeing my roots to match the highlights (which totally defeats the purpuse since I'd have to do that regularly to keep it up), or going darker. So, I went darker. And man is it dark!! I know it will fade a bit over the next week or two, but man is it dark! I like it though. It's kind of a shock at first, but it is a lot of fun. I do that every so often- have the need to drastically change my hair. In grad school I cut it SHORT. I've dyed it red several times. This time, I'm going dark brown. My first thought was that it is the color of my cousin M's hair...which I do love. So it's definitely a good change. Just glad I have a few days before I have to hit the office again. Let it mellow out a little first.

I'll try to post pics in a few days. I realized the other day that I haven't posted any belly shots yet! I'll have to change that some time this week. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season! New Years is just around the corner. I can't believe it's almost 2008!!! I'm really excited about that because the summer olympics are this year, and I can't wait for Celia to see the gymnists compete!! She's really into gymnastics and it would be fun for her to see what she could do with it if she wants to. Fortunately or unfortunately, she's built for it and she loves it. Not that I'd ever let her compete like that, unless it was something she really wanted for herself.

Happy Christmas Eve!!

I can't believe that Christmas is tomorrow! Today has been an incredible day so far, and I feel like a kid awaiting the big day tomorrow! Celia has been great! Nathan had to work this morning, so Celia and I took advantage of that and went out for breakfast at IHOP. First time in ages that I managed to resist the pancakes! I ended up getting scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, potatoes and toast (only ate a bit of the potatoes and a quarter of the toast). It was SO good!! I wish I could make my scrambled eggs taste like that! After that, we headed home and watched Snow White for the tenth time this weekend. I called my OBs office and my bloodwork results were in, so we headed over there to grab them. Now I'm set for my Rhogam shot on wednesday. After we got home, we relaxed some more and played Candy Land. I still love that game! Nathan came home around 1 (we were going to have lunch and had some words when I called him at work at 12:30 and he hadn't left yet!) and we got lunch. I was STARVING! But we went to Green Turtle, so I ate well and was pretty content that it didn't completely kill my blood sugar (I splurged a little and had a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and tomato bisque soup AND some fries). After we got home, Nathan took Celia over to the elementary school (basically in our back yard) to play at the playground and I took a much needed 2 hour nap!

Celia has been running around the house in excitement all evening. She found Nathan's santa hat, and made him wear it and has been calling him Santa ever since. It's really cute!! It was so nice to have a day of "girl fun" with her. Or at least most of a day. She has been SO good, it's impressive. I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I have told her several times that Santa doesn't come to a houses of little girls who are naughty.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas tomorrow! Or at least enjoy a day off if you don't celebrate. My christmas wish this year is that all of you receive your BFPs this year and go on to have healthy babies! I can't wait to see what the new year brings! Hopefully only happiness!

Third Trimester.

Wow! I'm now officially at 28 weeks, which means I'm in my third trimester! I'm just so amazed that I've made it this far! If things go as they did with Celia, I'll be delivering in 10 weeks. 10 weeks!! The thought brings tears to my eyes! I can't wait to meet the little guy who has been playing soccer with my insides! Just not yet...let's give it a bit longer first!

I'm having to deal with the fact that I can't do everything I expect myself to be able to. Like today. We went to Wegmans down in Fairfax to do our grocery shopping for the holidays (yes...I drove 40 minutes to buy a freaking ham). We spent about 2 hours there, between grabbing pizza for lunch (REAL pizza too- yummy!!). After we got home, I baked cookies (cut-outs), relaxed for an hour, and it was time for dinner. Needless to say, I was way too tired to cook the beef tenderloin that I picked up at Wegmans, so it was off to Ruby Tuesdays for us! Then after we got home, we all decorated the cookies together. Usually I'm a total perfectionist when it comes to cut-out cookies and decorating them. But this year, we all jumped in, helped, and they look fun! Lots of bright colors and tons of sprinkles. It's hard to figure out what NEEDS to get done, what can slide, and what I can slack on. But if I don't come up with a good balance, I'll end up completely worn out and exhausted, which isn't good for any of us.

We've got a lot to do to get ready, and I finally feel like it's OK to start doing just that. We need to paint the nursery. Put the crib together, basinette together, get some boy clothes, and that sort of thing. The nice thing about having a baby after Xmas is that I'll be able to take full advantage of the sales! And I need to prepare mentally for his arrival. I'm really trying hard to avoid ending up with postpartum depression again, but I have a feeling it's inevitable. At least I know what signs to look for this time. I hope!

Notice I keep saying "he/him/his?" We still don't have a name for him. We can't agree! And it's getting annoying!! I'm hoping to have something pinned down in the next few weeks, but who knows!

Ok...I'm tired. I'm going to bed now. Sad that it's 9 and I can barely keep my eyes open.

holidays

I have a love-hate relationship with this time of year. As a child, I was amazed by everything! I loved lighting the menorah, decorating the tree, and spending time with family. And of course, Santa was my favorite part! As you get older, the magic seems to die a bit. I still remember the Christmas eve about 10 years ago, when my dad packed up his stuff and left. I was completely crushed. I knew my mom and dad weren't happy, and that things were going on that I didn't know about, but I didn't understand how he could leave his family on Christmas eve. I remember going shopping with friends (who kindly took me out to get my mind off things), and walking around the Boulevard Mall, trying not to cry the entire time. I felt numb. And how awful it must have been for my mom, to have her husband walk out on Christmas Eve. I got home, and my dad was back. He couldn't commit to leaving, made my mom some promises, and swore that things would change. I knew better at that moment, and knew it was just a matter of time. Another woman was involved, and while he was back, he wasn't really there. We went through the motions that year, no one was really happy. We all knew the inevitable was coming, and it did. 2 months later my dad left for good, and my parents were separated and divorced by the end of summer. While I know associating this with christmas is completely unfair, it's hard for me not to. The following Christmas, my mom, brother and I took a train to NYC to get away from the memories. We saw "A Christmas Carol", had amazing food, and just spent time together. It was great! But in the back of our heads, were the memories from the year before.

Ever since, I've dreaded this time of year. I tend to crawl into a shell, hide away and wait for the time to pass. This year it's been really easy to do at work, since we've been in a transition period and I was the first of many to move to our new spot. I had the place to myself for a few weeks. But at home, I can't really hide at all. My daughter is really experiencing Christmas for the first time. Even though this is her 4th Christmas, it's so different this year! She knows who Santa is, helped us really decorate the tree. Helped bake cookies. Helped wrap some presents. She's experiencing all of the magic that christmas should bring! She also was the same with Hanukkah. She loved lighting the candles, playing dreidel, and eating the latkes and brisket I made. Her joy is starting to rub off on me, and is helping me to really love the holidays again. While I'm pretty far away from being joyful this time of year, it's definitely helping me get excited for christmas again. It's amazing to me, how one event around the holidays can change how you feel about it for ever. I'll probably never let a christmas eve pass without thinking about the one years back when my dad left (and came back). I'm just really glad that the sadness associated with it is really starting to diminish, and I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year. My daughter's magic is rubbing off on me, and I'm so grateful for that!

I hope all of you have a wonderful Holiday season, and that this is the last you'll have to get through before your dreams come true.

another peek

Today I had my ultrasound with the high risk doc, and my OB appointment! Baby boy has gotten a lot bigger since last time, he is now measuring in at approximately 2 pounds 7 ounces! What a big guy! Everything else looked perfect, except for the fact that he's breech. Not that I had any hopes for a VBAC (I was pretty sure I didn't want to attempt it), but it would have been nice to have the option there! I am glad however that he isn't transverse anymore. That was getting quite uncomfortable. I thought I felt him rotate a bit last week, and I'm glad that I was right. However it's a very good thing we got a peek 4 weeks ago! Otherwise we'd have not been able to find out the gender. Something about my uterus and babies butts like being jammed way down at the bottom. At any rate, she was very happy with my ultrasound, and the fact that my sugars have been way better. Not perfect, but usually it's because I've been bad. Like tuesday morning, yes I did have to have that banana with breakfast!!

My OB's visit was short and sweet. While I didn't get stuck for the glucose screen, I did get stuck for an antibody check. I'm Rh negative, so they need to check my antibody level so I can get my rho.gam shot. I should have the results tomorrow morning, so hopefully the shot can happen tomorrow afternoon. The only annoying thing is that even though I work RIGHT across the street from Sha.dy Gr.ove hospital, I have to drive all the way over to Ho.ly Cro.ss for the shot. Hopefully it won't be too busy tomorrow afternoon. Otherwise I'll just wait until wednesday next week.

Celia is feeling a bit better. Her cough is awful still, but at least she's not feeling as sick as she did yesterday. She hasn't been resting as much today. Yesterday the entire day was spent resting on the couch with me. It was really nice. I hate it when she's sick, but it's so nice when she curls up with me and rests. Not something she normally does often at all. Thankfully my throat is a bit better today too, so hopefully it's going to disappear on it's own.

sickness

Well, the kiddo has had a cold for about a week and a half to 2 weeks now. Every day she keeps pouting and saying how she doesn't feel good and wants to go to the doctor. But it's just a cold, and I don't want to waste the doctor's time. So last night, the cough completely changed. It's much deeper and more chesty, so to the Doctor we'll be heading this morning. I was able to get her in at 11 (or was it 11:15? I need to write these things down!), but it was quite an ordeal getting the appointment. I called the office we go to, and there was a message saying to call the other office since no one was in to answer phones. So I do, and finally get through after 10 minutes of trying. They say that they just talked to the office we use, and that I have to call there, that the person was in to answer the phones now. Crap. So I waste another 10 minutes dialing to get through, and finally do, and the earliest I could get her in was 11. Usually when I call early, I get through pretty quickly and can get the 8:30 appointment (since I live 5 minutes from the office). So my work day is now screwed up, I will get a little done this morning from home, but then I have to take her to the doc, get her checked out, find out if we need to get meds or take her to school or keep her home the rest of the day. What a huge pain in the arse. And I wouldn't be as worried if I wasn't feeling like crap too. Though for me, it's my throat. If she's sick and has an actual infection, then I need to get in to the doc too. I'm pretty sure mine is just viral though.

Well, at least I have an appointment for a massage tonight at 5:30, so I"ll be nice and relaxed. My back has really been killing me the last few days, so I really need it.

EDITED: Well, we're back from the pediatrician, and it looks like Celia has low-grade pneumonia! I had no idea! I'm so glad I took her in, since I almost didn't. He spent a bit of time listening to her lungs, and there's definitely a good infection going on. So she's on antibiotics, and hopefully will be on the mend soon. She's home from preschool today and tomorrow, and thankfully the hubby will stay with her tomorrow, since I have my peri and OB appointments tomorrow morning! And I may have to squeeze in a GP appointment if my throat isn't any better tomorrow.

baking

Yesterday was the annual "drink and bake" with some friends, and we had some fun!! We got started around 9:30, and made 10 different types of cookies. I made only 3, but didn't feel so badly about that, since I was exhausted and had to sit down and take a lot of breaks. Plus with one oven it's hard to coordinate baking times, temps, and the like with 3 people. I left a bunch of dough I did the night before for this morning. All of the cookies were amazing! And most of them were new recipes (with the exception of 2 of mine...I always do Andes Candies/Milk chocolate chip cookies, and cut-out butter cookies. After baking, the three of us headed to Carrabbas, for a nice dinner out after our long day of baking. The food was amazing as always, I love it there!!

Today I did a little more baking and may do some more this afternoon. But I'm so exhausted, that I may just put it off until next weekend. But we'll see how the days goes. I definitely need a nap. I thankfully was able to ask Nathan to head to Target this morning to get the last few things for Celia, and do the grocery shopping. I also asked him on the way out if he'd mind bringing home drive-thru for lunch. Don't care where, as long as I get something to eat that I don't have to prepare. Especially since I'm making Chili for dinner.

Later, I'll post a pic of all the cookies we made yesterday. Thankfully they'll make some great gifts!

A few random things

First, I need to take a second to tell you about JJ! For those of you who don't know of her, you should! She's an extremely talented IF blogger, who has an amazing Christmas CD out! She has a beautiful voice, and has put together a CD for the holidays! She's selling it over on her blog to help fund her IVF treatments, and I got my copy last week. It's really beautiful, and I love all of the songs on it! It's been in my car since I got it, and it's the perfect addition to anyone's holiday collection! Thanks for sharing your voice with us JJ!!

Pregnancy update- Things are going well! My sugars are MUCH better after upping the night dose, which is a huge relief. I've been having a little bit of cramping here and there, but apparently that's normal. Nothing regular, or strong. And baby is moving around like crazy! I must get kicked 100+ times per day. I'm pretty sure he's still transverse, which is stretching me in ways I've never been stretched. My next ultrasound is next thursday, so just over a week to go!!

Kid update- I had Celia's first parent-teacher conference on Monday. I do talk with her teacher most days when I pick her up from school, but it was nice to get a chunk of 1-on-1 time with her, really get an idea of what they're learning and working on, and how Celia is doing. Her report card was as close to stellar as you can get! She's right on target for her age developmentally, which is always good to hear. And she loves to learn! It was great too, because I got to see Celia in the middle fo the day. Granted, it was during naptime, so she was on her cot the whole time, but she actually stayed there! And I got to give her hugs and kisses when I left. We were so proud of her, that we decided to take her out for dinner and to the library that night. She was so excited about that, and picked ChickFilA as her restaurant of choice. She's been so good since too! Even listening better! At the bottom of the post, I'm going to put a pic of our girl, as we were celebrating Hanukkah. And a pic of her with her new haircut.

This afternoon Nathan and I are taking a half day to do some more Xmas shopping. It's hard to find time to shop for Celia (or at least "santa" shop for Celia) when she's with us. Or on the weekend, because everywhere is just so crowded. I purposely saved 4 hours of personal time to use for this- and I have to use it by the end of the year, otherwise I lose it. Hopefully we can agree on some gifts for her.

Just 3 more days til the weekend! I've got some recipes together for my baking day, and I just need to find 1 or 2 new ones I haven't tried before. Now I just need to hope that we don't get snowed out.

Here's a few pics of our girl. I'm just so incredibly proud of her this week!!

nice weekend

So thankfully, after my crappy day on Thursday, I had a fantastic weekend. Very busy, but it was a lot of fun. And we had literally NO plans. I had been invited to a cookie party on Sunday, but I decided with being sick and exhausted, that it wasn't a good idea to overdo it.

Saturday, as we were getting Celia ready for gymnastics, I was trying to get her to let me brush her hair and put it in pig-tails to keep it out of her face. She was not having any of it though, and she completely refused. I told her that if she wants to keep taking gymnastics, that it might be a good idea to cut her hair shorter so it's not in her face, since she won't let me put it up. She was so excited about that idea. I asked her if she was sure that she wanted it short, and she said "mommy, it will grow back!". Smart kid. So after her class, we went to the mall for Xmas shopping, to get her new boots/hat/scarf/mittens, and to see Santa. Since Santa was late, we decided to just get her hair cut anyways. Since it was a shorter cut, we went to Bubbles (which is the salon I usually go to) which was in the mall. Much better than the cartoon place as far as quality of hair cut goes. At the cartoon place they're all about speed, not style. So she got a really great hair cut (for a whopping $25), and was all set to see Santa. Her pics turned out way too cute too. She's really becoming such a big girl. After we did that, we did a little shopping and grabbed lunch. By 1, the mall was mobbed, so we left and went home. Spent the afternoon watching TV (and I took a nap), and went to my favorite Mexican place for dinner. YUM!! Then Nathan and I sat and watched a movie ("Little Miss Sunshine"), which was great! I really enjoyed it. It was nice to watch a movie that we both could watch (not a chick flick).

Yesterday was cleaning day. I went grocery shopping (early, before it got busy), then came back and we started on the office. 2 hours later, we can walk in, we got rid of a bunch of boxes, and things are getting more organized. This is so exciting to me! The last month and a half, I've had to close the door so the cleaning lady wouldn't go in there (it was really impossible to walk in there without tripping). And yesterday, I vacuumed it! I still can't see my desk, but I can live with that for now. That's a project for next weekend. Maybe. Then we hit the kitchen, and worked on the piles on the island. It was basically covered with piles of papers, and random things. Getting better, but still have some work to do before my cookie baking extravaganza on Saturday. I've got 2 friends coming Saturday (both worked at the same place I do, in a different group. One still does, the other now lives in PA right near Wilmington, Delaware, and we've been getting together every year for the last 5 years to bake cookies together. Usually margaritas are involved, and we end up baking like 15 different types of cookies. YUM!

So that was my weekend. My favorite part was dinner last night. I made beef-barley soup. Using my favorite barley/lima bean soup mix and some beef ribs. It turned out SO well! I've never seen Celia eat anything the way she ate that soup. It made me really happy.

Another interesting thing was a phone conversation I had with my mom last night. I was telling her about my job changes that may be happening. I said something like "I just wish that this had happened 6 months ago". I'd have been so much better off if I had time first. Instead of having it happen as I'm getting ready to start thinking about being on leave for 3 months. She laughed at me, and said that I was crazy! That if this had happened 6 months ago, that I would have snapped and said "fuck this, I quit!!". And sadly, she's right. That was just as I was going through IVF. I was not in a great place to be dealing with any major changes at that point. I probably would have walked out of the meeting the other day after saying just those words. I was really amazed at how in tune she was with how I was really doing then. How hard it really was to make it through the cycles leading up to and during IVF. It made me want to reach through the phone and give her a huge hug. She really is the best.

sucky day

Yesterday afternoon was busy!! I had 2 meetings, back-to-back, which can always be stressful. The first was a "Communications" meeting, which is basically an all hands meeting, to clear up some of the rumors going around. There are always rumors going around, and we never know what to believe, so it's nice to have these meetings once in a while. The president was there and did most of the talking. Including telling us that we'll all be receiving a copy of his new autobiography next Thursday if we show up to work. And that they'll all be signed copies. I'm glad I didn't go buy one, since I thought about it. I may not always love what I do, but it is pretty cool work.

Anyways, after the all hands meeting, we had a meeting within my group, which is now just 7 of us. It was good to find out some of the other things going on, but a little upsetting at the same time. I was hoping to get through to my Maternity leave without any major changes to my every day job, and it looks like that may not happen. Not exactly great news. But we'll see how things go. I'm open to anything at this point. I just can't wait for my maternity leave to start...I so need a break from all of the drama!

Whole new person!

Feeling MUCH better today!! And, the roads were clear, which was a huge plus. I got to work in plenty of time to make my massage, which was fantastic. I love that they bring in a massage therapist twice a month. For $30, I get a half hour of bliss...and it was amazing today. Apparently my left shoulder and left side of my neck are very tight and really knotted up. Maybe I should schedule a full hour at a spa one of these days. The last hour long one I had was in California, so it's been a while.

Have back-to-back meetings to go to this afternoon, so the rest of the day should hopefully fly by!

Let it snow!

Still feeling like crap, so I was on the fence on whether or not to make it into work today. When I saw the snow, my decision was finalized easily. People around here drive like NUTS in the snow. Like it's the first time they've ever seen the stuff! I was very impressed that the schools in Montgomery county were actually open! We have about an inch now, and it's still coming down in pretty fat flakes. My husband took the kiddo to day care this morning, and headed for work. About 30 minutes later, he called to say I should be glad that I didn't bother going on- 270 was closed going south due to an accident, and traffic was barely moving anywhere. He had just passed the onramp to 270. About a half hour later, he calls back, and says that he finally got to the point where you can turn around, and he did. He had barely moved 1/4 of a mile in a half hour. And apparently 355 was a mess because of all of the 270 bail-out traffic (he works right off of 355, but first has to go down it a few miles). So he got home at 9:15, over an hour after he left the house. Needless to say, he's working at home this morning, and may go in after lunch if necessary, but considering most of the guys he works with have decided to work from home, he likely will stay too.

It really amuses me to see how nutty everyone gets in the snow here. At home, we'd get 8 inches of snow overnight, and it would still be coming down in the morning. We'd brush off our cars, and head to work or class. UB never closes! It takes like 3 feet at a time to get the school to close. And maybe 18 inches to get the districts to close.

I was saying this morning to Nathan, one of the other reasons I really want to move back is because of the snow- the VERY reason I insisted so much on leaving in the first place. As a kid, I used to live for the snow. On weekends, I'd be out in my back yard, playing in the snow, making snow angels, skiing on my cross country skis, building forts, snowmen, and just having crazy fun snowball wars. It was the best! Here, we're lucky if we get enough snow to use a sled once a year. Now, I can't ski (my knees would dislocate if I fell), but the skiing there is fabulous too. I could do the lodge with some knitting and hot chocolate or a hot tottie. I still find it ironic that the very reasons we left are the same reasons we want to go back. Now if only the housing market would cooperate, we won't have to put up with another fall/winter here!

blech.

So this morning, I woke up feeling off. I couldn't figure out what it was, but something was just weird. I went into work, worked straight through the morning, had lunch, and then it hit me. I suddenly had a splitting headache and my stomach was not good. Including the fact that I'm congested and have been coughing and sneezing, it didn't make for good combination. Needless to say, I made it until about 1:30, when I got to my car and drove straight home. I feel like I'm coming down with something. So I slept, from 2 until 4:30. It helped a little (or at least the Tylen.ol helped my head). Yeah, I'm so taking it easy tonight. And the Latkes didn't happen at all. The thought of anything fried or greasy makes me want to vomit.

I hope that getting the nap and getting to bed early helps. This really is not fun.

Woo hoo!!

85 this morning! Two days in a row where my blood sugar was below 90!! I'm so excited! I hope this is a new trend, and that I can stop expecting it to be 110.

I've had some very odd dreams the last few nights. One last night involved having an emergency C-section at 25 weeks, but they didn't take the baby out. They went in for something, and tried to close me up, but the "fast acting" anesthesia was not working. So I could feel them closing me up. Then they said that something was wrong and that the baby was in distress and I was bleeding too much. Scared the crap out of me! I woke up, and the baby was kicking me like crazy. It was kind of funny, but I was definitely a bit panicked. In another dream, I was staying in a hotel with a group of women I went to high school with. Some of them I haven't seen in 10+ years, others I have seen more recently. We each had our own rooms, and we were all pregnant and had OB appointments. And all had to take the Glucola for the GD screening test. Some had different flavors, and I was jealous, because I had orange. But I was the only one with a fridge in my room. Then I went to the bathroom, and heard Barenaled Ladies' version of "Auld Lang Syne" coming through the window of my room. I look outside, and there's a BNL concert going on right outside the hotel!! Then I felt Celia rubbing my back telling me it was time to get up.

And tonight at sundown is when Hanukkah starts, which I'm excited about. I did my reading (shut up- I have Judaism for Dummies...I admit it!), so I think I'm ready. I just need to find my Latke recipe, and I'll be happy. I made them last year by tweaking Ina Garten's recipe, and they were SO good!!

Food and FUN!!

Yesterday, Leah hosted a cookie exchange for the DC bloggers, and it was amazing!! There were 6 of us, and 6 different cookies, and lots of great conversation. We also came up with a few ideas for upcoming get togethers, which was fun. And, I didn't behave at all. Granted I probably ate about 3 ounces of cheese, but I also ate 7 or 8 cookies, AND had the Ruby Sipper, which was an amazing beverage that Leah made for us. ALL had sugar. AND I had 2 more after dinner. Now the ironic part about this?? My blood sugar level this morning was 84. What the hell?? Seriously, I have no understanding of how or why it was low. Nathan's only suggestion was that I was really good for dinner. I had a huge piece of steak (from Whole Foods, so it was REALLY good), some rice, green beans, and a glass of milk. Then 2 cookies. But for the most part, it was pretty healthy, and low carb. I have absolutely no idea.

Anyway!! I got Celia in bed, and went to wash her new sheets. Just before we went to Buffalo for the holiday, she crawled in our bed, which has flannel sheets on it at the moment. She commented on how soft and warm they were, and I asked her if she wanted a set for her bed. She was so excited, and said that she'd love some. So, Friday on my way home, I stopped for some flannel sheets at Bed, Bath and Beyond. They had this really pretty light blue/green color, so I got those. Now this is where I'm a complete idiot. I got them in Twin size. Seriously, what was I thinking?? My mom brought her my old bed (an antique) back in September, which is full sized. I know this, as it was my bed for about 18 years. How could I screw this up?? So, as I was going to wash the sheets last night, I go to open the package, and realize what I had done. Now this wouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that when I was putting her to bed, we talked about how I was going to go wash her sheets, so we could make her bed tomorrow after school. She was so excited. I realized what I had done, and nearly cried. I really hate disappointing her, especially when it's such a stupid mistake on my part. I told her this morning about the error, and she was definitely a bit upset. She was really looking forward to it. In fact, she couldn't wait for me to pick her up at school (and wanted me to even though I will be late (acupuncture appointment this afternoon). I told her that her daddy will pick her up today, but I will tomorrow. And since I was running late this morning, and thankfully BB&B opens at 9, I ran over on my way to work (there's one about 2 minutes from my house and on my way to work) and picked up a new set of sheets. Here's where I'm upset again. They didn't have the same color. The only blue color they had was navy. Or white or ivory. Since her first choice was pink, then blue, I went with the Navy. I really hope she likes them. If I'm lucky, I'll walk in the door, throw the sheets in the washer, and they'll be dry in time to make her bed tonight. I hope. Otherwise it will be tomorrow. I just really hate disappointing people, and it's magnified a million times when I disappoint my little girl.

a success!

My craft show yesterday was great!! It was at the Bauer Drive Community center in Rockville, and it was great! Lots of poeple, my table partner/friend was fantastic, and we had a great day. And we both sold somewhere around $175 worth of stuff! Between that, and my little show at work the day before, I sold 225 this weekend. I'm so pleased and amazed! Only a few of the things I sold were yarn related- but I'll throw them into the tally when I figure out how much I'll be donating to a fellow IF blogger! It felt really good to hand my husband some cash yesterday. With his side job, we both get a 25% cut from the proceeds after taxes. So, I did the same. I think he was a little surprised, but happy none the less.

Then I got home, after dinner at a place called Urban Burger which was fantastic, and he was in the process of setting up the Christmas tree!! In our house growing up, we always celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah (mom was catholic, dad is Jewish). So we have been doing the same with Celia. And it makes me happy! Because I actually get to learn a little more about Judaism as I go along, which I really don't remember much about. I only went to Hebrew school for a few years when I was little.

Anyways, I'm excited that the holidays are coming! Today I'm meeting up with the DC bloggers for a cookie exchange! I made my cookies last night as Nathan put together the tree, and then we all decorated it together. Needless to say, after the craft show, tree and cookies, I slept great last night! Unfortunately I'm still pretty exhausted, but I have a feeling that as the cookie exchange gets closer, I'll wake up more. I can't wait!

Finally!!

I just tried calling my high risk doc back to find out what was going on, and I got the same nurse I spoke with the other day. Apparently she had my chart right in front of her, and was going to finish calling patients back by 4. At any rate, I'm glad I called. The answer is to increase my night-time dose from 5 mg to 7.5 mg. Hopefully this will help!! I really want this to help! I really, really don't want to have to do the combo of oral meds and insu.lin. Not something I really want to deal with.

We actually had a really fun night last night! We never took anything out to make for dinner, so instead we went out. As we were trying to figure out where, Nathan reminded me that we had a coupon sitting on the fridge that we had wanted to use, that expired last night! So, we used it, and went to Melting Pot for dinner. I was impressively well behaved, for me! And since Celia was with us, it was actually a bit more fun than romantic, which was great. We got the big night out for $14 off, which was great. And I was really impressed that they didn't charge us anything else for the little bit that Celia ate. Hard to tell what that kind of restaurant will do. We got the cheddar cheese fondue, and I ate mostly the vegetables, a few apple pieces, and a few pieces of bread, but not much. Then the meat, which was amazing. For dessert, I had mostly bananas and strawberries with the original chocolate- and he even gave us a little extra Peanut Butter in it- extra protein is good! Plus a tiny piece of pound cake and two rice krispy treats (apparently their new dessert dipper). Celia was hilarious! She had mostly the bread and apples with cheese. A bite of mushroom (which is a shock, she usually loves them), and bananas. She made a mess, but she had a lot of fun doing it. We weren't sure how well she'd sit, since dinner there usually takes 2 solid hours, but she did great! And going on a weeknight was a really good idea. We got seated right away without a reservation!!

Today I had a craft show at work, which went pretty well. I sold a bracelet, a skein of yarn, and a few cards. Tomorrow I have a much bigger craft show at a community center in Rockville, which I'm a bit nervous about. Just trying not to think about it at all, really. I'm excited though. Hopefully it will go well!!

still no call...

I'm calling back in the morning if I don't hear back by then. I faxed over my sugars yesterday morning, and still no idea what the heck I'm supposed to do!!

And, this morning, my level was 108. Bad, bad, bad! And did I behave last night? Yes! I had a little bit of Ravioli for dinner, but mostly ate the meatballs, and not much of the pasta or sauce. So annoying that my body won't cooperate.

On the plus side, I saw my OB this morning. He spent some extra time going through my records and tests that we've done, which was great. We repeated my pap, so hopefully it is all fine. Apparently the results before were "unsatisfactory", whatever that means. And he was pleased that I'm feeling better with iron supplements. And not exactly thrilled with my sugars, but happy that we're working on it. And glad that everything else is good. That's when I pretty much said that this was it for me, and I not going to ever go through this again. He laughed, and said that he couldn't figure out why? With the IVF, the loss of the second baby, the sugar issues, the iron, the pap, and everything else (I'm sure I'm missing one thing at least)... He then said that when he's in there doing the C-section, that he can easily do a tubal ligation if I want him to. I told him that I was definitely thinking about it, but that it will definitely either be that or my husband taking care of things. So I'm thinking about it. As I have been. And I go back in 3 weeks. BUT, on the amazingly plus side, I do not have to take the GD screening test!! No Glucola for me!! I've already been diagnosed and in treatment for GD, so there's no need to test for it. I could have hugged him when he said that! The stuff is nasty. And, the 3 hour blood test after my results would have come back high isn't necessary either! Thank goodness something went my way.

And thanks for all of your comments yesterday! Some great ideas, and I'm definitely going to try some. Had a cheese omlette this morning, and it was pretty good. I think this weekend, I may try to make a crustless Quiche (which was my boss' suggestion). One other annoying thing? You know what else count as carbs?? Fruit! And Potatoes, and corn. And Tomato sauce. And milk. I love fruit, potatoes, corn, and especially milk! And I have to really limit them. If I wasn't starving all the time, it would be easier. I gave Celia a little warm milk before bed (she kept saying she was hungry) to take away the hungries. It was so hard not to have some myself. I love warm milk. Especially when it's stirred up with some Hershey's cocoa , a splenda and a pinch of salt. My favorite snack during the winter. And healthy, because it's got milk, splenda, and unsweetened cocoa. And it's impressive- between the last 2 weeks, when I should be gaining weight- I managed to LOSE 3 pounds. Just from changing my diet. Gotta love that. I hope I don't get yelled at for too much weight loss again.

waiting by the phone.

So, when I saw the high risk doc last Wed, she upped my gly.buride dose from 2.5mg twice a day to 5mg twice per day to help with my outrageous fasting levels. They haven't been good. They're supposed to be below 90. And they've ranged from 100 to 118 for about 2 weeks. She said that if it didn't help, to call back. Since we were away for Turkey day, I figured I'd wait until I was home for a few days, and eating much better, to worry. this morning, it was 109. Not good at all. The rest of my levels have been perfect though. And I've really cut the amount of carbs I've been eating. Let me tell you how much I hate eating eggs every day for breakfast...but I'm doing it. No carbs before lunch. So difficult!! Especially when I'm starving!!

So, I just called a few minutes ago, to see what I should do. The person I spoke with (nurse I think), asked me to fax the sheet over, and she'd look at my levels and talk with the doc. Then get back to me. So now I wait to find out what I'm supposed to do. I know that the high fasting levels are not good. I'm doing mostly what I can to fix them, yet they're still horrible. Very annoying. Granted my diet isn't perfect. But about 90% of the time, it is. At least in the last week it has been. I think I'm going to turn into an egg. If anyone has suggestions of something that is protein, with no carbs, that I can eat for breakfast without making me want to hurl, I'm open to ideas. This morning I took a sausage patty and chopped it into the pan and cooked it before adding the eggs. I'm definitely going to head to Bed Bath and Beyond this weekend to pick up a microwave poacher. I love poached eggs, but they're a hassle to make on the stove top every morning. And, I can't eat them every day without wanting to hurl.

Believe me, though it sounds like I"m complaining, I don't mind it too much. I'll eat eggs daily. I'll give up carbs before noon. I'll do whatever it takes. It's just really hard sometimes.

I'm also trying to come to terms with the fact that this will be our last child. I can't afford (healthwise) to have gest.ational dia.betes a third time. Especially when things get pretty well out of hand so early on. It scares the crap out of me. Does this mean I'm just a few years away from type 2? I'm going to do the best I can to prevent that from happening (if it's not too late already). I want to be around to raise my kids, and see them get married and have families. I don't want to risk that. And my husband was even hesitant in trying for a second child, because it worries him. This time, he's told me that he wants to get a vas.ectomy, to ensure that I don't get pregnant again. As if it would happen anyways! But it is a nice thought- he is so worried about me, and my health, that he'd rather kill off his chances of fathering any more children, than risk my health. I know it's sweet. And it's amazing that he's so willing. But I can't help but be sad that this really will be my last pregnancy.

Home again

It feels so good to be home! I'm really hoping that this is the last year we'll have to travel for holidays. Thakfully for Hanukkah and Christmas, we'll be staying put. We had a great trip though! We got to see my aunt and uncle and their 2 kids (ages 5 and 3), which Celia loved. She played for hours with her cousins! Thaksgiving dinner was the best I've had in a long time! My mom and I work really well as a team in the kitchen. Everything was absolutely perfect. And it was good to see my step brothers again. I also got to meet my dad's new girlfriend, who seems really great. I was glad to see him smiling agian.

Then Saturday, was a day to ourselves! My mom and step dad took Celia and my cousin to see The Nutcracker downtown, which she absolutely loved. My mom had found a childrens book of the story, and we must have read it to Celia a dozen times before the Ballet. And she absolutely loved it!! She's been talking about it like crazy, and can't wait to see another ballet. While they did the Nutcracker, Nathan and I went and talked briefly with a homebuilder. We decided that we don't want to build a house when we move back to Buffalo, which is a really huge step. I thought for sure it was what I wanted, but after seeing the location, homes, and other areas where homes are going up, we decided to work with a realtor when the time comes, and find the perfect house for us. It will save us tens of thousands, and probably be bigger and in a better area. I'm excited about this decision though. We also went to my favorite ice cream place. I used to go there once a year or so when I was growing up, and let me tell you- the place has not changed a bit. It still smells the same, and everything tastes the same. I was in pure heaven. And we went to a great local Italian place for dinner. Talk about the perfect day!

The drive back today wasn't too bad. Exactly 8 hours from my mom's driveway to Red Robin. It's so good to be home! I can't wait to sleep in my own bed tonight. And tomorrow, it's back to the grind.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!


EDITED: To answer Becky's questions- It was Antionettes on the Hill in West Seneca. By far the best hot butterscotch with hot fudge sundae I've ever had! And we're thinking Amherst. Close to both parents, and closer to Rochester than the Southtowns would be. I can't wait!!

And the verdict is in!!

Appointment went really well! Heart is perfect, growth is perfect, amniotic fluid doubled from last time (which is good because it was pretty low last time). And...

We're having a boy!! We are all so thrilled, and excited! And now we're in Buffalo for the holiday. I plan on not using my computer much, so I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!!

2 hours

I have my fetal echo/ultrasound in just 2 hours! Celia was up at 5:30 (thirsty), and came into bed with us. The only thing she'd talk about was seeing the baby, and going to Buffalo. It was really cute! We're heading straight out from the appointment, so I won't be able to update until at least tonight (if my mom's neighbor still has unprotected wireless). I'm pretty sure they're doing a full blown growth ultrasound too, so hopefully we'll be able to find out what we're having this time. But I'm not optimistic. Either way is good with me, I'm not picky.

I am really looking forward to heading up to Buffalo for a bit. Saturday my mom is taking Celia and my two cousins to see The Nutcracker, and no parents are allowed. ;) So Nathan and I will get a much needed break. I can't wait. We haven't been out together since July 3rd, when we were in Canandaigua.

Too cute- we're watching Sesame Street, and the letter of the day is "N". So Cookie Monster is trying to eat it, and Prarie Dawn is using "N"- words. Celia looks at me, and says "KNIT!". That's my girl!! Too bad the english language is so messed up that there are silent letters.

I'm off!!!

Phew- edited.

I just called the OBs office back, and it looks like my results were all normal, with the exception of one. He also had my iron level checked. Which is good! Because apparently I need some help in that department. I'm to take an iron supplement twice a day now, which should hopefully help with my energy levels. I knew it was a problem, so I'm glad he had that checked as well. Maybe it was my comment on my way out of my visit last time about being concerned that I almost passed out on the streets of San Francisco?

So anyone who has saw my blog last night may have seen a rather nasty post at the bottom of the one about our trip to Buffalo tomorrow. I completely flipped when Nathan said that his dad wasn't coming to Buffalo, but that Nathan was going to take Celia and go to Rochester. I was really upset, and not at all happy about this. I went to bed early, and then when Nathan came in, he woke me up by being loud and using the bathroom light without closing the door, and without using the dimmer. Needless to say I had cried myself to sleep, finally, and was woken up by him with the light, making noise getting ready for bed. So I got up, and went in the living room after it was clear that I was not going to get any sleep. Watched TV for about an hour, and tried to sleep again. I didn't sleep well at all. I was angry and frustrated, especially since he knew how I felt about going out there. We talked this morning. I think he understands better where I'm coming from, and he said he'd talk to his dad. So we'll see if things will change or not. I just really want to spend time with them over holiday weekend. And the idea of him spending over 2 hours in the car, and several hours in Rochester, while leaving me back at my mom's house really upset me. I know there's no logic to it, and I'm being completely unreasonable, but I'm tired! And want to be with my child and husband! I don't mind being left behind for 2 hours, but considering that's the time it takes to drive there, add at least 2 to that.

EDITED: My husband spoke with his dad, who is now going to come to Buffalo to meet up with us. This makes things so much easier all around. And I really do appreciate it. Just 3 hours left of work before the holiday!! Yeah!!
AND: I'm so glad I'm not losing my mind. I knew I should not be as tired as I have been. I'm glad there's actually a reason!!

not urgent??

Ok. So I was told to expect the results from my 24 hour pee collection this afternoon. I made sure to have my headphones off at work, just incase they called. They'd only call if there was a problem. I was going to call tomorrow morning, just to make sure they were clear, but still. You never know, right? No phone call, so I went to my acupuncture apointment without a worry. Great session, I fell asleep after about 10 minutes, and slept straight through. I felt incredible after it was over! Then, I got home and there was a message on the answering machine from my OBs office. The nurse called, and asked me to call back as soon as I could, but that it wasn't urgent. WTF does that mean?? I know my fasting was high Friday morning- it was 105 on my monitor. So I expected it to be high when they checked it. So, tomorrow morning, I get to call my OBs office and find out what the results were. And what I'm supposed to do about it. At least I have an appointment with my perinatologist on Wednesday morning, so things will be taken care of quickly. I'm curious to see what the "not urgent" thing is about. Hmmm....

Solution???

Well, I think we're finally starting to figure out a plan for this weekend regarding my in-laws. Though I still don't know what it is. This weekend they were in Philly so my FIL could run the marathon there, so they should get back to us tonight. We'll be meeting up with my dad for dinner on Friday night. Leaving most of the day on Friday open. So, I suggested to his dad the other day, that they come out to us either for breakfast or lunch. I know my MIL is working, but my FIL isn't. So, I then said, that I'm tired. I'm feeling pretty crappy, and don't want to sit in a car any longer than I have to. So, if he doesn't want to come to us, I guess Nathan and Celia can go to them, leaving me by myself back at my mom's house. Not happy about that option etiher, but at least it gets me out of going. Though it does suck because I won't have a car so I'd really have to stay put. Relaxing wouldn't be bad though. Then I'd just be paranoid about Nathan and Celia on I-90 getting into an accident. Gotta love my mind- I'm suddenly paranoid again about such things. It's definitely been a while since I worried like that.

At least, on the plus side, I have less than a day and a half left to work before we hit the road. And, I have an acupuncture appointment tonight. Which I'm really looking forward to.

And a sick thought- I was looking at houses in Buffalo again (wishful thinking, since my husband is no where near ready to move yet), and I found a great house, with a huge yard, 4 bedrooms, an updated kitchen with stainless, and it only cost $152K. Let's just say you can't buy a condo in the DC area for that. The cheapest single family house I"ve seen that wasn't trashed, was around 450K. Just sick. Why can't we move yet?!

EDITED: Ok, so apparently Nathan will be taking Celia to Rochester some time friday.

Why I hate going home for the holidays.

I love Buffalo, in fact, I can't wait to move back in a year or so. Yes, it's cold, and they get a lot of snow, but that makes it even more fun. Snowmen, sledding, snow forts, snowdays, sweaters, excuses to make more sweaters! Lots of fun. And I hate the cold.

At any rate, we're heading up immediately after my ultrasound on wednesday. I've been looking forward to this trip for many reasons! I get to see my mom and stepdad, my dad, do some relaxing, talk with a builder or two about possibly building a house to see how feasible it is, maybe look at some neighborhoods and towns. Especially if we're planning on moving in the fall next year. It will be at least May before we get up there again, and then we'd have 3-4 months to find a place or start the process. Not exactly useful. So, I want to get started now. And I thought we both agreed that this was the plan.

Now come to Wednesday. Nathan's dad calls to see what our plans are for the weekend, and see if we can get together. I had actually spoken with his mom last week (or maybe 2 weeks ago), when she called while I was at work. I had told her that we were pretty full, but that we could possibly do something Friday provided they would come to us. I'm tired. I don't want to spend all weekend in the car. I want to have some down time. I NEED TO REST MORE (see my last OB appointment's post- he even told me to get more rest). Well, she wasn't sure if she was working or not, so that probably wouldn't work. He says that he's thinking of meeting his parents for breakfast on Thanksgiving. The day which I had previously said was not a good day. I have to help my mom cook (which I love to do- really- I'm not complaining here), and wanted Celia to help me too. She's such a great helper, and loves to be in the kitchen with me. So I told him that it wasn't going to work. Then this morning, he asks for my dad's phone number, so he can call him to find out when were getting together on Friday. I had also told him that my dad hadn't figured that out yet. He started seeing someone, and was thinking it might be nice if we could meet her since we'll be in town. But wasn't sure if that was going to work, or if it was a good idea, or what her schedule was like. She also has 2 kids. So, I told him this, and he's getting SO defensive. Now I did say that I didn't think we'd have time this visit to get out there. And that I didn't want to be driving all over the place. So he says that he'll just take Celia and go- leaving me at my mom's all alone. Now, some would think this was ideal. But it's not!! We've been up there SEVERAL times this year (like 5), and every time, we've gotten together with them. Even though we had weddings, and I had showers, and parties, and friend stuff I was at. He made it possible. This one time, that I feel strongly against putting anything else into our schedule, he's being a brat about it. I told him at least 3 months ago to arrange something for friday, so they'd come to us and we could do lunch. But he didn't. He forgot. In fact, he doesnt' even remember the conversation. I do, vividly. It's no secret that my MIL stresses me out. And I was very proud of myself for bringing it up to him, before he could ask me about it.

And the funniest part- when we were on vacation in Canandaigua this summer, (Finger lakes, about a half hour from his parents), he didn't want to call them to get together. AND I asked him about it at least 3 different times. He wasn't interested.

I'm angry, and annoyed, and frustrated with my husband. And I'm tired, because I had to pee a lot last night (which took enough time to wake me fully each time, so I could collect and save it for my test. NOT happy today.

22 hours to go.

I'm working from home today, so I can do my 24 hour u.rine collection. Not very enjoyable, but it needs to be done. At least I get to stay home, in my PJs, while the crock-pot cooks dinner, and be productive. A script I started Monday morning finally finished at 6:30 this morning. So I can actually get something done.

And yesterday I got my "move date". With the "merger" at work, and the mass exodus, we're consoidating to one area, in the newer building. So, I apparently will be moving cubes on 11/26, so I have a few days to get things packed up. And organized- no sense moving piles of papers I don't need. It will be nice to move into the newer building (it was completed when I was on Maternity leave with Celia). It's got so much light, and the kitchen/break room right there. And the cubes are way bigger. And it's a really cool looking building (if you live in the area, it's right across from S. G. Hospital/F.alls Gro.ve shopping center, and it's the one with the colored windows-many consider it an eye-sore but I think it's funky).

Waiting for my blast searches to finish... shall grab a cup of tea. I love working from home!!

Auctions are FUN!!

My friend and I shared at able at a Holiday Shoppe a few weeks back (right before my trip to Cali). Last night, was the auction to generate money for the Damascus Y-women, which all goes back to the community. So, I went to see what was up for bidding. There was both a silent and a live auction, and I had a blast! I ended up bidding on a few things, and winning a few things. One of my favorite things is a 3-hours with an organizational specialist, to help me organize 1 room in our home. Now if you have seen my office, you'd realize that it's a complete disaster zone!! Seriously. It's a big mess. So bad, that this morning, I closed the door on it so that the cleaning lady wouldn't go in. It's that bad. And that disorganized. Now, every so often I spend a few hours clearing out crap, and putting things away in a way that makes sense to me, but I know the flow is all wrong. So, I'm excited for this extra help! I also got a gift basket that's for a baby girl (in case, but it'll probably be for a friend who's having a baby), a gift basket for Celia, a Tea gift basket, some Arbonne cleanser/hand lotion (which I'm so excited about- my hands are such a mess!), a 8x8 scrapbook, that's already designed and put together so all I have to do is add pictures, and a hand painted piggy bank for Celia for christmas. She's going to go crazy when she sees it- she's been wanting one for quite a while now. I'm really excited about the scrapbook too. I love to scrapbook but haven't had time lately. And, it was done by the Creative Memories consultant that I have, and she's incredible. ;) Needless to say, I got some great stuff, gave back to the community at the same time.

Now I'm feeling like total crap, and wish I could stay home. You know that feeling, like there's a bubble in your chest, and you're just waiting for it to burst (usually involving puking)? That's how I feel this morning. And all last night as I was sleeping. Unfortunately, I have to work from home tomorrow, so today wasn't an option at all. I just get to sit here, work away, and feel like i"m going to hurl all day. I couldn't eat breakfast this morning- but did manage a cup of tea. Not sitting very well though. We'll see how the day goes.

Traveling DVD.

When I was at the DC get together the other day, Karen passed on the Traveling DVD with Jenna's appearence on Oprah. I was going to take it into the bedroom and watch it on my laptop, but when I told my husband what I was going to watch, he offered the TV. And, he watched it with me (shock!!). All I can say is wow. Jenna handled herself so amazingly. I had tears in my eyes as she went into her story. So many of the things she talked about, sounded so familiar to my life. The house with extra bedrooms, driving the SUV, the shame. I'm right there with you. And then the after show. I was sitting here, thinking- enough already!! Let go and let god?? WTF?? I understand the concept of coming to peace with things, and that life doesn't always work out how you plan. But when it comes to children, and whether you can have them, or not, or whether to adopt, or live child free, it's not that easy. Not even close. It's not a choice, it's not something you can just let go. Yes, life happens, and we have to deal with it. Sometimes it's more realistic than others. Sometimes it's just not possible to let go.

My husband's comments were really interesting. To the actual segment, he said that O didn't seem to have any understanding of the questions that she asked. After watching the after show, he said that he was really glad that I don't watch O.prah. And he felt that she was awfully preachy (which I completely agree with). I'm also glad I don't watch this show at all. In fact, this was the first episode I've ever seen, and I won't be surprised if it's the last.

Thank you Jenna for putting yourself out there like that, and for sharing your story. I applaud your strength and courage. And really hope that the adoption process goes quickly for you.

rest

Well, I've been trying really hard to get more rest, and I think I'm actually succeeding a bit! I had a nice, low-key weekend, and was able to sleep, relax, yet still have fun! Saturday was spent with my friend Rachel (who lives in Fredericksburg), and it was awesome! We all grabbed lunch, and then just relaxed and chatted all afternoon. It was so great!

Yesterday, I met up with some of the DC SQ's at Starbucks. It was fantastic to see everyone again, and meet Deanna too! It was great to sit and chat, for 3 whole hours! Again, relaxing, yet fun!

I also managed to get over to Harry and David to pick up some of the Onion and Pepper relish, that makes the most amazing dip for tortilla chips (half a jar, and a brick of cream cheese, blend it up, and YUM!). Anyway, it's my mom's favorite, and I try to get some whenever I'm near the store. I called her on my way in, and she said that she actually had JUST used up her last jar, so it worked out perfectly! I even had a nice, quiet lunch by myself at Noodles and Co. before heading over to the meetup at Starbucks.

And, of course, I had another Gingerbread latte. This makes only 1 day since last thursday that I haven't had one yet. Today will make another. Can't splurge that often!! However, I did forget my CPK leftovers for lunch today, so I do have to run across the street to grab some lunch. I am bummed that I have to work today, when my husband has off, but- at least he's at home getting work done! The toilet in Celia's bathroom seems to be leaking, so he's going to check the seal and replace if necessary. And, he's getting the guest room ready to paint it for the little one's arrival! I can't believe it's only 16 weeks away. I'm still amazed.

Blogger Flame of Fortitude

Wow. Just wow! I was catching up on Bloglines last night, and noticed that Jenna had given out awards to a bunch of IF bloggers. I read on and was so touched to see my name on the list! Thanks Jenna!! I am so honored to be included with such a fantastic group!!

Here is what the award represents- (this is copied from her blog):
"You are receiving this honor because you have embodied perseverance in the face of difficulty and shared the journey of your experiences with others proving that a single voice can both be a light of support and a source or humor for those in the midst of their struggle. You are acknowledged here today for allowing others to share in your personal story and providing camaraderie through the power of your words."

I am so touched. Thank you!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!

Just a few days ago, I posted about how annoying it is that the holidays are literally shoved down our throats nearly 2 months early. Today, I'm going to mention the one exception I have to this. The Starbucks Gingerbread latte. I just went across the street to the bank, and to get a little jolt for the afternoon. Looking at millions of A, T, C, G's in various combinations is enough to make anyone's mind go numb. And that's all I've been doing this week. So today, I decided to splurge and grab a coffee after my trip to the bank (stupid ATM card is cracked, so I had to order a new one). Anyway, I walk in, and it looks like Santa's elves threw up all over the place. Then, I smelled it. My favorite drink in the whole world. Every January, I look forward to the day when they arrive again for the season, and today is that day. So, I ordered my grande version, with full caffeine (just this once!), and took a sip once I was outside. That, my friends, is what made my entire day.

Blogtavism- my story

Here's my story for Blogatavism, for the My Story Project.

I got married in 2002, and was immediately ready to start having kids. My husband preferred to wait a while, considering we had just gotten married, he just got his Masters, we both started new jobs, and moved 2 states (and 8 hours) away from our families. This made absolute sense to me, so we decided to wait about a year and a few months. The first month we tried to get pregnant, it worked! I had a great pregnancy (minus the gestational diabetes), and gave birth to an amazing little girl (Celia), on February 26, 2004. Just 5 days before our 2 year wedding anniversary. After Celia was about 1 year old, we decided to wait until she was closer to 18 months to get pregnant again, assuming it would be just as fast as last time. We decided to start in October, since we'd be going on a cruise that month, so why not make it memorable? The morning of the cruise, I ovulated, and was SO excited with the timing. 2 weeks later I got my first BFN. And it proceeded to be like that until February. At my 6 month checkup with my OB/GYN, he asked how things were going, and since I was ovulating somewhat irregulary, somewhere between 6 and 8 weeks, he wanted to try me on clo.mid to see if it would help regulate me some. My first clomid cycle lasted 13 weeks...and no, I was not pregnant. I was devistated. At around 9 weeks, I called my OB/GYN's office, and was in a bit of a panic. He immediately said that this was NOT a normal reaction to clo.mid, and he wanted to send me for some more testing, at a Super Giant fertility clinic.

My first appointment with my RE was great! He was so optimistic, considering I had one successful pregnancy already. So we did all of the tests, and went back for another consult. He told me that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (explains the irregular ovulating, and tendancy to gain weight easily but not be able to lose it). The next step was to test the hubby, which given his age and health shouldn't be an issue, and then we'd jump into IUIs as soon as we were ready. Since our insurance policy covered IUIs at 50%, we needed to save some cash, and wait until the following year so we could set aside some flexible spending dollars to help compensate. And that's when we got the letter in the mail- my new primary insurance needed a statement from the RE regarding my husband's sperm count, and the likelihood of it working with IUI. That's when my nurse called, asking us to come in for a consult. We had never talked about his semen analysis, so we assumed all was good. Little did we know, it was very, very bad. Extremely low (at 0.6x10^6, or 600,000) with very poor morphology. Not good news. He wanted to repeat the analysis and send hubby to a urologist to see why this was happening. We saw the Urologist, and there was nothing there that would cause such a low count. Now the question comes in- was it this low when we got pregnant with Celia? What changed in the last 4 years? NO IDEA! Anyway, it was on to IVF with ICSI- do not pass go, do not collect $200, without any other optinos.

On the plus side here, IVF was covered by BOTH of our insurance policies at 100%. This made that much easier to swallow, but emotionally, we knew it would be hard. In May 2007, we started our first cycle, only to have it postponed because of cysts. After my next cycle started, things were clear to start. We got a total of 10 eggs (only 3 of which were mature), and we got 5 little embryos out of it. Two of which didn't make it to transfer, and we did a 3 day transfer of 2 of our little embryos. Both took, but a week later, one had clearly stopped growing, leaving 1 healthy baby growing. I'm at nearly 22 weeks now, and without any complications, I should be giving birth, via C- section, in about 16-17 weeks.

Having insurance coverage made this whole experience a lot easier to swallow. When IUI was going to be covered at 50%, we helped fix it with adding a second policy which hopefully would have helped somewhat with the difference. IVF was covered at 100%, as were most of the meds (minus Crinone, which I paid out of pocket for). It helped me to focus on myself, and my husband and daughter throughout treatment. I didn't have to worry about her not being able to continue with gymnastics classes because of money. Or worry about buying her new clothes, or shoes when she needed them. We took a vacation this summer. All things we never would have been able to manage had we had to pay out of pocket. Most importantly, we're going to be giving her the brother or sister she's been asking for for the last year and a half. When we told her about the baby, she was SO excited. Any time we go to a store, she keeps talking about the things she needs to get for "my baby". It's not mine, it's hers. And none of this would have been possible without our insurance coverage. We are so lucky to have our policies, and I wish that everyone else was that lucky. IVF really took it's toll on me, physically and mentally. But I didn't have to worry about money at all, which made that part of it so much easier. I hope that things change some day, and IVF and other infertility treatments get more coverage, so that everyone else has the option to persue treatements without worrying about paying bills, or putting food on the table.

That's my story. I know how lucky I was, and am. I know how different Secondary Infertility is from primary infertility. But it still hurts, and changes you forever.

hormones suck.

Last night, when I got home from work, I was so tired. I had roasted a chicken on Sunday, and we were going to reheat it for dinner, nice and easy! Until Celia asked very sweetly if we could go to ChickFilA. Of course, I usually would say no, but I was tired. And she has been really good lately at school, listening to her teachers, and being nice to her friends. What a turnaround from a few weeks ago! So, since it was Kids Night, we decided to go. Now last time we went on Kids night, we had no problem getting a table, she got to play in the play area, and make an art project of a necklace. She really loved it. So, we went! And the line was horrible. Nathan let her play in the play area while I ordered the food. I got the food, and there was NO where to sit. Not one single table anywhere. Several people were hogging tables while clearly letting their kids play while they sat. At a 4 person table by themselves. I was really getting annoyed. And upset. Because my daughter, who had been so good, who we had taken out for a "reward" for her good behaviour, and we were going to have to take our food home and eat there. Thankfully the craft person was nice about it and let her take a bookmark home to color, and the other lady painted a flower on her hand quickly. She was so upset, and I felt awful trying to explain why we were leaving. But no one was budging, so we had no choice. I know it was a good lesson for her, that sometimes we don't get what we want, and things don't always work out the way we wnat them to, but it was so hard watching her try to understand why we were leaving. I must have walked around 10 times, looking for signs of anyone getting up. There were a few, but then they'd sit back down at the table. By the time we got back out to the car, I was so frustrated, and nearly in tears. I hate disappointing my daughter, especially when it's out of my control.

Go vote for Mel!!

http://2007.weblogawards.org/polls/best-medicalhealth-issues-blog-1.php! She's been nominated for the 2007 Weblog award for best Medical/Health Issue blog! Go send her some love by voting every day!!

It's not christmas yet!!

Yesterday, I had to run to the mall to get Celia a haircut. She's been wanting one for two months now, but really wanted her hair to grow a bit for her Sleeping Beauty halloween costume. So, yesterday was the day. In fact, it was the day of hiarcuts- I finally got one too. Anyways, we walked into Macy's, and were walking down the aisle to leave the store, and she sais "Mommy, this is so silly- It's not christmas time yet!! It's fall!!!". I nearly fell over laughing. She's so funny about that. She can understand things in one month periods. First it was Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Years, then Valentines day, then her Birthday, then the baby comes. So for her, the idea that there are christmas decorations everywhere is just ludicrous. And for me too- I still can't believe that there were Christmas decorations all over the malls/stores before Halloween was over. On the plus side, I was able to get some gelt for Hanukkah at the Ghiradelli store.

damn airplanes

I love to travel. Truly! But the one thing I hate is what happens after I'm off an airplane, about 50% of the time. I woke up this morning with a horrible headache and sore throat. And I'm congested. Blech. I'm so not happy right now. And something they don't warn you about, is that when you're pregnant and get sick, it really sucks. You know normally, when you've got a cold or sore throat, it's usually worse at night? Well, picture the "worst" part, and that's how you feel most of the time. Yet it still manages to get worse at night anyways, even though you can't possibly imagine feeling any worse. It just happens. And it sucks. I slept in until 8, but did have to go to work, so I'm here. Running scripts and analyzing the data. Trying to figure things out when my head is in such a fog that I just want to put it down and close my eyes. I feel like total and complete shit. Thankfully, it's friday and tomorrow is the weekend!

Oh, and another thing?? Nathan mentioned when I got home that there might be something wrong with the washing machine, and to pay attention when I ran it. As if I remembered! When he put my clothes in the dryer, there was a layer of water at the bottom, and he had to wring things out. Apparently he looked into it, and it's the agitator. We know this machine is probably 7 or so years old, and that when we bought the house, the previous owner had just had something fixed with it. What, I'm not sure (I seem to remember it being something with the automatic shutoff when you open the lid?), is what the problem is. So, instead of pouring money into it, we decided to buy a new one. Not the one I really want, because we're not staying in this house forever, but a simple unit. Can you believe that the cheapest washer we found with a delicate cycle was nearly 400? Granted, we didn't shop in store, we spent 10 minutes looking into washers last night (thankfully I forgot to cancel my Consumer Reports online membership, so it was easy to find a model we liked. We chose, bought and paid for it in under 10 minutes. Without leaving the house. See, it's all in my attempts to get more rest. Right! But at least we saved $70 (it was on sale through Nov. 1st), AND, it will be delivered tomorrow. So we can still do our laundry this weekend! I'm so thrilled about this, you have no idea.

OB appt.

I had my next OB appointment this morning, which was a really good thing. After the little "episode" during my walking tour, I was a bit freaked about this shortness of breath thing. We talked a bit, and he seems to think it's all normal. But if the "feeling like I'm going to pass out" happens again, I am to call him immediately. He said that it's my body telling me to slow down and rest more. Not quite sure how the heck I can possibly rest more? I get home from work, lay down on the couch while Celia watches TV. Nathan's been taking over most of the cooking and cleaning. He lets me rest loads on weekends, and takes Celia out to have fun so I can have some quiet. I get tons of rest! I guess we'll have to figure something out though...because I can't function for the next 18 weeks feeling like this. I get up and walk up the stairs, I'm out of breath. I run to the bathroom at work, I'm out of breath. I run to answer the phone at home, I'm out of breath. I go for a walk at work, I'm out of breath, and have trouble talking and walking at the same time. Not such a good thing!

Anyways, the rest was good. I get to do the 24 hour "collection" in 2 weeks, which will make my high risk doc happy. It's going to be gross...peeing in a cup is something I hate. And to have to do it for a whole day just really sucks. But, I should have the results before I go in for my next appointment with the high risk doc, so she'll be happy.

The only other thing I learned, was that apparently in August, my pap came back funny. Not abnormal, but inconclusive. He said it's probably that they didn't have enough cells to run the lab tests. So, I get to have another one at my next appointment. Joy of joys! Another thing to think about.

Now...I'm off to get some work done. And, try to figure out how to get more rest. Any suggestions?

San Francisco

Was a blast! We ate ice cream at Ghiradelli, bought loads of chocolate, went to a cool wine bar (I did do a flight, but it was all Cab sauv., and the kind of tasting that costs $25, and the cheapest bottle we tried was $75), rode the cable cars, and had the best pizza I'd had in a long time. It was unbelievable. That was just the first day. The second day was breakfast at a pastry shop, and then a culinary tour of Little Italy and North beach. Amazing food, coffee, and lots of walking. However, it was not exactly the best idea. I got completely overheated, exhausted, and felt like I was going to pass out for a minute. Thankfully some fresh air helped (we were in the back of a deli where it was HOT). After that, we went shopping in Chinatown, and relaxed for a while before a dinner of Tapas. Gotta love being in a city.

It was really great to get home though. Apparently I missed an earthquake by about 8 and a half hours. Yikes! Thankfully it was a mild one, but it's still scary. It was so good to get home last night. I really missed Nathan and Celia. She was in bed when I got home, but I still got to kiss her goodnight. The sucky thing is that she's sick. Nasty cough and managed to get an infection in her chest, so she's on antibiotics. The cough is horrible, and not getting any better, especially at night. Poor thing was having a coughing fit that lasted about 20 minutes in the middle of the night. Hopefully it gets better quickly, now that she's been on the antibiotics for a few days. So good to see her today- the hug she gave me was the longest, biggest, strongest hug I've had from her, and it just made my whole day.

brain overload

I never did find my ipod cord, but at least they had TVs on the plane, and music as well. So that really helped make the flight go by fast. The conference is nearly over, just a few talks left. I snuck out to finish packing, since I have a shuttle coming right after it's over. And, then I head to San Francisco for 2 days. Really a day and a half, but it's still going to be great! Somewhere I've always wanted to go, and now I get to!

Not much going on. Just really exhausted. I finally slept well last night, just in time to move on to another hotel. But at least I did sleep. Though, I could really go for a nap right now. My brain is so overloaded with information, it feels like it's going to blow up.

I really miss my girl. I've talked to her a few times a day, and she's having fun with her daddy, but I still really miss her. Leaving the husband isn't so bad, in fact it's kind of nice to get a break once in a while (no offence honey!). But leaving her is really hard. Hopefully this is the last time for a long time.

not coping today!

So I'm packing for my trip. I have a shuttle coming to get me at 5am, which is crazy, but it's an 8am flight. I can't find my ipod cable anywhere. I have the plug, and the ipod and headphones. But the cable? Gone. No where to be seen. And I have a 5 and a half hour flight tomorrow. Not happy!

cooking is like therapy.

Yesterday, I had to run to the mall to get some clothes that I can actually wear at a professional conference and not be embarassed. I was looking for the typical mall maternity store, so I woulsn't spend too much on stuff I really wouldn't wear more than twice. So, I was thinking I had to drive down to Montgomery mall, which is a great mall, and it isn't too far out of the way. Just a bit further than my "local" mall. I had completely blocked out that there is a Motherhood at Lakeforest mall. It is right next to where I used to get my hair done before they moved. I bought clothes there when I was pregnant with Celia. Yet here I was, completely shocked when I saw on the store locator that there was one in that mall. And then I couldn't for the life of me remember where in the mall it is! Seriously, brainless!

Anyways, I got the stuff I needed and then some, and then we went over to Whole Foods for some groceries. Immediately I had to have cheddar/beer fondue and chocolate fondue. I've been craving fondue again, but haven't had energy to get a sitter and go out. Or go out during the week (I have a coupon for $15 off the big night out during the week at Melting Pot). So I made beer/cheddar fondue, and it was great- though it solidified pretty fast. Next time I'll measure better. I also bought some really good milk chocolate, and made milk chocolate/peanut butter fondue. It was amazing! We ate a huge amount of it, and there's still half in the fridge for tonight. Yummy!!! I had nearly 2 whole bananas and 10 strawberries myself. SO good! And while I was there, I got a standing rib roast, so I a making that tonight. With a currant gravy. It's going to be SO good!! I can't wait. This weekend and last were filled with cooking, and it was great! Too bad my back doesn't like being upright like that for long periods.

Today, is nice and relaxing. I ran to target and Safeway, got home and had lunch, and then am now relaxing more while Nathan is in the guest room peeling off the rest of the border. The lady we bought the house from LOVED borders, and I hate them. Seriously HATE them. I've never met a border I liked. Though there was a cool idea of using wine labels as wallpaper on an episode of Trading Spaces once that was cool... But I digress! I pulled the border down months ago, and of course, it left the backing and glue on the wall. I'm not in a good position to be up on a ladder scraping, so Nathan offered to work on it a bit more today. So that's what he's doing, and I can't wait for it to be gone! We really need to paint that room (it's NASTY filthy) before the baby comes. I have had the paint for months, so if he does that this weekend, maybe in a few weeks I'll get the energy to help paint it. I love painting rooms! It makes me ahppy seeing a new color cover up the filth.

And I need to pack. I can't believe I'm going to California in just 4 days! I can't wait!!

OH, and Karaoke Diva mentioned that she was renting a doppler so she could listen to baby's heartbeat. At first I thought it was cool, but not something I'd do. Until I saw Celia's reaction at the Ultrasound a few weeks back. Seeing and hearing the heartbeat was just amazing to her. So, I ordered one last week, and it arrived 2 days later. I now am the proud renter of a Baby Beat doppler for the next few months. I told Celia what it was, and she's been so excited to hear it. We let her listen on friday, and she didn't want me to turn it off. It was really cute. She really loved it. I'm glad I went ahead and did it. Not just for my peace of mind, but to help include Celia in the whole thing.